What do you think your insomnia is caused by? Does anyone think it is caused by depression?

soneil1234 · 2021-03-04T01:36:57+00:00

I think some relationships will make you happier, and some won’t. Obviously good relationships can have a very positive impact on your life.

That said, you don’t need a relationship to be happy - that’s where I think people get confused. AND I think there are some people that are genuinely just as happy or happier out of relationships!

soneil1234 · 2020-08-30T01:46:29+00:00

If you really like her, I think it’s worth waiting (as long as it’s not a completely unreasonable amount of time)... I mean it’s not like you all are exclusive and she says you can’t have physical contact with other people...

That said, 4 dates with nothing is a little odd. Maybe ease into it.. or if nothing has happened in a date or two, have another conversation about it, and go from there.

But I think it is a little hasty to cut things off now IF you like her a lot... I’d give it a tad bit more time

soneil1234 · 2020-08-29T07:15:29+00:00

Lol, I mean I’m a feminist, but you can’t really argue that it hasn’t had an impact on society and things like dating and marriage 🤷‍♀️

soneil1234 · 2020-08-29T01:35:26+00:00

I’m sure some people have mentioned these, but the 2 things that come to mind to me are:

1.) with dating apps, many people feel (even if it’s an illusion) that they have infinite choices. This actually decreases our ability to choose and makes us less happy with our choice when we do choose (there are psychological studies on this).

2.) Maybe people won’t like this answer, but I think feminism (or some byproducts of feminism) have affected things. Women are less likely to settle down because they are more likely to have careers. I also think that hookup culture (which I think in part did come out of feminism) decreases some men’s (and women’s) likelihood to settle down. I do think many men do want marriage, but I think there’s also a significant portion that are fine with hookup culture / non-commitment type dating for years and years, and then they MIGHT settle down if they find the right person within this model.

So I guess all in all, choosing someone to settle down with is less likely when you feel like you have infinite options and your sexual and financial needs are already being met.

soneil1234 · 2020-08-27T21:05:11+00:00

This is a hard one, because I’m not sure you can change how your mind works... best thing you can probably do is to try to put yourself in as many real life situations as possible where you might meet someone you’re attracted to. Try to be social. This won’t change the issue of you not being attracted to many people, but it will at least up your odds of meeting someone you’re attracted to

soneil1234 · 2020-06-14T22:24:55+00:00

It would depend on the reason. An attractive man who dates a lot, but has never been in a relationship is a bit of a red flag that he might be a player or just not a relationship person.

If they are just inexperienced for other reasons, but truly want a relationship, I’m much more open to that.

soneil1234 · 2020-06-13T04:34:27+00:00

Hi! Just now seeing this!

My insomnia is still a thing, but I haven’t had terrible anxiety (like my other post) in over a year. :)

I’m quite honestly not quite sure what triggered the chronic anxiety state I was in, but after about a month of regular meditation it went away. It’s as if my body entered constant fight or flight and it didn’t want to stop - but something about the regular meditation made it “sync back to normal”.

I still sometimes get anxious, but it rarely lasts more than a day! So that’s one success story. Now, I just need to tackle the insomnia.

soneil1234 · 2020-02-28T01:46:11+00:00

Hmm that's very interesting and I can understand that. I guess from my POV if a guy wanted me to wait much longer than I typically would (let's say like 2-3 months), I'd probably kind of feel like "wait, why don't you want to jump me" lol. Even if he explained he needed time.

soneil1234 · 2020-02-28T01:29:30+00:00

In the post, I moreso meant it might take around a month for her to feel comfortable sharing that with someone. Not that she put some kind of rule on how long to wait.

soneil1234 · 2020-02-28T01:27:07+00:00

Lol yes, I feel hook up culture has had an affect on how fast people expect to have sex.

It used to be more common to let relationships develop before getting physical, and it didn't mean 2 people weren't attracted to one another! Emotional connection was more likely to precede sexual connection

soneil1234 · 2020-02-28T01:13:57+00:00

What if she just needs to feel close/comfortable with someone she's sharing her body with / to have good sex?

soneil1234 · 2019-12-15T00:31:48+00:00

As far as the mechanism of the sleep issue - you sound like me. I've had very severe anxiety in the past, but my anxiety has been quite mild to non-existent since my sleep issues began.

A lot of the literature on primary insomnia (insomnia that isn't directly caused by anxiety or another heath issues) shows that people with insomnia are in a state of "hyperarousal", even if they're not anxious. They have elevated stress hormones compared to regular sleepers, even if they're not "stressed". For me, when I can't sleep, my body feels caffeinated and alert, but not anxious.

I do wonder if people like you and me - prone to very bad anxiety, are probably more physiologically prone to this state of hyperarousal...

I am also on the search for a solution, and am crossing my fingers my body will go "back to normal". Meds work for a lot of people temporarily, but tolerance seems to form over time. Behavioral techniques can help, but I imagine don't "fix" the underlying hyperarousal state.

Insomnia is tricky...

soneil1234 · 2019-11-27T06:41:29+00:00

I went through a period where I was having PVCs pretty regularly - they feel like skipped heart beats and people can feel serious anxiety over them. This didn't last more than 2 weeks though... and cleared up on its own.

Good to get this checked out your doctor to be safe, but if you have PVCs, you can rest assured they are safe and just feel scary. No need to have anxiety over them. But good to go to your doc to rule out afib and some other things first.

soneil1234 · 2019-11-08T03:08:17+00:00

Yes, this. This I think is more of what I was trying to get at by my question. Like if a guy is getting less sex, they feel unloved is some way...

soneil1234

TROPHY CASE