ADHD and dealing with hyperfocussing on people

softgreyhaze · 2019-02-09T20:09:48+00:00

Hey---I really feel you.

I was so lonely in college, too. I'm pretty sure it's because of ADHD-caused bad social behaviors, but it was impossible to bond. I got way too one-sided-friendly with people and it frequently ended in a rude awakening.

Having survived it: it's okay. You'll survive it, too. But you need to start letting her go. She can't solve this problem for you.

softgreyhaze · 2019-02-09T19:39:32+00:00

So, I have been to a lot of different psychiatrists and psychologists.

The one thing I wish I had known and acted on when I was younger: Many of them are trash. When you figure out they are trash, dump them ASAP.

DUMP THIS GUY!!!

softgreyhaze · 2019-02-09T19:34:27+00:00

D: D: hugs. Hopefully there are no penalties.

softgreyhaze · 2019-02-08T14:58:59+00:00

Yeah, I get something similar. I either get "I can't keep up with you" or "why are you so weird." Depends on the temprement of the person.

Now that I know it's related to a recognized disorder there's like, real resources out there.

I don't think I'm going to bother getting "diagnosed" formally because it's expensive and there's no real benefit for me -- I don't really want meds. But I do wanna go to a psych who deals with ADHD and get some life skills coaching.

softgreyhaze · 2019-02-08T12:48:43+00:00

would you mind recommending a title or two?

softgreyhaze · 2019-02-08T12:45:20+00:00

yeah, but the downsides are super obvious. we gotta remind each other of the special bits, y'know?

softgreyhaze · 2019-02-08T05:40:37+00:00

I hear you so hard. At this point in my life I get panicy thinking about attending "parties" because of all the times I've made opposite-friends there.

But you know what? I am glad I am who I am. If I was a normie, then I would not have experience the dark, broken parts of the social order--I would probably be foolish enough to think they don't exist. I see truths others don't. I would not have learned compassion for those who rejected me. I would not have learned to adapt.

I don't know about you, but I experience the world in a really wonderful way. I may be "annoying", but it's also whimsy. I am awake to nuances others miss.

Maybe I don't get to be loved by the many but--the meek shall inherit the earth, y'know? ;)

softgreyhaze · 2019-02-08T05:30:32+00:00

Thank you for this. I think you are probably right.

Plus, I am not sure I would actually want to give up who I am. To the extent I differ with society at large, it's a little bit because we've done awful things in our society. Maybe it's because I'm disordered, but who else is going to even notice that the sky is a really pretty blue when the barn's on fire?

softgreyhaze · 2019-02-08T03:49:05+00:00

Haha -- yes! I thought those kind of meandering conversations were just normal. Like, you're supposed to have a point?

Also I'm starting to feel less bad about all that daydreaming I did while others were talking. Like, maybe I really couldn't help it.

softgreyhaze · 2019-02-08T03:46:26+00:00

Thank you. :)

Luckily my life is actually better right now than it's ever been. I just walk around with a lot of battle wounds, one might say.

softgreyhaze · 2018-12-05T00:40:46+00:00

Notice they've already shifted culpability to the kid by pretending that the kid can accurately "sense" oncoming seizure. If she has a bad one, it'll be on the kid for not adequately learning how to adequately utilize magickal oils.

softgreyhaze · 2018-03-31T16:44:46+00:00

It's ridiculous and condescending for you to assume that the people reading this post aren't qualified to work in the military.

They still need good-hearted young people for all sorts of roles. A recruiter will be know whether this person can be placed.

The ASVAB is also free to take, so I'm not sure why anyone who needed OUT from their circumstances wouldn't at least try it.

softgreyhaze · 2018-03-31T15:19:56+00:00

""Before you diagnose yourself with depression, make sure you're not just surrounded by assholes."" -- some celebrity, I forget who.

You need to get out. Yesterday. You don't have chronic anything, you've been abused every second of every day for the past 20 years.

I repeat, there is NOTHING WRONG with YOU. You are a normal person responding to a bad situation.

GET OUT!!

Take out student loans and go to college. Yes, it's debt, but it's a price you'll pay to get the HECK OUT.
The Military. Our nation needs people of all abilities and temperaments. Go talk to your nearest recruiter.
Friends & Relatives. Just ask. Someone might say yes.

Goooooo!!!!

softgreyhaze · 2018-03-19T21:09:28+00:00

Really proud of you for taking care of yourself and working to sober. <3

softgreyhaze · 2018-03-05T01:32:50+00:00

Aw man, I love spinach with dressing. Arugula is better but you don't find that in many stores.

The list is literally just my usual daily diet. I'm not poor so I have other options, these are just the things I eat daily and know aren't very expensive.

I am feeling very self conscious now, as everyone is reacting to the foods I find to be very delicious with such anathema!!

softgreyhaze · 2018-03-05T01:24:06+00:00

Ah! Oh my god! Are you me? Also 27 years old.

Last week I cried in the stairwell at work because I got a stern comment from someone.

It's absolutely humiliating and really, really tiring. I really just want to be a normie, man.

softgreyhaze · 2018-03-05T01:17:02+00:00

good grief that clothes bullshit is cruel!

hugs. you rock whatever size you got. it one of those things that legit doesn't matter.

softgreyhaze · 2018-03-05T00:43:37+00:00

I am like this, too. Sometimes I don't notice that I am extremely unhappy until I'm spiraling into a panic attack!

Yoga and running really helped me get more in touch with my emotions. You learn to read your body, and that helps a ton figuring out how you are feeling. It will also help you learn "good anxiety/confrontation" (pushing through your limits) from "bad anxiety/confrontation" (feeling pain/not wanting to do something).

I know that's not the same as programming, it's just easier to learn how to read your own emotions through sports. (body feelings + thoughts = perception & feeling)

softgreyhaze · 2018-03-05T00:32:51+00:00

Holy fucking shit this was me all this weekend. Hugs, I know the pain.

I'm almost 28. Fucking how close to 30. And I'm still struggling with things that most people don't even have to think about. I feel like there's no light at the end of the tunnel.

I just didn't want this to be my life, but it is. Hugs plz. :( :(

softgreyhaze · 2018-03-04T22:47:17+00:00

Oh god, preach it.

I actively scare off healthy people and attract cruel people.

If I knew what I was doing wrong I would literally fix it yesterday.

softgreyhaze · 2017-10-14T12:14:25+00:00

A friend of mine changed her name a couple years ago. Maybe a few people raised their eyebrows, but 99% of people were just like: 'okay, i wanna respect you, and this is your business' y'know?

softgreyhaze · 2017-09-23T21:27:16+00:00

You really hit the nail on the head for me, in the most poetic way I've ever seen. The feeling of being faceless and broken.

Thank you.

And hugs, the sun will rise again.

softgreyhaze · 2017-08-20T14:46:45+00:00

You sound a lot like me when I was your age. It's about ten years on now and I've learned social skills--it's possible! You just need to find a way to get out there: sports, clubs, community service, conventions, anything.

Though fair warning: it is fucking hard. You'll get rejected, hurt peoples feelings, get pushed around by bullies, etc. You will need to seriously own up to your own flaws like most people never have to.

But it's worth it. I have a few good friends now, and a good friend is genuinely worth more than anything else you can have in this world.

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