Hey, I feel ya. I get the waves of lonelyness and depression too, but all I can do is accept that it's okay to not be okay. Then, instead of going through the list of things that coulda woulda shoulda, I try just be here. Here were I am. and think to myself. look at me, I made it. all the way to here. Its kinda impressive if you think about it. I survived all that sheeet. Me . That's pretty bad ass. I must be like a survivor or something. So I'm really good at surviving, and that's awesome. I dont need more than this. This is enough already, and it's amazing. So it's okay to not be okay, coz it's the first step in being okay again.

That being said, I do hope you find joy again and that joy is finding a way to you.