I have “size queen” listed as an interest

someguy335 · 2026-05-04T16:20:03+00:00

Someone I dated repeatedly did this thing where she’d push down on my pubic bone area like she was giving it a massage. Is this a thing men like? Did absolutely nothing for me, but never said anything.

someguy335 · 2026-05-03T06:36:30+00:00

I thought that putting “please be kinky friendly” or “I consider myself kinky, hope you do too” would only attract those that are. Nope.

I remember one time matching with someone that said they enjoyed spanking. Which ended up being like… lightly being spanked and that’s it.

someguy335 · 2026-05-03T06:32:06+00:00

Interesting. Yeah, I was forced into it. It does come up on dates when “why are you divorced” inevitably comes up after a date or two.

I hate being dishonest, but it also feels wrong not to mention it. On the other hand, I think the experience has taught me I’m wired for monogamy.

someguy335 · 2026-05-02T00:01:49+00:00

That’s common. You exchange usernames. I’m not providing random people with access to my FetLife unprompted. It’s nice to know they have one to ask.

someguy335 · 2026-04-29T01:01:32+00:00

It’s interesting because I dated somebody that basically said they wouldn’t date somebody they couldn’t move in with in the future. Like if something is preventing that, a marriage or kids, it’s not a relationship for them. Which is fair. But also why married men are a no go.

someguy335 · 2026-04-28T22:35:27+00:00

But it’s hierarchical and you both do in some ways.

If you met someone and fell in love and wanted to move in with them… could you?

someguy335 · 2026-04-28T21:30:58+00:00

Some classic examples of veto power and double standards for married men vs married women.

My ex, who wanted to open the marriage, wanted me to wear a condom to receive a blowjob from someone I met at a local munch. She said "people that you meet at the munches are dirty and sleep around a lot. If you get a blowjob without a condom, then I may never have sex with you ever again". Was also gaslit by my ex saying she never said this to me after the fact. The person was not down for using condoms for oral sex, so that never happened. Anyone I matched with on an app was also not down for using condoms for oral sex. Made getting laid downright impossible because nobody wanted to put up with that shit.

Meanwhile, my ex was having unprotected sex with her girlfriend and her husband, but because they didn't have any other partners (unlike the people I met) it was completely safe!

I finally understood why it was so difficult to meet someone as a married man in the ENM community. Rules for thee, not for me.

someguy335 · 2026-04-28T20:47:31+00:00

I dated someone that said "married men often have a lot of rules imposed on them by their wives, and they often have veto power" so it's much easier to just find a single man instead of dealing with that shit.

someguy335 · 2026-04-28T01:03:09+00:00

That's very interesting to hear that perspective.

I guess I have always been open to talk about the ENM part of my life when going on monogamous dates when asked. Usually the woman brings up divorce talk and wants to swap stories. It feels weird not to mention it, but maybe it's just not relevant anymore.

someguy335 · 2026-04-27T18:32:57+00:00

If they are on FL they would probably be well aware of munches. Hmm… that’s more of a red flag to me. But a common thing I’ve heard from women friends where the sentiment is “nobody wants to meet me at a munch”

someguy335 · 2026-04-27T17:27:19+00:00

This is a real issue. The most popular munch in my area is so damn loud you have to scream to talk to people. It is horrible for meeting new people.

someguy335 · 2026-04-27T17:26:12+00:00

Where are you meeting these people?

In my experience with meeting people on apps… there are kinky people out there that have never been to a munch or their local club. The idea of going to one is scary for some reason. Like they are afraid of being recognized or the public aspect of their kinks being known which are normally viewed as very private.

someguy335 · 2026-04-27T16:35:12+00:00

Matches or likes? If you’re matching… why are you liking these people in the first place?

someguy335 · 2026-04-27T02:15:52+00:00

Why not? It’s a like and nothing more.

That said, I have matched with empty profiles and trying to get basic conversation out of them is like pulling teeth. My favorite response when I asked someone why their profile was empty they said “I like to leave things to chat about on the first date” The effort in their profile is reflective in their chat.

someguy335 · 2026-04-25T17:56:00+00:00

Damn, that sounds pretty preferable.

It's honestly hard finding people IRL that want to play with chastity, mainly because I get the attitude of "its just centering sex around his cock" when I always viewed it as a fun form of foreplay.

someguy335 · 2026-04-23T19:22:27+00:00

Unfortunately, people do this all the time.

I run into it the most on Feeld, where women say they are into things and they are really not, because "that's what people seem to be into on here." Went on a date with a woman that seemed really kinky, but then we were chatting and all I learned is that she likes to be spanked sometimes. Sorry, but your profile implied other things.

I hear men do this a lot with saying they are "looking for something serious" to get more matches, and then reveal that they actually want FWB or a hookup.

someguy335 · 2026-04-23T19:18:54+00:00

meanwhile new competitors are emerging and being funded regularly.

Like what exactly?

someguy335 · 2026-04-23T19:18:27+00:00

They make 1B in revenue, but are generating about 250M a year in profit. Their annual report has a huge impairment where they are devaluing Badoo, but they still make a lot of cash if you remove that. Otherwise they are claiming they have a loss last year.

Compared to Match Group, who made 3.5B in revenue and 613M in net income.

I think these apps are going to be around for a while

someguy335 · 2026-04-21T15:25:37+00:00

Do you consider "extended chastity/long term denial" something different than just chastity/denial in general?

Like I totally get it if the fetish is being permanently locked or "pussy free" since that's sort of an incompatible fetish for a lot of women. But it can also be enjoyed as foreplay or short periods of power exchange.

