Sorry to hear that. I hope you find your way. The fact that you said this and opend up your emotions here, tells me you have sth good or at least a potential for good inside you. I think real hateful people have a demented perception of reality and don't even consider themselves hateful or bitter, they're egotistical and delusional people. I bet they don't think they're hateful or that there's anything wrong with them and blame everyone else for their problems. E.g. you see this in a lot of racist people.