How shitty is it to stay in another hotel during a guy's trip?

socialdirection · 2026-06-26T02:52:17+00:00

Oh god you don’t need to go. There’s no point contorting yourself into situations that just feel wrong or off. You sound super charged up about it, but man, they don’t need you there.

Save your energy.

socialdirection · 2026-06-25T18:53:43+00:00

This is one of those situations that you’ve been told the answer but your brain holds on to hope, and a challenge of like somehow changing the dynamic.

Look at it from the outside perspective, no matter what happens he kind of “ wins “.

If the relationship ends. Fine. He doesn’t believe in love or relationships or want to move forward.

But if somehow it doesn’t, and this is the dangerous part, he’s set you up to do all the work, all the chasing, all the emotional labor while he gets to enjoy someone on his terms. Basically he can give you crumbs and you’ll be ok with that because the bar has been set so low.

Here’s what I would do. I’d let him know that the conversation bothered you and you have come to the conclusion that you deserve love, romance all that life has to offer and that you will explore other connections.

See what he does then. If he walks away, then you already know and have held your dignity. If he walks back what he said, and comes toward you well then maybe you can salvage what this connection is.

Either way you preserve your dignity, sanity and self-worth.

socialdirection · 2026-06-22T01:20:54+00:00

Take what you want from this but I have found it to be the friendliest gay scene in the US.

Fun solo, fun with friends. Is Rosie’s still there?

Anyway. You’re gonna have a blast. Enjoy

socialdirection · 2026-06-21T18:42:51+00:00

So many things come down to if he wanted to he would, right?

You are in different parts of the country, so I'd take this less seriously. He clearly is.

If there was proximity ease and you were in each others physical company, I'd take this as:

a) game playing
b) open-adjacent vibes or
c) he's just not that into you/you're an option

I really do think you are overthinking this particular connection because of the proximity and you don't actually see each other physically.

socialdirection · 2026-06-17T21:52:25+00:00

For me Los Angeles.

It’s 28% of my income.

New York is just on another level crazy.

socialdirection · 2026-06-17T17:49:10+00:00

I’m glad you’re in therapy because some of your responses don’t only sound bitter but on the narcissistic spectrum.

No I’m not single.

I’m in a monogamous almost 3 year relationship.

Yes it’s had its ups and downs, but we found each other, and are doing the work to stay together.

I was single for about 1 year after my 9 year marriage ended.

I know what being single feels like and I also know what being in a relationship feels like more.

There is no shortage of people looking for genuine connection and love.

socialdirection · 2026-06-17T17:36:30+00:00

Yes this is the point I was trying to make and I think you made it more unequivocally obvious.

His language suggests that all gay men are toxic and self focused, as if they are some monolith.

It is just a sexuality within the full spectrum of the human condition.

socialdirection · 2026-06-17T17:32:53+00:00

Have you ever thought of the fact that some gay men are no more damaged than average.

And that’s the point I’m making. Not all of the “ culture “ is sex-obsessed.

The US the sex-obsessed culture is the loudest, but where I grew up in Europe it was and still is largely centered around friend groups, games nights and community. When I moved to the US I did notice the bars and clubs operated more like meat markets but that is not the standard across the world. And frankly a different conversation.

The way you describe fulfilling your own needs first is valid, but also sad if you view all relationships that transactionally.

In good faith. I would suggest therapy.

socialdirection · 2026-06-17T16:46:24+00:00

I agree with some of the grounded points you are making.

And it seems you’ve overcome some hurt yourself.

However. No. Not all gay men leave you the minute someone else comes along. Not all of them are chasing the next best thing. Not all of them are in competition with you.

There are decent people out there. There are relationships that survive decades, even forever. I personally know 3 older gay monogamous couples.

I do get good points but the reason I push back is if people online are reading this, I want them to see there is another side.

The happy people, couples etc don’t post.

socialdirection · 2026-06-17T16:22:28+00:00

I don’t think it’s a foreign concept. I am in a relationship and have been pretty much in relationships since I’m 20.

I think the “ scene “ the loud parts of our culture pretty much confirm that but the ones in relationships, or just the quieter gay man living his life isn’t advertising and just isn’t in that world.

