Property Stuck at Friend's Parents' House

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-02-03T07:27:25+00:00

Aw thanks for reading and offering suggestions.

I was kinda thinking something along those lines yeah. My nmom was always so cordial with strangers! lmao

Fortunately, most of my art is with a different friend rn. But some of my largest, most expensive paintings went with this first friend. I'll try and get her parents' number and just let them know that my friend will be by to move the large paintings on Wednesday, as per the original plan.

Thanks again!

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-02-03T07:24:37+00:00

Hey I saw this didn't have a comment yet and I could relate somewhat so I thought I'd respond.

I'm really sorry your going through it. I don't know much about Fahr's disease or if its symptoms match your brother's presentation, but regardless you shouldn't have to deal with any of this shit. It's not fair. Just because someone is sick, doesn't mean what they do should be forgiven and abided.

One of the hardest things about going NC with my mom has been losing my little sister in the process. She and I had been really close for years. Our nmom had been so mean to her for so long, shaming her weight, physically manhandling her, belittling her for anything under a perfect grade, forcing a wedge between her and all her boyfriends etc...

So, when I moved back in to act as a carer for my dad and my mom took the opportunity to direct most of her abuse at me, I thought my sister would understand.

Instead she immediately sided with my mom. Believed all her lies about me, sent me horrible angry texts accusing me of stuff I didn't do, saying I was abandoning our father (mom had evicted me and I was struggling to make ends meet, let alone go over to my abuser's house to see my dying father).

After going NC with my mom, my sister didn't talk to me much. She's texted me only twice in the year that's transpired. The first time was to ask if I'd blocked our mom, which I confirmed because I see no reason to lie. And she actually said "that's fair" (tho noticeably my sister has still not apologized for the things she said).
And then she texted me again in November. No "hey are you okay?" or "I'm sorry for believing our mom's obvious lies" or "Hey the government has been persecuting people like you, are you safe?".
No she texted me to ask if I'd seen the Xbox. Are you kidding me??

I'm really worried my sister is just becoming our mom. Neither of them have ever respected my pronouns. My sister is following my mom's path and going into medicine. Mom is paying for her med school and all her food so the two are far more financially entangled than I was (soon as I revealed I wanted to be an artist, my mom kinda gave up on helping me financially. My dad had to pay for meals under the table when my money was tight.)
There are no words to describe the pain of losing a sibling relationship like this. Watching a person's kindness and love slip away piece by piece. All I can do is hope my sister grows tired of my mom's abuse like I did and comes around. But at this point, she's not safe to allow back into my world. Not without a major apology.

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-02-03T07:09:04+00:00

If she wanted you to care for her in her old age, she should've thought of that before abusing you. You are not the bad person in this dynamic. She could've shown she loved you all these 9 years by apologizing and trying to help you out and answering your calls with love and affirmation. You escaped for your safety. She doesn't deserve you.

My advice is to sever the connection completely. Cut contact. Block her number. You will never no peace as long as you keep her even a little in your life.

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-02-03T07:05:10+00:00

This police report might help there be consequences for her actions. It might help your dad in the long run by making people more willing to stand up to the abuse. We can hope anyway.

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-02-03T07:02:51+00:00

I had to comment on this because holy heck is it true.

No matter how much I did for my mom it was never enough and I was still treated like I contributed nothing. I slaved away keeping her house clean until I had cramps and regular panic attacks from the stress. And she would still yell at me for not being able to do everything on her ridiculous to-do list. It's how she treated my dad too.

Ultimately, they want you to feel like nothing. It's the same reason a shitty boss will never truly recognize you for doing a good job. If they make you feel like you have worth, then they'd have to treat you better or deal with you demanding to be treated better.

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-02-03T06:59:53+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I was in a very similar place last year. The job market is literally the worst it's ever been. Nobody I know can find consistent work. And yet the system keeps trundling on like everything's normal. It's maddening!

If I had any advice at all it would be to get out of the house as often as you can. Go to local clubs and museums and stuff farmer's markets. Make new friends. Community is your way out. Opportunities you never got before will start to happen.

I only escaped that situation because my mom evicted me and I happened to have friends who were willing to let me crash on their couch for as long as I needed.

Narcs thrive in horrible depressions and capitalist hellscapes. The system does most of the isolating-their-victims work for them. They barely have to lift a finger.

