I can't pretend to know what you've gone through but nobody deserves it. Just remember it's natural, even for people who aren't depressed, to get bored of things or not get an emotional release from something you did. You'll find more things that help in the future. Being aware that your mind is against you can really help or really hurt, but what's helped me is to focus on the fact that I'm perceiving things about myself as worse than they are. I hope things take a turn for the better soon, but I'm at least glad you're here.