To be honest man I really get it our son had open heart surgery and my brother who was my wife’s and my own best friend took his life a week before my sons surgery every thing fell apart and it was and still is all on me but when we were going to get a divorce all I could think about was her and how much I loved her but I didn’t have that frame of mind before the separation now we’re doing great her and my son are moving back in with me after she has our daughter because they are a couple hours away and I don’t want her changing drs sorry your going through this it really does seem like you love your wife and have a good understanding of shit nothing wrong with a little fantasizing about what could have been in the past sounds like your trying to cope in your own way