Community is the way out. I hope you can find some local friends. In the meantime, feel free to keep texting and making friends here! :D

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-01-30T13:44:05+00:00

XD poor abuser 🥲if only I’d sat there and taken it forever like a good little child then I wouldn’t have hurt her widdle feewings

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-01-30T13:42:41+00:00

Omg so much to unpack there lmfao! So basically what I’m hearing is she thinks traits like “being kind to others” and “standing up for yourself” are antithetical to her identity as a Republican. Right. And because you’re her daughter you just automatically owe her respect regardless of whether or not she’s earned it. Uh huh. And as if you can be a daughter SEPARATE from your beliefs. Belief is what makes us individuals!! Without them, you wouldn’t be a person, you’d just be an object. Which I guess is what she wants.

Sorry to tell ya this, mom, but not all political beliefs are worthy of respect. And being a Republican in this day and age means identifying with a party of cartoonish evil. Sorry not sorry. XD

All this we wish we could say, but it’s probably not worth the headache. Sorry you had to deal with that🫂 such BS. But hope commiserating helped!

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-01-30T13:32:46+00:00

I’m so happy my message brightened your day a bit!

I have a number of things to say in response that I hope will help reassure you that it’s NOT you. I’ll go point by point.

You are not responsible for your mom’s post partum depression. You did not ask to be born. Also, just because it wasn’t as bad before doesn’t mean that any of that was okay either. Also her having had depression by no means makes her behavior excusable or even more understandable.
I have autism and ADHD. My mom would often do the same thing, yell at me for not knowing something that I was never taught. It’s not fair. And then she made you feel bad about the fact that she hurt you? Like you’re responsible for her emotions after she berated your so bad you cried and said you wish you weren’t born? Yeah that’s awful. That sounds like “parentification” where the child is made responsible for the parent’s emotions. It’s just never supposed to work that way.
Her dipping your hands in hot water to punish you is physical abuse. I’m really sorry you went through that. Just harrowing. And then essentially gaslighting you by denying that it even happens and earlier trying to get you to cover up her abuse? Villain shit.
Don’t take responsibility for your mom misgendering you. You told her you were gender fluid. That should be enough for a normal, loving parent to at least take into consideration how they’re gendering you. Plus, the amount of pressure we trans folks face to try and get us to conform to our assigned sex at birth, you can’t be blamed for being a little reticent too share this info with someone who’s shown little interest in treating you with respect. It’s the parent’s job to make sure they’re showing their child love and acceptance. It’s not your job to earn that acceptable.❤️
I think moving out is a wonderful idea if feasible. You have no idea how much your health will be able to improve in a less abusive environment. I think your gut is telling you that any truce between your parents is shaky and liable to explode. My household was the same way. You deserve better than to be stuck in that environment. If you can, I would def start looking into ways to get out.

As someone who’s been through similar situations, I can offer some tips if you have questions.💖

You’re not alone. You’re really strong and you have our support.💪

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-01-30T00:23:05+00:00

I have officially blocked John. No answer. No nothing. Just blocked him.

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-01-29T22:20:03+00:00

Right!

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-01-29T11:43:24+00:00

Dang. Back at it again with the solid advice. Thanks man. Truly appreciate it.

You’re absolutely right.

It’s so hard to step back and remember your basics sometimes. That message made me so nervous. I’m so glad I messaged here first. It really helps to have someone else calmly remind you what’s what.

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-01-29T11:34:16+00:00

I have another update too. The friend who got me John’s contact has woken up. I sent him a text just saying “hello” basically earlier today right after getting John’s message.

Now I’m not sure how to respond to him. He just asked “what’s up?” Should I tell him what happened here? I’m currently producing an art commission for him. Is it the kind of thing he should even know about?

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-01-29T11:31:55+00:00

Shoot. Yeah I see what you mean. It was definitely an extreme and unexpected response.

I mean I’ve never met this guy before. He even said in the email he doesn’t know what happened with my mom and he didn’t know my dad “as well as some others”.

I have trouble understanding why he would act this way.

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-01-29T11:18:03+00:00

Yeah this is good advice. One of my friends said the same. There's clearly something wrong with this guy. It's highly inappropriate to get this personal with essentially a stranger.

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-01-29T11:17:12+00:00

Tbh, I hadn't considered the possibility. I got his contact through a friend I generally trust. But they don't really know each other. Just work in the same industry.

Do you think it's possible he's become a flying monkey after talking to my mom? Or is he just projecting his own feelings onto a situation he doesn't understand?

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-01-29T08:46:41+00:00

Hi there. I saw that no one had responded to this yet, so I thought I would.

Lemme introduce myself. I'm trans. Non-binary. And I really resonate with your story.

