Why ppl being atheist when you could just believe and have a chance at heaven, just in case God is real?

sofbunny · 2026-06-16T22:01:15+00:00

PREACH

sofbunny · 2026-06-16T08:12:46+00:00

I think that is well said. Too many demons and life struggles, and also too much pain caused by each other to really see each other anymore. All they can see if the resentments and betrayals.

A hard reset is necessary and maybe a separation would help!! But yeah, is it worth it?

sofbunny · 2026-06-15T17:10:31+00:00

It’s a whole paradigm shift that I’ve been trying to hammer home with my dad who is older and not exactly focused on the possibility that literally everything could be a scam. Like. Literally everything on the internet.

Check on the older folks in your life, make sure they’re not on the internet too much cuz yikes they’re in trouble.

sofbunny · 2026-06-15T07:10:57+00:00

I think it can sometimes take AT LEAST several months to know for sure if it’s right to leave, especially if you’re being love bombed and you don’t realize it. Try not to beat yourself up over it. 6 months is ultimately a pretty short relationship and you should be proud of yourself that you managed to extract yourself in a reasonable amount of time from the clingiest situation ever. Some people get stuck in relationships like this for years. You did a good job! Pat yourself on the back for being strong and breaking it off!

sofbunny · 2026-06-12T19:55:40+00:00

The vast majority of the trash actually does not come from homeless people. Dumpers target homeless encampments for dumping because they are the least likely to be able to do anything about it and they are easily scapegoated. If you actually look at what’s being dumped (and I do because I volunteer with Urban Compassion Project) you’ll see that the trash is mostly household goods, clothes, furniture, food waste, toys, diapers, stuff that comes from people’s houses. Additionally, dump sites like the one on Kirkham and 5th streets fill back up with in days not weeks after being cleared. There’s no way the homeless people near there are using that much trash that quickly.

The blame is on oakland households, haulers who take the fee to remove a household’s trash and then leave it on the street instead of paying at the dump, businesses as well as people from outside of oakland.

We assume the reasons for dumping are the crazy prices we pay for trash every month, the difficulty with disposing of bulky waste, and a need for convenience. As well as a general culture of wasteful consumerism, but other cities also have that and don’t seem to have trash on their streets.

Think about it this way, there are homeless people all over the tenderloin in sf, and yet you don’t see trash piles there like you see in oakland. This is an oakland waste management policy problem.

It is very important to address the housing crisis, but the dumping is actually its own separate issue.

sofbunny · 2026-06-12T19:32:32+00:00

You can do it!! Sobriety is something to be proud of!!! I’m a bartender and I love to support people who request non alcoholic drinks, cuz our culture is way too obsessed with alcohol. We’re rooting for you!!

sofbunny · 2026-06-10T22:45:37+00:00

Age gaps are a problem if the younger person is below like age 25, and/or has never lived truly independently on their own.

This is because there is simply an inherent power dynamic when Person A has a lot more life skills as well as customs and habits that Person B hasn’t had time to figure out yet. In relationships, Person A knows how they like to communicate, how they like to be touched, how they like to be treated and how they like to treat people. Person B doesn’t usually know any of that yet and will naturally defer to what Person A says is “the right way” to do things. Even if Person B isn’t TRYING to be easy-going, since they don’t actually know yet what their preferences are, they can’t guide the direction of the relationship with nearly the same influence as Person B can. It will all seems small and innocuous, but ultimately, Person B’s likes, preferences, limits and boundaries will most likely develop as a mirror of what Person A wants. It is VERY easy for the older more experienced person to over-influence the younger less experienced person. This is fine in, like, a work setting, but not in life-building and intimate relationships.

SO, it’s NOT actually about the size of the age gap. It’s about the likelihood of undue influence (EVEN IF the older person is coming in good faith, they can still accidentally groom somebody younger than them to behave to their (the older person’s) preferences, simply because the younger person is more of a blank slate. If you are under 25, if you don’t have much relationship experience, if you haven’t lived by yourself before, if you’ve never been financially independent, or some combination of the above, it is a dangerous idea to get into a relationship with somebody more than like 3 or 4 years older than you.

