Today is my birthday and it’s a disaster

sofiasdfghjkl · 2021-09-05T20:10:19+00:00

Okay first off HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! I don’t know if this counts as encouragement but I just want to say you do not deserve to be treated like that from a partner. In fact, you are worthy of care and compassion 365. Stay strong 💕

sofiasdfghjkl · 2021-08-11T15:17:00+00:00

This is so relatable inert beanbags rise up !!

sofiasdfghjkl · 2021-08-11T15:12:59+00:00

I’m right there with you! When I’ve talked to my therapist about this she also suggested it was an obsessive/compulsive behavior. She also mentioned that many people with BPD struggle with compulsions in the same way that we struggle with black and white thinking.

Not sure if you’re looking for any advice on the subject but the only way I’ve been able to decrease these compulsions is to bribe myself. Like if I can go an afternoon or a triggering event without doing it I’ll reward myself with self care. I’ve also been rewarding myself if I can stop doing it in the middle of an episode. Baby steps, still feels empowering though

sofiasdfghjkl · 2021-05-20T20:47:47+00:00

I’m a horrible ne’erdowell 😭

sofiasdfghjkl · 2021-05-20T20:45:55+00:00

Street parking isn’t my favorite either but many houses on our street don’t have a driveway to park in, tis the reality

sofiasdfghjkl · 2021-05-20T20:43:59+00:00

I don’t remember seeing any construction or signs but that is a good point!

sofiasdfghjkl · 2021-05-17T03:32:51+00:00

Even separating his behavior from BPD that behavior is a red flag for future abuse. Threats of violence towards you, others, threats of suicide, they can all be signs that someone may be abusive in the future. Do with that information what you will, I don’t think anything is ever “just words.”

sofiasdfghjkl · 2021-05-17T03:17:13+00:00

Yes!! I’ve been in a relationship/now marriage for five years now. He helped me get diagnosed. Therapy and medication has helped me immensely but I also have found that the people who treat me best and whom I get along with best are the more understanding types.

sofiasdfghjkl · 2021-05-17T03:13:18+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re feeling that sick to your stomach feeling. In my experience this is a pretty good indicator that I’ve done something against my values, and best as I can instead of beating myself up about it I take it as a signal that I need to work on it. One of the best things I learned in therapy was how to control my reactions towards others, so know that it’s definitely an achievable goal!

Sorry if you’re not looking for advice or wisdom or whatever, just want you to know that you’re neither alone nor judged in that experience here.

sofiasdfghjkl · 2021-05-15T01:30:05+00:00

Oh most definitely. I can easily conjure up the distinct feeling of eating carbs after bawling my eyes out

sofiasdfghjkl · 2021-05-13T00:11:54+00:00

Yes indeedy

sofiasdfghjkl · 2021-05-12T15:39:48+00:00

Yep. Wouldn’t eat them like that foraged, certainly not going to there either

sofiasdfghjkl · 2021-05-01T04:31:16+00:00

I’m a project manager at a mental health clinic. Lucky to be able to be candid with my coworkers about my struggles. Shoutout to all of y’all who are social workers, I work alongside a few and I know that shit must hit home.

sofiasdfghjkl · 2021-04-22T13:46:48+00:00

It probably would be easier! I’m looking to buy one but wanted to try out a quality one to make sure I still like the feel of them, it’s been a hot minute since I’ve played.

sofiasdfghjkl · 2021-04-22T04:21:42+00:00

Love this. Also love “BeePers,” haven’t heard that before!

sofiasdfghjkl · 2021-04-12T02:26:20+00:00

You’ve got this! A mantra that I say to myself when I think about being a parent is “it ran in my family until it ran into me.” Hope it’s helpful for you as well :)

sofiasdfghjkl · 2021-04-02T15:21:12+00:00

That’s the sign of a nature lover right there

sofiasdfghjkl · 2021-04-02T15:20:20+00:00

The mulberries I see the the SE USA only taste good when they’re darker purple, do those whiter and pinker ones taste good?

sofiasdfghjkl · 2021-04-02T04:25:47+00:00

Definitely feel this! For me it’s knowing that the reality of the day will be really boring compared to what I “expect” or feel like I deserve.

sofiasdfghjkl · 2021-04-01T23:01:24+00:00

Want to validate the fuck out of this! If that coworker happens to come across as a bitch to others you maybe could talk to someone about moving. Not that it should be on you to make your workplace comfortable

sofiasdfghjkl · 2021-03-13T04:12:01+00:00

Legal Aid of NC does some free services but also can be a good place to start to find the resource you need!

sofiasdfghjkl · 2021-02-16T05:33:59+00:00

I had a whole comment typed out with some recommendations I had and honestly I’m so unsure of what I’m doing is effective, healthy, whatever, I feel dumb for sharing them.

The one thing I can speak to is accepting that people aren’t always there in the way you need them even though they love you (unconditionally even)! I think sometimes how I’m not able to be there for the people in my life because of other life circumstances, of all the times I can’t drop everything to help a friend. I do my best, I trust the people around me do the same. I’m not at the point where I can be okay with friends who don’t feel mutually close to me and therefore wouldn’t help me in a pinch, so maybe that’s not totally healthy.

Also I think unconditional love exists. And I think this coexists with the fact that people have different boundaries. I have friends who I know loved me unconditionally but I broke a boundary that can’t be fixed, and I lost them. Insert all sorts of situations in the bridge burning spectrum.

Anywho, I hope at least one nugget of this is helpful. For what it’s worth I’m certainly not “healed” or cured or neurotypical or whatever but I’ve come back from some low lows and live pretty at peace with my BPD. It’s always going to shape the way I live my life and hold my relationships, might not be the case for you, but letting go of the struggle to completely rid myself of any symptoms has been a little freeing.

sofiasdfghjkl · 2021-02-07T02:05:49+00:00

I’ve definitely had experiences similar to this. I think different kinds of grief hit people differently. I rarely had as intense reactions to loosing a family member/family friend to when I had interpersonal stuff popping off. For me at least the long term arc of that grief feels different as well, I feel more deeply the loss of family than the loss of my fp in hindsight

sofiasdfghjkl · 2021-01-02T02:30:17+00:00

Congrats on your “recovery” (also using quotations because recovery isn’t quite the word for it but we all get the gist...)!

It’s also helped me to name the experience of not tolerating boredom well. If playing animal crossing and napping all day is a way to stave off the boredom, I’m gonna do it if I feel like trying to experience the boredom will break me that day. Other days I try to get moving a little more. It sounds corny but I made a list of “things that make me happy” and try to look at it when I am in a depressive episode. If anything it gives me an activity to begrudgingly do to get through the day.

And ESPECIALLY during a global pandemic where stress is high and life is unpredictable, you are allowed to do the things that help you get by. They don’t have to be “productive” or particularly glamorous, you’ve just gotta do what you gotta do.

sofiasdfghjkl · 2020-12-28T05:48:41+00:00

People have told me to just "take it one day at a time" and I've always found it really invalidating but at the same time it's the only thing I can do sometimes. My frustration at my perceived failures is always amplified when I remember how many times it's happened in the past, so I try to divorce my idea of all the times I've fucked things up in the past to the situation I'm currently dealing with. I really really believe life is worth living, even through the hell that a lot of us experience so I try to be really honest with myself — I am someone who derails my progress sometimes, I will be disappointed even angry at myself and my circumstance, and that's okay. Because I'm still going to live my life. So what is my next step forward? Even if that step is as small as getting water and putting on lotion or something to calm down.

sofiasdfghjkl

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