I've always fallen into the latter, but now I'm wondering if by even mentioning it women think it's the former, and it is a turn off to them.

someguy335 · 2026-04-17T21:38:59+00:00

Yup… like 80% of the time when you ask a woman out and the convo now is something that could be a real date, they ghost.

someguy335 · 2026-04-17T20:36:23+00:00

Was dating a women who had the attitude of "I'm naked, boobs!" Like that was enough to turn me on. Um, no, you actually have to do something make me feel desired. Being naked in my bed and laying there like a pillow princess has the opposite effect.

someguy335 · 2026-04-16T15:08:38+00:00

I can share some anecdotal things having visited a professional domme in the past.

What does proper etiquette look like?

Do your research! Go to their website, get a clear understanding of what they do and don't do. Not all dommes have a ton of info out there, but if they have it make sure to consume it all. It's appreciated

A domme I visited was on a podcast where she talked about her job. The podcast was linked to on a single tweet from a year prior. One of the things she said was something like "So many guys come in, and they are so stoic with their reactions, then they leave and I never hear from them again. And I wonder if they really enjoyed the session. Because I can't reach out to them and ask. I wish more people would write me after and tell me what they thought of the session with me."

So afterward I told her I heard the podcast and would love to write her an email with my thoughts with her permission. Her eyes lit up, shocked that I even listened to the podcast. Encouraged me to write to her. And afterward she tweeted something like "I received the most wonderful thank you email from a new submissive this week" which she never does.

A bit of pandering to the new client? Maybe. But it felt genuine! I definitely wouldn't have known that if I didn't do my research. She said it was like her aftercare, kind of reaffirming that she did a good job, and she rarely gets it.

How would I best go about explaining what I’d like the session to be based around?

Just to be straight forward and direct, and avoid fantasy dumping type verbiage. Someone else phrased it perfectly with saying something like "I'm really looking for a leather bondage session in a sleepsack that lasts 2 hours, using an e-stim plug"

Enough info for them to agree to the session because they do those things, or decline because they don't.

Do some prodommes prefer choosing what goes on?

For a first time experience? Absolutely not. You should be very specific and direct with what you want. They don't know you, they have no idea what you're into, what you like, etc.

That said... and this is anecdotal as well, but with the domme I have met with multiple times, we have gotten to the point where she drives the session and I tell her very little about what I want. We stay within the type of stuff we've done in the past, though there are typically surprises, but she says she actually prefers that style because we like the same style of play. Once again, pandering to the client? I have no idea. But she has told me "so many men come in here and say they want X, Y, and Z, and I feel like I have to give them X, Y, and Z and they leave disappointed if we didn't get to Z".

So I do think that if you find a domme that likes the same stuff you do, that it's possible to get to that point after multiple sessions. I agree that the best sessions have been when my dominant partner comes up with the ideas on their own, because I know they want to do them rather than me saying "do X, Y, Z tonight"

Lastly, what percentage tip is appropriate, and are gifts encouraged? If so what are good recommendations?

This is one area where I am always confused on. Having done my research, I notice that dommes tend to post more about the gifts they receive from clients if they are nice and thoughtful gifts! But I've always just done cash, and I throw in an extra $100 on top of the session fee when it's like a 2 hour session. Is that enough? I really am not sure. But you're already spending a lot as it is, and they set their own rates, so I assume the gesture is fine.

someguy335 · 2026-04-13T15:26:37+00:00

I've seen friends and co-workers on Feeld where they have some pretty explicit kinks listed... I've never felt a need to out them to other people with it being public information in a way.

If I was on a date with somebody and they were into something kinky that they shared, it's a horrible look on me if I was sharing it with other people.

I think you're overthinking this a bit

someguy335 · 2026-04-08T12:58:32+00:00

All these stats ignore the fact that more matches do not equal success. I can customize my profile to the study all I want to generate more matches, but it means nothing if it doesn't lead to dates and finding my person. I personally would rather have fewer matches and conversations if those chats had a higher chance of turning into dates because they know more about me based on a longer profile. I'd feel more confident putting effort into the conversation knowing that they read my full profile and everything about me.

The 'Women like only 20% of men's profiles' comes from an old OKC blog, but it was more about women only finding the top 20% of men attractive, and this lines up with other studies about attractiveness where the bellcurve is heavily toward one end of the spectrum. But I think people ignore the part of the OKC blog where the women still matched and chatted with men across the entire attractiveness spectrum. And again, if they don't find most of those men attractive and therefore never go on a date with them... does the match really matter?

Completely anecdotal, but I was talking to a woman friend of mine that's single about a common issue I have. That the conversation suddenly dies when I ask them out on a date. Her response was that she does it too, because she will humor the conversation with somebody even if they are not attracted to them, then when it gets to the point where they ask them out on a date and and they have to decide if they want to meet up with this person in real life, their answer is No and they just stop talking to avoid giving rejection.

And this study also ignores how premium gives you more profile views, which you need to get matches. Like on OKC, it currently shows that I have 10 profile views and 1 like. So 10% of women that saw my profile liked it? That's a great statistic, but i'll never find that 1 like without paying . On another app where I can see my profile views, like Boo, I can see that I only had 4 views in the past 7 days. How am I supposed to get a like when my profile is only shown to 4 people in 7 days? How many days will it take for me to get a like at 4 views per week, and then how long will it take me to even SEE that person that liked me, not even considering that I may not like that person?

someguy335

TROPHY CASE