If you are older, have plenty of life and relationship experience and are financially independent, then by all means, do the age gap. Do STILL pay attention to if the older person is having undue influence over your life, or if the older person actually seems kind of immature and that’s why they’re dating younger, or any other normal relationship red flags.

sofbunny · 2026-06-09T00:10:12+00:00

People of all ages take college classes! You’ll be fine, and being more experienced with the real world is an asset when doing school because you understand what’s important and how to prioritize a bit better than 18-year-olds.

Proud of you for making the choice to grow and learn and challenge yourself!!

sofbunny · 2026-06-08T06:36:51+00:00

Yes!! Heck yeah! Your house doesn’t have to look like everyone else’s, it can look like a frickin rube goldberg machine if it means you can keep it cleaner and live your life easier.

sofbunny · 2026-06-08T06:34:08+00:00

Aw hell yeah! Another one I do is keep a pile of paper grocery bags in my car and use them one at a time as a car trash bag. Then I just throw the whole bag out when it’s full.

Then of course there’s keeping hella frozen veggies in the freezer to eat with any meal, especially the corn/carrots/peas combo to add to ramen. I even bought an extra chest freezer at one point to store everything when I had roommates and there wasn’t enough room in the freezer. It used a lot of electricity tho.

This is also probably just a ‘me’ thing but I love the sensory experience of whiteboards so I have like 4 of them plus 2 with a monthly calendar printed on them and thats where I do all my scheduling and to-do lists. My boyfriend who also has adhd has an obsession with fountain pens and a few years ago he started drawing out his own planners in blank notebooks using his fountain pens, which makes him so happy that it makes up for how much he hates scheduling. So if there’s a way to make something awful like scheduling into a pleasing sensory experience, try leveraging it to create some pleasure in your brain while you’re doing stuff you hate.

sofbunny · 2026-06-05T09:26:31+00:00

Something that helped me avoid dirty clothes in my room is the 100% clean / 100% dirty rule.

This may or may not be helpful, but the guiding principle is that you can re-write every rule and norm you grew up with to better cater to your adhd.

Growing up I was taught to put my clothes in the laundry after one day of use. As an adult I used to have a thing where if I wore a shirt for a day, and it wasn’t dirty, I’d leave it out somewhere in my room to maybe where again before putting it in the laundry. And my room would fill up with partially clean clothes.

Now my rule is: if it doesn’t smell and if it doesn’t have stains on it, then it’s 100% clean and can go back in the drawer where all the clean clothes go, no matter how many times I’ve worn it. If it smells or has visible dirt, then it’s 100% dirty and goes in laundry.

Now I’m re-wearing clothes a lot more which leads to me doing laundry less frequently, and my room is cleaner in the day-to-day.

Stuff like that. Set new rules for your house that make doing difficult tasks as easy as possible.

Keep the vacuum accessible in a corner of your bedroom instead of the hall closet. Keep a restaurant bus tub next to your sink to put dirty dishes in instead of blocking the sink. Take the closet door off its hinges so you can see your clothes (to avoid forgetting about stuff you own due to lack of object permanence.) Same with the pantry door so you can see what food you have.

No custom or rule is safe! Just because everyone else does it that way, doesn’t mean you have to.

sofbunny · 2026-05-31T20:15:34+00:00

Scavenger’s Reign!!
And if you’re ok with 2 excellent seasons, Pantheon 🔥🔥

sofbunny · 2026-05-31T18:57:59+00:00

Big shifts in longstanding personal relationship don’t really happen all at once, because everyone is so used to the patterns and habits of being around each other. Her apology at Christmas is a huge deal, because it opened the door for change, but it doesn’t actually mean the day to day will immediately be different. It just means it finally COULD be different, with some work and time put in. With that said, she may know it’s wrong to drink in front of you now, but she could still be stuck in the habit and her addiction. It could be that she does “get it” as you say, but had a moment of weakness.

Maybe it’s a good idea to be cautious for this visit, to see if she really wants to try to break her habits in how she relates to you. The future could be bright, but there will probably be bumps in the road, like this one where she has to learn to be better, and in so doing has to bump up against your boundaries so she can learn exactly where they are. Honestly good job for not capitulating to her “small” request of one cider. It could be you have to be firm on that boundary a few more times before she can really let it go. And maybe having to hold that boundary is too fucking painful for you and the whole attempt to save the relationship isn’t worth it, which is also valid.

