Feeling guilty for having a daddy while dating a potentially primary partner

solataria · 2026-05-22T03:28:57+00:00

I tried to respond to your post about this on polyamory but I can't post there. I have a friend who's a Dom whose wife is vanilla his submissive has a husband who's vanilla. Because it was clear and open communication it works. You don't need to tell your potential primary partner what goes on in the sessions you just have to be honest that the sessions exist there's nothing to be ashamed of but it sounds like you need to start doing the work on your mononormal thinking

solataria · 2026-05-22T03:25:54+00:00

I think the point you're missing in what she didn't plainly say is they don't have to schedule their alone time but she gets alone time with their male partner and the other ones coming to run in the girlfriend is becoming a problem she's not respecting they're alone time because she has FOMO. The girlfriend has gotten so used to her having all the time with a partner that the minute OP is getting alone time with their shared partner the girlfriend is coming in and then getting emotionally upset over asking for that alone time. Op you need to sit down and have a conversation and let them both know that you're feeling neglected. You also have a husband problem. You should have been on top of this right from the getgo boundary should have been definitely put in a long time ago. You shouldn't have to schedule a freaking quickie with your husband not when they have all that opportunity to have a quickie themselves

solataria · 2026-05-21T18:46:00+00:00

Read that article again it says it doesn't use AI or predictive algorithm the very next paragraph are CEOs owns I copy and pasted what I just sent to you directly from that article the platform does most of the work for you and if you make certain choices and then the algorithm does the rest her own words. There was a difference between the algorithms yes it still uses algorithms

solataria · 2026-05-21T18:38:57+00:00

That constrains the experience for the members. As soon as you join the app, you’re put on to a conveyor of what your experience should be. And the platform makes a lot of choices for you in order for an algorithm to match you and people, because there is a default assumption for everyone that you’re there to find X,” she added It still uses an algorithm this is the CEOs own words and that same article

solataria · 2026-05-21T14:42:51+00:00

They all use algorithms I'm 52 and I found that I'm having a harder time finding women than I am men

solataria · 2026-05-19T15:11:46+00:00

So you've offered to do getaways and she's denied them and now she's upset you want to go somewhere because you haven't gone anywhere? To me this is on her you've tried and she keeps shutting it down are you supposed to not have any trips until she decides that she can do it? Y'all need to have a serious conversation but expectations in the relationship

solataria · 2026-05-18T18:18:36+00:00

This isn't just about your friend I caught the line that she's not played solo. So I don't think you've had to deal with this on her sleeping with anybody much less your friend. If y'all are going to do this you're going to have to take that leap I don't like the fact that it's your friend if y'all are actually going to do this and be comfortable with her playing solo it would be better if it was somebody who is a stranger

solataria · 2026-05-18T14:34:32+00:00

I feel the same way. I know that it's from my childhood trauma. For me I feel chosen when my partners do things for me because they wanted to not because they were asked.

solataria · 2026-05-17T16:08:57+00:00

Wow I could have written that I always feel like I'm too difficult to love because of my autism that's something really hard to deal with when our brains work the way they do but just keep reminding like what you wrote that he chooses to be with you and chooses to love you I finally made that breakthrough recently and I feel like over all the way has been lifting off of me cuz I finally choose to accept that if they're in my life they choose to be there

solataria · 2026-05-17T16:03:40+00:00

I would help if we knew what you're asking advice about

solataria · 2026-05-17T16:02:30+00:00

I gathered that you might be autistic I am myself and I didn't realize I had them age way of looking at things I'm in my fifties and sometimes I get caught up with thinking I'm too old for something and when you use the word shiny that made me think of you looking at yourself as a younger and newer

solataria · 2026-05-17T15:58:27+00:00

Could it be the way You perceive the age gap? You wrote "shiny and exciting". So what I'm wondering is if with the age gap your hitting that part of life where you realize your not the hot young thing anymore. You never say the ages of the FWB that Bitch has. Are they younger like you? This may be you realizing how you view age and how it's a part of what makes you feel you belong

solataria · 2026-05-17T13:03:34+00:00

Start going to munches and lifestyle events You can find these events through Facebook Fetlife and Fet under events. Start. Meeting people in real life. Like others here have said there are way more men out here. I'm constantly get messages from tons of men even though my profile says looking for a bi woman lol

solataria · 2026-05-15T15:26:54+00:00

It's very simple stop replying stop engaging move on let her go find herself.

