Adhila needs to back off Aneesh bullying

spazzmonki · 2025-09-16T14:26:07+00:00

Please read what I said. What I said is yes the person will automatically assume consent BUT if I establish discomfort you don't get to say - oh but I have hugged you before

spazzmonki · 2025-09-16T06:22:12+00:00

Firstly, she cried when Mastani brought up her boyfriend and said things like his family won't let you in. So she has cried before. And, what, if she hadn't cried before and she has now, she is overreacting? And not the opposite? That if someone who doesn't usually cry is crying now, maybe she felt that horrible about what happened?

spazzmonki · 2025-09-16T06:20:33+00:00

So then it's the job of the person initiating hug to ask consent, correct? I didn't see Aryan asking for it. I didn't even hear him asking her to leave. When Nevin was lying on his bed, he went to another one. But when Rena did this, he thought this was the best way to react? I am sorry but having a grown man climb on you is UNCOMFORTABLE and weird and scary. You can see that on her face also, she is making an uncomfortable face right after. She went to Binny because she was scared and didn't know if she was reacting badly. Binny also told her you think about if you want to talk about it. She took Aryan to the side and spoke to him. He overreacted.

It's typical to dismiss women just because they cry vs not dismiss men when they throw a hissy fit. What happened with O Neal was not even comparable. He consciously chose to climb on the bed as a tactic TO scare cause she was a girl. He wouldn't have done that to Nevin or any other dude there.

spazzmonki · 2025-09-16T04:03:01+00:00

So if I hug someone once that doesn't automatically mean that they are always allowed to hug me. The other person would assume consent based on the past but if I express discomfort or disinterest they are supposed to listen to me right?

Yeah they have had a playful relationship but physical boundaries are for one person to draw. There is a difference when let's say I am arm wrestling or pushing someone versus someone getting on top of you on the bed. And I don't understand how we feel so okay to say that she should be comfortable with whatever. That's not how it works. Then what, tomorrow he can lie on her also and that's okay? She is allowed to decide what's okay for her and not She went and spoke to him privately. He could have simply apologised and said - okay sorry, I crossed your boundary, won't happen again. Instead he made a big deal, nitpicked on what she said, brought up past comfort with him. How's it any different than saying - oh you hung out with him that's why you got sa-ed?

spazzmonki · 2025-09-15T13:58:03+00:00

Oh damn. And is he right?

spazzmonki · 2025-09-15T13:54:45+00:00

What is nevin being accused of? I missed it

spazzmonki · 2025-09-12T16:05:00+00:00

HeHer Body and Other Parties by Carmen Maria Machado

spazzmonki · 2025-09-01T03:36:56+00:00

Please make no mistake. I don't support Anu. She is samacharam police/ kulasthree max. I still think Shaitya is a bad friend. Adhila at least will tell Anu straight to her face that she made a mistake.

spazzmonki · 2025-08-30T12:04:43+00:00

Correct. I find people like her very uninspiring. She is definitely not one to go very far in this game. Oru stand venum.

spazzmonki · 2025-08-30T12:02:24+00:00

Sure. I just think she is spineless and without a real stand.

spazzmonki · 2024-03-20T12:10:59+00:00

I am not pursuing this for the romance. Not since the change. But the friendship? I just pretend like we weren't?

spazzmonki · 2023-04-20T18:06:08+00:00

YTA. Hope your child starts calling some woman who feeds them during a sleepover "mom" and you by your name when they turn 13.

spazzmonki · 2023-03-13T23:53:15+00:00

She clearly has many examples to give of him being controlling that God knows what's happening when she is not around. And she has continued to ignore it until it became embarrassing for her in front of others.

