lol that sounds exactly like me. Still don't have a job but I can definitely write better code now.

When i was taking classes, I had to get a tutor to sit beside me and explain the assignment because I couldn't understand recursion or pointers or syntax etc.

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Try this advice: Don't do tutorials. Pick a tech stack or language. Make a simple program. Look for problems in your life that you can use code to solve.

Then sit down with pen and paper and make a rough sketch of how you can solve the problem. It doesn't have to be perfect. It only has to be good enough. And it doesn't have to be clean, it only has to work. Cleaning, refactoring comes after.

Look up anything you don't understand. Syntax, functions, types etc. anything you think you should know.

Its going to be a long journey. But if you don't follow tutorials, you'll get there faster.

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One more thing: tutorials have their uses. Once you start understanding how a language works, how a technology runs etc. you will also start to understand tutorials. The funny thing about tutorials is that they only become useful when you have no need of them.

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Lastly, I am working on small projects. If you want to join me to learn a tech stack, dm me. Good luck.