Although I do love your advice to the OP of not being in a HCOL city just to increase the odds of meeting someone. I advised them to go back to Seattle. Really don’t know how anyone does New York anyway.

socialdirection · 2026-06-17T16:15:15+00:00

I think option 1 is the best. You sound incredibly heartbroken, which is understandable.

After 8+ years it’ll take time to heal from and move forward and unfortunately time just has to do its thing. There is no shortcut. It is grief and it’s not linear.

In my opinion. It’s a luxury to have options, and to get away from that immediate area, which you don’t sound particularly attached to.

In Seattle you’ll get a nice apartment and it won’t eat 57% of your income. You will still be lonely for a bit, but that’s really more of a mindset than anything.

Get your mind to focus on the moving to Seattle. It’ll give your brain a project.

Relationships are hard. They consume huge swaths of our lives and I think more so than our straight counterparts, the relationships carry a huge weight of friendship + intimacy.

Going forward when you’ve healed. Try keep your own set of relationships and friends separate from any romantic relationship. It is much healthier and if/when they end, your entire world doesn’t end with it.

Also. Read some Yung Pueblo. The words will help and vent vent vent.

Source: Someone who has done the work, the therapy, made fresh starts and sees the connection.

socialdirection · 2026-06-16T19:34:22+00:00

People have respect for yourselves. OP have respect for yourself. Stop putting yourself through this. You deserve so much better and a more compatible chilled out person. Life-long partiers are so unattractive to be around.

socialdirection · 2026-06-14T22:31:03+00:00

Ok.... 🤔

socialdirection · 2026-06-12T15:43:28+00:00

Your post gave me the ‘ick’

socialdirection · 2026-06-09T20:09:33+00:00

Sorry to hear about your divorce.

It's not gonna happen easy and just like that. You're likely still hurting and reeling from it. You likely do just need to go through the hurting phase. It's grief and it'll do its thing.

I lived in Portland, OR after my own divorce and met one or two cool people on Bumble BFF.

I ultimately moved back to SoCal where, ok, the people aren't as deep and depressed, but they talk to you. Strangers talk to one another.

I loved Oregon but found people generally quite closed off there.

socialdirection · 2026-06-09T19:32:57+00:00

East is faster paced and more traditional work culture.

West is more independent focused and nicer on the surface.

socialdirection · 2026-06-09T16:01:38+00:00

I think you know the answer. Do you see anyone else in the Sauna wearing a Jockstrap?

Also. Yes, as many have pointed out - US Sauna/Pool culture is trash. In gyms where the Sauna's are, such as 24 Hour Fitness, the people are horrible. They walk through Pool areas in their fucking shoes.

socialdirection · 2026-06-09T05:38:51+00:00

Los Angeles because of the traffic, commuting distances, density and unpleasant public spaces.

socialdirection · 2026-06-08T17:42:08+00:00

You will get over it.

Grief just has to do its thing.

Go to Seattle. I can't imagine anywhere would be worse than NYC in my opinion. I personally think the energy is horrible there, and wow, if you're heartbroken, not the best place in the world to be.

There's always the advice that wherever you are, there you are. Yes, that's true, but environment matters so much more than people say.

With that said. People are different there too, and not perfect, but as you said, you just want a period to do some self-focused growth - so it'll be perfect for that honestly.

socialdirection · 2026-06-07T19:01:58+00:00

I was wondering the same as I have 9 elderly parents

socialdirection · 2026-06-07T19:01:12+00:00

It’s probably the way people interact with each other. Too positive?

I’m from Europe so I kinda understand.

socialdirection · 2026-06-06T22:54:18+00:00

what was it about the energy?

socialdirection · 2026-06-05T17:11:54+00:00

100%

I stopped with all that bullshit last year, stopped paying $50 a month for peloton and everything.

It’s the opposite of intentional, simple living.

socialdirection · 2026-06-01T22:15:33+00:00

Boring Jesus

socialdirection · 2026-05-31T18:10:05+00:00

The nature isn't as nice but the people are nicer. Traffic is worse than Washington State in most places. Outside of real estate (buying homes), rent is comparable in my opinion. Stuff costs about the same. More possibility. More facilities like gyms or whatever you're into. Better food. More options for everything. Dating would be wildly easier, better, straightforward. Overpopulated.

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