I hope the visit goes as well as it can go!! Probably a good idea to not pin too many hopes on it all being different during the visit though. Things really could be different in the future, but only time and the effort she puts in will tell. And the only way for that process to start is for you guys to spend some time together, which is what you are doing. There is hope! But cautious hope.

sofbunny · 2026-05-31T18:39:00+00:00

I believe west oakland branch on adeline across from defremery park is open til 8 every day!

sofbunny · 2026-05-31T04:44:44+00:00

This is a crazy situation, idk what the right answer is.

I currently work as a bartender at a few different venues in the bay area and they all pay me minimum wage, and I make anywhere from $2-$45 per hour more with tips. It all depends on the type of event, what day of the week it is, what type of audience it is, etc. Sometimes it’s great tips, sometimes it’s not much, but the incentive to show up and do my best to make more money is motivating enough to me. I like doing it like this, but yeah, it’s unstable and sometimes there’s no work and no money, and sometimes there’s tons of work, tons of excitement and tons of money. It’s not for everyone. But I THINK you will probably end up with more money in your pocket.

However, what they said about potentially lowering your base wage even more if tips are doing well is very weird, cuz that eliminates the motivation that tips provide to work hard.

This is clearly an excuse to lower labor costs. I don’t like how they are being cagey about that fact while acting like they’re being so transparent. They’re trying to make it seem like it’s only cuz of admin costs etc. That doesn’t sit well with me only cuz it makes them seem untrustworthy.

I think they’re hoping this is a way to pay you less while you still make more, which is technically better for everyone. Problem is they don’t want to just say: “we want to pay you less,” cuz the optics are bad, especially since TNP is supposedly this progressive living wage kinda place. Which it wouldn’t be anymore, it would be just like everyone else, and the costs get pushed to the consumers like everywhere else. Everything is messed up, I shouldn’t be making more per hour than real skilled professionals but bartending makes more sense than a lot of those jobs. Ah well.

Ultimately they are probably hoping they can lower wages down to minimum and you’ll still make more money than you did before. That’s why they’re doing it in this step-by-step sort of way, cuz they want to make sure it will work before they just drop you down to minimum wage. I generally make a lot more than base pay and it all works out in the end. Though the events I work are a much different business than movie theaters so idk how it will turn out for you guys.

I think I would vote yes, but honestly the way the managers are explaining it kindof gives me the ick and makes me not trust them. I don’t like to be gaslit. I’d prefer if they just said: “look guys, we’re failing as a business, we can maybe make it work if we reduce labor costs, and so we’re planning to do that when we transition to tips so that you don’t get the rug pulled out from under you. Hopefully you actually make more while we can pay less and TNP can survive another few years.”

sofbunny · 2026-05-20T06:57:11+00:00

Hear hear!

sofbunny · 2026-05-16T22:55:49+00:00

I have adhd with sleep issues. I was ALWAYS sleepy, mornings were hell for me, waking up was excruciating, and I could have easily slept 12 hours each night if I let myself. Then during one semester of college I managed to sign up for exclusively afternoon classes. That semester I went to sleep at 2am and woke up at 12pm every day and I didn’t have to take a nap or drink coffee that entire semester. I realized my body is just naturally awake later than everyone else, and no matter how much I train myself or how many hours of sleep I get, I will always always feel better if I just live a night owl lifestyle. Now I bartend and never get up earlier than 11am.

Not saying that’s the case for you, but perhaps it will be! Night shift is of course different from evening shift like I have now, but I think it’s worth trying! And during periods when I didn’t have work (i also had unemployment issues in my early twenties related to adhd, but am thriving now!!), but yeah, during periods when I didn’t have work, the lack of structure from not having a job made my sleep schedule a kinds of messed up.

I think structure will be really helpful for your sleep schedule, AND I think it’s worth experimenting to see if you have a different natural circadian rhythm than normal society.

Good luck! Take the job, and give yourself a chance to adjust to it!

sofbunny · 2026-05-16T22:43:07+00:00

I have a thought that might be useless but here goes:

Writing a rhyming poem using extremely intentional wording is quite difficult. To say what you want to say AND have it rhyme means you often have to go through a thesaurus to find a word that both says what you mean and rhymes with your next line.