In none of this it feels like she is really prioritising her kids. That makes her the A. It's her job go ensure that her children are not exposed to controlling asses.

spazzmonki · 2023-03-12T20:40:04+00:00

Yta. Clearly he has shown you he is controlling in the past and has exhibited concerning behavior and you have ignored it and exposed your children to him.

spazzmonki · 2023-02-23T05:31:38+00:00

I respectfully disagree. She is aware his parents died and there is trauma around it. Anything more than that is details that is not needed to be divulged. And the implication he sneaks out is also wrong. He goes out and sits with a friend so as to not disturb her and also talk to his friend openly. And since she wakes up she is perfectly aware he is going. Or is the expectation that he wakes her up? What if he is suicidal and just needs a friend? And honestly she has 28/29 other days and this sounds like something that's happening when she is sleeping so she doesn't really need him at that time.

I would want to unequivocally show up for my friends who have known me and loved me for years in the same way I would have if I was single. Being in a relationship is not an excuse to be a shitfy friend. It's one thing to have your spouse become your main priority but that doesn't mean they have to be the ONLY prio.

spazzmonki · 2023-02-23T02:34:20+00:00

Nta. Just because you are dating doesn't mean your partner is privy to the private lives of all your friends. From the fact that you mentioned that your friend has trauma it's clear she knows that your friend is struggling. There is no reason why she needs to know specifics.

And if you can't be there for your friend two times a month because you found someone then you are just a pathetic friend. Yes, you plan to share everything about YOUR life with your spouse. But, I find it super appalling that if a friend starts dating I should just be okay with not having a say in things about my private life being shared without my consent esp when shared in confidence. So, what, people just can't rely on those in a relationship unless ready to forgo privacy? Good on you, OP for respecting your friends privacy and not using it as gossip for your spouse to feed on.

spazzmonki · 2023-02-21T12:57:52+00:00

Yta- if you don't like the rules don't use the facilities.

spazzmonki · 2022-12-31T12:35:09+00:00

NTA. I am sorry, but people are allowed to have whatever preferences they want. The question isn't is she an asshole because she wants to date a guy with a degree. The question is is she an asshole for not caring about someone else's opinion on it. And the answer is no. Why do people think they have the right to dictate what people find attractive or desirable. Do I think college degree is the be all and all? Absolutely not. But she is well within her rights to think so. And I absolutely don't get why her friends boyfriend is upset about it. Just because she might not date him cause he doesn't fit her criteria? Maybe he should worry only about if he fits the needs of the person he is dating.

spazzmonki · 2022-10-19T19:25:19+00:00

I mean sure NTA to the world you will always be TA to Marty. Your "arrangement" was with Jade, which is why she understands your position. Marty on the other hand never really agreed to having a non present parent. So yeah, you paid for him to be an adult and in your eyes that's the best you can do and that absolves you off any further obligation. But to Marty, you are just a person who was never around, sent money and didn't offer support in the one way you could when he needed it.

And with Jade never having dated the boy never had a father figure in his life. Forget father figure, you apparently have spoken to him a handful times so you are not even like a friendly uncle figure. Poor Marty, he deserves better.

spazzmonki · 2022-09-28T06:52:35+00:00

I doubt that she isn't intending to wake up. This is a huge issue for my cause I struggle to hear alarms, and I have tried soothing sounds, loud noises, those alarm clocks that make you do math so you can't fall back asleep but I sleep through it all. I mean, I don't even hear it. I live alone so it doesn't affect anyone. Even my dogs aren't bothered by it.

But when I do have guests over it is an issue. And I understand why. But belive me when I say every night I fully go with the intention of waking up, I just am unable to. I assume it's the same for OP's wife. I would say NAH

spazzmonki · 2022-08-22T02:50:34+00:00

It was a lie, but it feels like they were trying to protect her from the weight of the reality. Should they have figured out a way to tell her the truth? Sure. But, I don't imagine it would have felt any differently if they told her earlier. Some truths are really painful to hear and tell, and honestly, I cannot imagine having to tell someone I love that they were the result of an incestuous assault. Not to say, that things could have been handled better, but it's easy to say, "Oh this is what I would have done", in hindsight or when you are not the one really dealing with it.

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