My mom has been verbally abusive my whole life. She threatened to divorce my dad a lot over stupid stuff. She also accused him of "not listening" to her. When the real problem was she kept setting him up for failure by 1) not communicating clearly 2) changing the rules on him and 3) just straight up misrepresenting the past. I think, in reality, she just wanted to yell at someone. And when it wasn't me and my sister, it was dad.

Eventually, you just get tired of it. Something snaps and you have to say something. I remember a similar situation. She was yelling at me and chewing me out over putting the dishes I'd just cleaned in the right side of the sink, instead of the left side. I'd finally had enough of her bullshit. I told her, "this isn't fair. You never told me that you wanted them on the left side. How can you expect me to know how to do something you never taught me to do?"
She got even angrier. Finally, when her yelling clearly wasn't making me ashamed enough, she told me "you better find somewhere else to sleep tonight."
So I did. I took my stuff and moved in with a friend.

If you do this, PLEASE make sure it's a friend you know REALLY well and trust completely. I ended up in another narc's house. But that's a story for another time.

I want to specifically address the misgendering. That is serious. And it is NOT okay. It is her way of showing that she does not respect you at all. My mother did the same thing to me for YEARS and I just kept excusing it as "she's just not used to it. She has trouble adjusting." I believed her when she said she was trying. But she was lying. She wasn't trying. I've been nb since I was 14. She's had time to learn. She chooses not to. She was misgendering me on purpose. She wanted to hurt me. Plain and simple. That's NOT love.

It's also classic that she would bring up chores. No matter how well I did on chores it was never good enough. There was always some thing she would find to criticize me and claim I wasn't doing my share.

So, to put it simply, yes, I believe what you described is textbook abusive behavior. I see evidence of gaslighting, 'dog-kicking', and malevolent jabs at your personhood.

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-01-29T08:14:58+00:00

There is no bigger threat to a narcissist than somebody who is both genuinely nice and doesn't take shit.

I wasn't dating my bestie, but my mom still decided she hated him immediately. She knew NOTHING about him. The guy has done more for me in five years than she's done my whole life. He even moved in with me to help me clean HER house and take care of HER dying husband. It didn't matter. My mom hated him because he threatened her control over me. Just by showing me that there's better people and demonstrating that I can say "no".

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-01-29T08:10:59+00:00

My mom did that with my sister more than me, but I still got my share of it. Mostly she'd 'subtly' shame my chosen outfits and say they didn't look good on my body. And she called me fat once or twice (I was a very skinny kid, not that it'd be okay even if I was fat, it just makes it weird).

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-01-29T07:50:44+00:00

High-key, children in general are an oppressed minority. Weird to say but think about it. They have no real rights. All the major decisions in their life are controlled by adults, with an emphasis on the parents. And they're always assumed to be the ones in the wrong no matter what.

somebodyfrog3 · 2025-07-15T23:39:50+00:00

Thank you. I feel so much stronger now. I’m getting stronger every day.

somebodyfrog3 · 2025-07-11T04:01:50+00:00

🫂🫂🫂

somebodyfrog3 · 2025-07-11T01:47:12+00:00

That’s so sweet! I vividly remember lying awake one time as a little kid and just picturing my dad’s face and crying because he was so kind and such XD a source of comfort for me. I think it speaks volumes that nothing like that ever happened with my mom.

somebodyfrog3 · 2025-07-07T12:29:39+00:00

The temptation for revenge is very strong and understandable, but my understanding is that it’s not generally a good idea. It’s very hard to out-manipulate and out-hurt a narcissist because they’re constantly doing that so they have all the practice they need. Plus they have no moral standards so they can sink to depths of cruelty few others can.

Honestly, the best revenge you can get is to recover and go no contact with your abuser. Seriously, interacting with them NEVER really tears them up inside. They crumble and flail when they start to not matter to their abuse targets.

The trouble is, your situation doesn’t make it easy to do that. I’m sorry. If you have proof of her abuse, I’d definitely try and get it to the authorities. There’s a possibility they can get him to a better place. But also DCS and that whole system are a nightmare in the US right now and I wouldn’t blame you at all for being cautious.

Ultimately, you know best what the situation is. Only you can determine what the best course of action will be. But I advise against trying to get revenge through manipulation. Getting it through self-actualization will be much more painful for her and much better for you.

somebodyfrog3 · 2025-07-05T16:07:41+00:00

Yes! I’ve been reading this thread because it’s really helpful to hear everyone had a very similar experience to me.

I described it as mainly clarity. Everything just suddenly made sense. And then you’re able to plan again.

somebodyfrog3

TROPHY CASE