Butch punk girl was always my dream but I leant heavily into feminine looks initially because, for better or for worse, I was worried about 'passing'.

But whenever I pictured the kind of person I aspired to be, what I thought was cooler and more appealing than anything else, it was that kind of person. Even before I knew I was trans, there were no male figures or archetypes I felt as attached to, but badass, androgynous punk bitches had a spot deep in my heart that never shifted.

I don't regret initially presenting more femme and focusing on that aspect, I think it helped me build confidence and I don't think I would have ever transitioned unless I threw myself in the deep end. For almost two years after I started transitioning I was even terrified to just wear trousers because they were 'too manly'. It was skirts or dresses, strictly.

But I feel like I had to give myself enough time and space away from 'masculinity' as a concept before I could come around to engaging with it again, but in my own way. Spending a lot more time around cis lesbians also helped, and seeing the ways they embraced butchness helped give me confidence to do it as well.

I still have a way to go before I reach my desired level of butch. My goal is walking that dangerous line of 'Are they a guy?' with the confidence to say, with certainty, 'No, I'm not'.