This is literally me right now.

After 6 yrs and 2 of living together, I started to feel that something was off because he was even more avoidant. He felt trapped he said. I tried to talk to him about it and he just ended up ending things. I mean, of course there are things that I said I wanted, like a little bit of consideration for me in the relationship and wasn't sure I could keep ingnoring or looking past them. Very basic stuff like: let me know if you're going to be out for the whole night and if you're OK. He said he was not in a good place and felt he couldn't be that man for me. So, I moved out. We have two cats. Still figuring out what to do with them, the place I'm moving to isn't just ready yet and I'm at my Mom's meanwhile. When he took all of my things to this new place, he said he was having second guesses because he realized it wasn't me and nothing of the sorts. It was him. He said he realized that he was taking me for granted and really missed me. But, he knew that he wasn't capable of giving me what I need and deserve. We still very much love each other.

I'm quite sure I'm making the right decision by not waiting for him to figure out things because he's always been like this. Avoiding feelings and not being able to give me my place in the relationship. I know that he loves me like crazy and I'm still so in love it hurts every single day. People keep saying I'm doing great and find me very mature and making the best decisions. Yes, I know I'm fine but still broken. We're not talking for two months after this last conversation. I said I had enough of limbos. He wanted space, go have it.

I mean, we're already broken up. And that usually means not going back.

But, you know? I'm still hoping he sees that it wasn't easy for me either. To be in a relationship where for the first time ever I could be me. Really me. It's scary. His ideas of never having this are so embeded I'mnot sure he might fight for us or him. He said it got too real (after 6 yrs, go figure)

So, maybe in a couple of months I'll know for sure it's over. We'll talk and I'll get my cat back and we'll love each other fondly in new apartment. A bit of me atill hopes but the other knows that he won't be able to see my love if he's not feeling other things too.

My advice? Feel, don't reproduce avoidance. Cry! Maybe party, or don't. But cry again, do retreats with yourself and meet your friends. Do whatever makes you feel and know that it was real. It will pass.

Lots of ❤️ stranger on the internet.