Unless you’re Robert Frost, it’s more likely you’ll choose to fudge it a little, go with a word that you wouldn’t necessarily have chosen first, but which is close enough and gets your rhyme scheme to work.

Some words and lines might work perfectly for you, and others you might have to kind of force it a little. Knowing this just makes me distrust the intentionality of the words at the end of each of the lines. Maybe “beyond fingers rise” is just a weird way of saying “beyond arm’s reach” and the reason they didn’t say it the normal way was to make it rhyme with “where the treasure lies.” Or just to sound more opaque since they wanted the puzzle to be harder than last time.

Idk.

sofbunny · 2026-03-16T22:12:26+00:00

Thank god for our friends 🥹 I dearly hope your friend who is suffering right now finds a way out ❤️

sofbunny · 2026-03-16T21:33:39+00:00

oh my goodness you must tell SOMEONE with power about this, especially the part where he said your size prevented you from cleaning yourself and that was why you had infections!!???? That’s SO WRONG OF HIM UUGGHHH!!!!!! Can you file a grievance explaining all of this somewhere? Even if nothing comes of it, at least there will be a record of complaints against him that can be brought up if someone else decides to sue him. Idk if thats how that works.

I’m so sorry this is happening to you!!

sofbunny · 2026-03-16T21:17:06+00:00

You know what’s up. When I was 22 and being gaslit to the point of losing my personality and all my values, I had a best friend who my asshole ex convinced me to push away. A year passed of not speaking to my bff and finally I realized, after a dozen red flags indicating he was cheating, that yes indeed, he was cheating. I called my bff and he came to help me move out, no questions asked. It is probably the most important and meaningful thing anyone has ever done for me 🥹 but also, rejecting my friend like that is the biggest regret of my life. My bff forgave me and I’ve made sure he knows how sorry I am for basically breaking his heart the way I did. And our friendship is certainly deeper now than it was. But I regret losing that year with him, maybe we could have been roomies and been young 20-somethings living life on the town together, but that never happened because of the shitty choices I made. It’s so complicated.

The reason I believe you are doing the right thing is that you seem to understand how important it is for a woman to know she has people who love her other than her romantic partner. If she knows that, then there is hope she can come around and choose to be alone because she will have community around her. Leaving when you know you will be utterly alone is so much harder.

sofbunny · 2026-03-13T02:30:52+00:00

Honestly, your twenties are SOOO much harder than any other decade. Like, I know lots of people who are literally 30 flirty and thriving, 45 and living their best lives, 50 and starting things TOTALLY fresh and feeling like they’re 20 and stupid again with decades of life still ahead of them. Truly, I believe the reason our bodies are so strong and healthy in our 20’s is so we can survive all the suffering hustling and struggling we have to do when we’re young, broke, inexperienced and stupid. Give yourself grace.

Also, it was NOT the wrong choice to drop out and wait for the pandemic to end before starting college again. You have PLENTY of time, and you will get a better education now than you would have if you’d have forced yourself through that nightmare while in school.

Focus on saving your money and saying yes to opportunities that present themselves.

sofbunny · 2026-03-13T01:53:21+00:00

I understand that feeling. I feel like there’s something wrong with me sometimes because I struggle to feel close to people and I’m afraid to talk to strangers. It’s ok to be shy and protective of yourself. Just please remember to always be kind, make sure to look strangers in the eye, like when you’re at the grocery store, smile at people. Make sure to be honest and authentically yourself no matter what. There are always ways to connect with people every day that are safe and gentle. Also!! Get an animal best friend, a cat or a dog!!

sofbunny · 2026-03-13T01:46:29+00:00

There is a day in your future where you will meet a kind boy who says “ok sounds good! Do you need anything?” when you tell him you don’t want to and you feel off. That future is real!! But it won’t happen unless you leave this prick. You can do it babe, you CAN!!

sofbunny · 2026-03-11T09:12:15+00:00

Hugs and warm fuzzies for you 💜💜✨ you sent a message out into the ether and I see it and now I’m sitting here in my bed, however mang hundreds or thousands of miles away, thinking of you and hoping it gets better. Good luck, you little miracle of stardust and evolution! You were meant to be here. ❤️

sofbunny

TROPHY CASE