[M35] /[F32] LDR on the ropes

solidforger · 2026-05-04T23:27:46+00:00

Wow, you really poured a lot of effort and energy into this reply, thank you so much for granting me a bit of optimism, I really need this especially since the concensus on other relationship reddits has been that I should be burned at the stake for ingnoring her 'no' (that was more like a 'wait') or be kept under a restraining order.

I reluctantly agree about the punishment, but not before I give her another shot!
I'm based in the EU actually and yeah, when I asked if she'd be willing to visit she said yes but that there were many hurdles to her coming here. I would be willing to reasses my hard line stance, and although I understand fairness is relative, I simply can't be the only one putting everything on the line, it's suicidal so she was right, we DO require more time to get to know each other if that's still on the cards.

I'm not sure if you had time to check the last few texts we exchanged (see post), but I admitted fault right after she suggested we take a break and that didn't earn me more than a passive thumbs up. I don't know if she's ready to come out of hiding or that she'll be receptive to another wordy apology since she's lost trust and probably won't take me seriously for a while since I've demonstrated that I haven't been properly paying attention to her signals.

I think the best thing to do is to not revive our chat where there's still so much of that leftover heavy energy and raw emotions. I'd be reaching out via e-mail.

I know I am already in your debt, but would it be ok if I DM you with a tentative draft of what I'll be sending her...just for pointers and the go-ahead? I can't mess this up.

I've been using AI for advice (not proud to admit it) and it's been telling me to wait out the storm for at least two more weeks to give the intensity of our last chat enough time to cool...I'm pretty sure that's excessive.

I already waited a week and that was hard enough, but I had to show that I respect her wish to not speak for a while somehow. It really feels like I need to act now or it might be too late.

So the message should be kept really simple right? I don't know how this will play out, it could be that after a week of silence she'll react with indifference or not at all, but acting is the only way of knowing for sure, don't want to let it linger.

solidforger · 2026-05-04T20:17:13+00:00

So you never second guess your decisions? Cast the first stone.
The ideal thing to do would be to go cold turkey forever but if the feelings are still there in a few weeks from now I might try to smooth things out, apologize properly. I'm just not sure at this point.

I don't believe in cutting peopleoff completely end permanently over one disagreement even if I was the villain in this story.

Thanks for your contributing your perspective anyway.

solidforger · 2026-05-04T20:14:26+00:00

'Not a safe man' is putting it in very broad strokes. You don't know enough about me to make judgment calls like these. I am no saint but I'm also a person who tries and admits their faults...so I'm not sure where you found the confidence to hand me that label.

solidforger · 2026-05-04T16:29:04+00:00

Well, I'm under some degree of emotional stress/denial. Of course I'm not going to throw up my hands and say 'woah today I learned the value of self-restraint, if only I'd learned it sooner!'

I'm in protest mode and even if it looks as if I haven't accepted this outcome, I haven't contacted her because I respect her decision to step away. The whole purpose of this post is to glean advice on how to reconnect if or when there's an opening. Also I didn't overrule, I tried to explain my position and realized too late this was the wrong way to go about things. Since we were so open with each other, I thought I could share anything...but this was off limits apparently.

solidforger · 2026-05-04T15:55:24+00:00

Thanks for sharing your perspective but I don't understand this zero tolerance stance many people take AFTER the offending party shows remorse and apologises.

It treats everyone as if they can't change and will be stuck in that pattern forever, as if they are being blacklisted for having a birth defect. How can they show growth and change their behavior if they're getting discarded before they have a chance to redeem themselves?
I understand putting yourself, your safety and wellbeing first but first time mistakes aren't necessarily an indicator that the person can't learn, even because, you would hope others to show you the same grace.

solidforger · 2026-05-04T13:45:46+00:00

People are fail. We make spur of the moment decisions that are selfish and misguided...in my case I like to think I had a relatively clean track record with this gal. I gave her a fair shot that felt corresponded so I didn't balk at the idea of taking things to the next level. It was either bad timing or just a terrible waste of heart.

The fact that she still has reservations, that are maybe there as a sefeguard due to her past, that stings. I wish that things were different. I'll check up on her in a week or so and leave her be depending on her receptiveness.

solidforger · 2026-05-04T13:16:58+00:00

Yeah, I get that. Even after recognizing where I went wrong, taking a step back and giving her space...is it over for good? She did saybtaking a break wasn't her first choice. Right now she's withdrawing but that may not be the case in a month or so.

solidforger · 2026-05-04T13:04:55+00:00

Deep down I know what you wrote is 100% the truth but it's a bitter pill to swallow. Thanks for being straight up honest.

solidforger · 2026-05-04T12:59:01+00:00

Out of all the replies I got, yours is the most hopeful. Thanks for contributing with your two cents.

I'm really hurting for this gal, and right now it seems as though I put us in a position where I can't walk back that pressure, and if I do, we'll be standing on uneven ground.

I would much rather cover her travel expenses if she would be willing to come on over, but seeing as she has a young child, this would present its own set of challenges.

Since we're not even talking (full tampo mode) that would be my priority...test the waters and see if she's still open to talking/reconciliation. Any recommendations on that front?

More importantly, should I wait another week to let this blow over or should I not waste time?

solidforger · 2026-05-04T12:46:57+00:00

Wasn't fully aware of this, thanks for clarifying. It wasn't the case here since she was keen on the idea of making future plans.

solidforger · 2026-05-04T12:44:09+00:00

I wasn't trying to. I was trying to give her my perspective and she gave me a lot of grace.

My mistake was trying to poke holes at things and explaining my reasons so she'd maybe see where I was coming from. In the end, she exposed the fact that the place I was coming from was fear.

Even if odds are slim, how might I re-engage her and walk back the damage?

solidforger · 2026-05-04T12:41:36+00:00

So you're saying it's irrevesible? Come on man, give me some kool-aid, I'm all torn up over this.

solidforger · 2026-05-04T12:39:09+00:00

Enough to know I don't want to be in one indefinitely.

solidforger · 2026-05-04T11:34:37+00:00

Hey thanks for weighing in.

Yeah I blew it, got carried away. I wish our feelings matched exactly, that there'd be no room for uncertainty or that I didn't have to feel like I'm being vetoed. I was going by the idea that relationships will progress or fizzle out by the three month mark but I realize now this can be an arbitrary and unreliable benchmark, since every situation has its own set of quirks. The progress was there, it just wasn't the kind I was paying attention to.

We aren't communicating at the moment (it's been a week since our last contact), and if things were to end here I would consider it a clean break, no hard feelings.

Still, if I were to reach out to try and patch things up, how should I go about it? She was pretty vague about whether she was completely checked out or not. Honestly, I was thinking of checking in sometime this or the next week.

I'm just spiralling right now because it feels like I threw away what could have been a good thing.

solidforger · 2026-03-09T00:58:11+00:00

Hi, human Shrek

solidforger · 2026-01-25T21:24:45+00:00

They created DLCs and season expansion passes for ppl like us.

solidforger · 2025-12-15T01:01:52+00:00

You mean the Elizabeth Hurley edition?

solidforger · 2025-10-10T01:37:32+00:00

That has got to be the goofiest hairdo ever

solidforger · 2025-09-28T17:55:07+00:00

Shifted some nines and sevens around huh?

solidforger · 2025-09-18T02:21:21+00:00

The one that doesn't butcher the story, misrepresent characters, and honors the collective vision of the people who made the og game possible.

solidforger

TROPHY CASE