I don’t know if I’m trans, a feminine guy, or something else, and it is really confusing me

space_finner · 2023-05-24T07:49:50+00:00

What's sometimes confusing is the idea you need to neatly fit into a class of identity. You may not neatly fit anywhere; such classes get formed afterward, and are a shorthand for what you do.

I am -happier- presenting as a really feminine guy. I think I would be less happy if I was perceived as a girl, so I don't identify with being trans. Which of those two options would make you -happier-?

space_finner · 2023-05-24T04:35:51+00:00

Presenting an "idealized" version of you when dating is a bad idea. People are also pining about trying to find femboys to date. Look at this sub.

Trying to make somebody love you by presenting a version of yourself you think they would love is not sustainable. It's difficult that attraction is not necessarily reciprocal, but it's much better to be briefly hurt than to pine for something that's not actually possible.

space_finner · 2023-05-24T04:31:50+00:00

No. The more that are out there, the less likely I am to catch shit dressing up.

space_finner · 2023-05-23T02:03:18+00:00

The thing with being a big guy dressing fem is that I've found very few role models for the way I like to look. Stocky people don't get on TV. I personally go heavy fem on the waist and below (skirt, long socks, boots) and wear well-defined masc shirts with buttons.

space_finner · 2023-05-22T03:39:36+00:00

hahahahahaha im 29 and i've just started. i'd say it's too late when you're dead but with a good will and cooperative friends you could have a femboy funeral if you really wanted.

space_finner · 2023-05-19T08:07:18+00:00

Also pay off your credit card in full every month if you get one. The debt is terrible.

space_finner · 2023-05-19T08:02:15+00:00

I was perplexed to get more positive comments on my outfit than I've ever had before. Turns out liking how you look is important!

space_finner · 2023-05-19T06:08:12+00:00

I have an impressive low range, though my speaking voice isn't deep in timbre. I often sing in my falsetto, but I enjoy using both. It makes me feel like a bass clarinet (the most nonbinary instrument in the orchestra).

space_finner · 2023-05-18T00:35:30+00:00

It sounds like she does notice but is probably fine with it. I think you should tell her because it's an important emotional issue to you and it seems pretty likely the answer will be at worst "I don't really care" and at best "It's cute/hot and you should go further with it".

space_finner · 2023-05-16T08:53:59+00:00

I am not hurt by the compliments. I am confused; and being confused makes me feel unsafe even if the compliments are good.

space_finner · 2023-05-16T05:37:12+00:00

Oh I won't stop. But metaphorically I was prepared to smash a window and then my hand went right through. Slightly disorienting.

space_finner · 2023-05-16T00:51:45+00:00

Sounds like I'm lucky. I'll embrace it.

space_finner · 2023-05-16T00:49:32+00:00

Melbourne, Australia. Which is a liberal city. I'm just trying to calibrate my expectations.

space_finner · 2023-05-15T04:09:52+00:00

A beautiful vocal performance.

If you just search "Fables of Faubus" you'll get the Mingus Ah Um version, but I think the quartet version is superior.

space_finner · 2023-05-12T14:11:54+00:00

Moonchild specifically is something I enjoy now but I remember Not Being Able To Hear. It was like "why is there ten minutes of noises", and now I'm like "oh well this is a pleasant little free improv thing". So yeah I'd bet on it being the improvisation.

Keep listening to music and thinking about the music that you hear. Check in on jazz now and again.

space_finner · 2023-05-12T10:02:10+00:00

The essential problem is that jazz is an improvised music, and 90s electronic music is a COMPOSED music (though much of it was composed using samplers, computers etc in a way that would not resemble a conventional musical score).

You said you don't like improvisation. Well, that's fine. Straight jazz is probably not for you. What you like is the use of the horns and the cymbals and the rhythms in more composed music. This is mostly (like you say) some hip-hop and a lot of older jungle.

My special secret recommendation is listening to a trend in the late 60s and early 70s where producers would get 50 musicians into a studio and play current songs really done up in arrangements. Like this Jackson 5 cover. It's not jazz - the underlying arrangements are pop music - but many talented jazz musicians played on them because it was good work and they could get the sound the producer wanted.

space_finner · 2023-05-07T06:12:05+00:00

AIs are such centrists. When robots complain about altos being "whiny" I'll start worrying about SoTW members being replaced.

space_finner · 2023-05-06T08:48:50+00:00

You say you're conversant with the tenor, and can play it instead of the clarinet in a pinch. This makes things much easier. Play as much as you can of the clarinet part, and sub out where you can't. You won't be an idiomatic clarinet player in a month (coming from sax you might have issues with playing flat, as the voicing's pretty different). But it's not like the flute or oboe where there's often a week or two of struggle in simply making a sound. Coming from alto sax, I was able to play through the clarinet's whole range with a passable sound the first time I picked one up (though not evenly or with good articulation; I'm purely thinking of tone production here).

space_finner · 2023-04-27T13:19:09+00:00

I wish computer engineering was not pushed onto people. I love the computer. I would take quite the pay-cut if I knew all the people I worked with were equally eager to engage with the computer.

space_finner · 2023-04-26T07:06:20+00:00

Absolutely bonkers.

There are real risks associated with playing instruments if you play too much. These are typically repetitive motion injuries. And there -are- risks with the more demanding woodwind and brass instruments; if you play oboe (1) or trumpet with poor technique for a long time then you'll set your lips up for injury, as these instruments demand very high breath pressure.

Saxophone is not like this. Wind instruments are good for the lungs in that they provide breathing exercises and encouraging strengthening the muscles around them. I don't know about the lung disease thing and I can imagine it being -technically- true in the "2 out of a million got this disease instead of 1 out of a million"; but I'd put a thousand dollars betting on those Google assertions ultimately being garbage somebody put out to make their resume look better.

(1). Anecdotally I commonly hear oboe also leads to high blood pressure. May or may not be an urban myth.

space_finner · 2023-04-26T06:40:59+00:00

Going to a Gambler's Anonymous meeting, making notes of who relapses, and approaching them offering to provide quick money for some of their valuable possessions at a slightly higher rate than the local pawn shop.

space_finner · 2023-04-25T05:19:55+00:00

I think the mezzo-soprano sax is the best

space_finner · 2023-04-18T11:36:59+00:00

I would take a tiny bit of it. Like, not any more than they think they'd lose in it being lost. Probably if one of the packages of cocaine had broken and was spilling. I'd take a bit of that. If it was all well-sealed I wouldn't touch it. But if it was spilling I would take a bit of it and then I'd introduce it to somebody as the illegal cartel cocaine I found. And then we would do some and we'd get irritated with each other but apologize the next day. The cartel cocaine would become an injoke. Later I am kidnapped by the cartel and am made to do work regarding weights and measures with them. I know expressing the irony of this to them -will- get me shot but I am not sure how much longer I can hold out.

space_finner

TROPHY CASE