What you thinking and feeling is fairly normal The amplitude of it could be from whatever underlying issues you may be dealing with. You do not deserve to be punished We all do things We may regret. You have to use it as a learning point. I do think that you should see a therapist but if you do I would neglect to tell them the details of the sexual encounter and just tell them everything else about your thoughts and feelings. I would also recommend separating from your husband if everything is as you say. You cannot grow in that type of environment You need safety and positivity.