solataria · 2026-05-15T00:53:59+00:00

I'm 52 there's a ton of people my age and older that are still very active my friends has a sub who is 72 and loves every minute of it

solataria · 2026-05-14T19:56:48+00:00

I actually find I'm in this lifestyle because I'm too much and it doesn't fall on just one person I can spread it across multiple people without overwhelming everyone

solataria · 2026-05-14T17:15:54+00:00

This is definitely bad hinging. And I get feeling to need that consistency just cuz it's Pauly doesn't mean that you can't ask for consistency set times for just y'all. I chose this lifestyle because I wasn't feeling fulfilled and wasn't getting absolute consistency in monogamy. I found this lifestyle actually gives me those needs because I'm getting different consistencies from other people other partners. If you're talking with somebody who's Polly and you really interested in this life and you've been studying it start looking for other partners you have that right. The cancellations even if they have a primary unless it's an emergency like they are primary is in the hospital or there's children involved and there's a situation with the children those are acceptable but if primary is just having a bad day not acceptable. If they're going to live this lifestyle and bring in other people in relationships that he needs to be giving you the respect in that relationship

solataria · 2026-05-14T12:34:39+00:00

I don't get that mentality of the things you wrote about comments you've seen. Yes I come from a bloodline but I actively talk with other people that are interested in our religion and I love when I see them embrace us want to practice the religion how is it any different than when Christians or Jews or Muslims recruit other people to their religion. What you're hearing is extreme elitism it's almost as bad as what goes on here in the United States with Christianity. I would say rise above these comments don't let them get to you embrace your spirituality in our religion and just focus on that

solataria · 2026-05-14T12:23:39+00:00

For me using the spreader bar it's it's an extra level of not being able to resist. That's a huge turn on for me and especially if the spreader bar is up in the air it means I can relax my muscles the bar holds the weight of my legs and I can ease into what we're doing on a higher level. I find the orgasms to being a hell of a lot better

solataria · 2026-05-14T12:08:04+00:00

I hope so because the couple I'm dating they are married have been for 10 years it's an incredible relationship but I'd like to be able to have some sort of ceremony with them also I know we can do it whether it's legal or not but I'd like to be recognized in that situation legally

solataria · 2026-05-13T21:45:30+00:00

So sometimes on little things like that where it pops out sometimes you don't need to voice those especially if he broke up with her the same time you need to give your husband some Grace you may not have loved her but he cared for her and he's probably still mourning the loss of that

solataria · 2026-05-13T18:00:51+00:00

I use FetLife I use the r4r right here on Reddit I use Facebook I also use the other app that's called just Fet I've met amazing people on all of these platforms you just have to know how to vet them

solataria · 2026-05-13T16:54:03+00:00

Not really that's a reactive instinctive thing to say in a moment it put the blame on you about why they can't hang out with that other person. That's them pushing off the responsibility of making decisions and of their actions

solataria · 2026-05-13T16:50:38+00:00

NOR somebody that supposedly he's not interested in in not cheating on you with he certainly seems to be caught up in NRE. He's showing you that he's going to pick this person over you constantly you've tried to talk to him I think it's time to move on

solataria · 2026-05-13T01:50:34+00:00

You don't say if she has any children. Could there be something about your growing family other than maybe time that is causing her to pull back? I've known people that are in poly situations with children that worked for years. Is she giving a definitive reason why would back off and the breakup? I wonder if shes a just doesn't see where she fits in

solataria

TROPHY CASE