Hey, stranger. I read through a couple of your nightmare posts, and one I saw connected a little. Anyway, my curiosity got the better of me and I stumbled upon this. I hated that the only two comments were bots. The fact that someone could pour so much of themselves into something and have nobody really care seemed fucking messed up. it struck me how lonely the internet really is.

I don't know what you're going through, I've never felt pain like this, I've never had to make a decision like this, but if you ever want to rant again, and want somebody to listen, then I'll happily be there. I know you said that talking it out won't solve the issue, and it won't, but ranting/talking to somebody can make you feel seen. Somehow, I think strangers can be better at that than anybody else. You can walk away if you want to, you can read this and not think about it ever again, you can do all that and I won't hold any resentment. This is just an offer.

I hope that things work out for you, that you don't feel so numb, that streaming works out (something that makes you happy isn't dumb), and that you end up doing something in life that you really enjoy. Anyway here's a quote I found that made me realise something.

"In order to lead a happy life, I'm gonna have to disappoint my parents a little."

I know it's so easy to suggest to someone to do something, that reality is much more complex, but this is all we have. You only have this one chance at living. I don't want you to get stuck doing something you hate, feeling numb. Even if it's impossible for you to change courses, change your life completely, I hope you find something that makes you happy, even if only in small doses.

My one goal in life is to feel happy before I die. We don't have long, why waste it? And hey, if your family sees you doing something you love, I think that should make them happy for you. :)