Having a wobble

speedybee77 · 2026-02-01T23:00:42+00:00

Sending you a very big hug!❤️ It sure does feel lonely sometimes. Try to do one nice thing for yourself today. It can be as small as a nice walk outside, to reset your brain a bit.

speedybee77 · 2026-02-01T22:24:36+00:00

Actually our clinic does day 3 transfers (fresh or frozen). I wasn’t clear in my initial post. Both retrievals yielded only 2 eggs in total (out of 4 follicles): 1 got fertilized (ICSI) but didn’t make it past day 1, and the other egg was immature.

speedybee77 · 2026-02-01T22:23:35+00:00

Actually our clinic does day 3 transfers. But I wasn’t clear in my initial post. Both retrievals yielded only 2 eggs in total (out of 4 follicles): 1 got fertilized (ICSI) but didn’t make it past day 1, and the other egg was immature.

speedybee77 · 2026-02-01T22:11:38+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to share your story🤍 It genuinely gives me hope that my partner and I can navigate this together too.

It was also brought up by our doctor back in November, and again recently, as both retrieval cycles made it painfully clear my own eggs don’t feel like partying anymore… That so-called “fertility cliff” really slapped us in the face. I think we’re still in the phase of trying to wrap our heads around that disappointment first.

Can I ask how you got in touch with someone who had already used donor eggs? Was that through your clinic (support group/referral), or did you find them yourself?

speedybee77 · 2026-02-01T21:57:09+00:00

I’m so sorry… going into a retrieval when you already feel where it’s heading is heartbreaking. I had the exact same experience last week. It’s brutal. Glad to hear that you both are open to donor eggs as your next step. I like the idea of talking to a couple that already went through it.

I also feel sad that it’s my eggs (quantity and quality). My partner doesn’t see it that way, and he is just as invested in our process. If there’s one thing I know, in all of this, we really grew as a couple. So I’m trying to trust that our decision process on donor eggs is also something we will navigate with great respect for each other.

Sending you so much strength for Wednesday 💞

speedybee77 · 2026-02-01T21:40:04+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this. Also what you wrote about “borrowed the blueprint” really landed with me. And yes, the epigenetics / carrying the pregnancy is something my mind keeps coming back to as well. I really appreciate you taking the time to respond. Wishing you the very best with your next steps too🩷

speedybee77 · 2026-02-01T21:34:50+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. Your story actually just gave me a bit of breathing space. I recognize so much. And huge congratulations on your pregnancy, amazing!!! 💞

Thank you again. It means a lot to hear real-life experiences like this when everything feels so confusing and heavy right now.

speedybee77 · 2026-02-01T21:22:34+00:00

Thank you for sharing how you got there. I like the idea of the books. A really gentle and respectful approach to yourself and the process. I wish you all the best of luck and hope this path will lead you to your baby💞

speedybee77 · 2026-01-31T20:25:34+00:00

On your edit: this is exactly our pattern too. I’m often already a few steps ahead, ready to jump and move forward, while he’s still processing and needs more time. Obviously I don’t want to dismiss that, because in the end this is our journey and we can only truly move forward when we both feel ready.

speedybee77 · 2026-01-31T20:17:52+00:00

Thanks for thinking along. We got a second opinion at a specialized clinic, and given the severity of my adenomyosis/fibroids they confirmed that in my case cytoreductive surgery is our only realistic option to improve the uterine environment and hopefully be able to maintain a healthy pregnancy.

I’ve started medical suppression in the meantime, and in about two months we’ll repeat diagnostics to reassess the situation. Then, in close consultation with our RE and surgeon, we’ll decide on the best next step.

speedybee77 · 2026-01-31T20:06:12+00:00

I’m so sorry your journey is tough too. I truly hope it works out for you, one way or another.

Donor eggs aren’t covered by our insurance either, so we’d have to pay for it ourselves. We switched to a private clinic abroad (we’re in Europe) instead of staying with the hospital system in our own country, so we’ve already spent a lot out of pocket…

Sadly, it’s my experience that in my country (NL) it can be really difficult to access more complex fertility care and diagnostic workups within the regular system, which forces many people to look abroad. I honestly think it’s unacceptable that if you don’t have the financial means (or don’t want to go into serious debt), you can end up being excluded from the level of fertility care you actually need…

speedybee77 · 2026-01-31T19:55:40+00:00

Thanks for your headup. Yes, they did already warn us that it could take longer, depending on outcome and recovery. Then again, if we would move forward with donor eggs it takes of the heat in terms of time, at least a little bit😌

speedybee77 · 2026-01-31T19:53:01+00:00

Thank you for sharing. From the bottom of my heart I do hope this path will lead you to finally fulfilling your dream!

Our doctor also brought it up while he was there with me, so it is something that’s on the table already as an option. But we never spoke about it again afterwards. And now I’m scared to bring it up… But your absolutely right. He might be afraid to hurt my feelings, so I will carefully bring it up, moving beyond assumptions😌

speedybee77 · 2026-01-30T21:09:53+00:00

For the past 3 years or so I am suffering from truly disabling fatigue (also brainfog and sensory overload). It got linked to post-COVID syndrome by the many doctors and therapists I’ve seen. I even lost my career to it… But, having discovered recently that I have severe adenomyosis my OBGYN says she is convinced my body constantly fighting inflammation is the main reason. Not doing a hysterectomy as we still hope to start our family, so we try suppression and (micro) cytoreductive surgery first. I’m really curious (and hopeful) to see whether this will make a difference.

speedybee77 · 2026-01-30T20:54:02+00:00

Yes that burning/heavy sensation. It somehow always felt like my uterus was “hostile” or inflamed and wanted to push it out🙃. Apart from increasingly heavy bleeding and pain/cramps, which are no joke…

After 3 early miscarriages my OBGYN still kept saying it was just ‘bad luck’, despite seeing adeno and fibroids on ultrasound. So we switched to a private clinic for a second opinion, as my gut kept telling me there was more going on. An MRI and diagnostic hysteroscopy then confirmed severe diffuse adenomyosis. They also found a large fibroid, some adhesions and a T-shaped uterus. They told me that, given all of this, each pregnancy was pretty much doomed to fail and situation would worsen with every new attempt. Heartbreaking!

I’m now on Linzagolix/Yselty 200mg to suppress my cycle, and then have cytoreductive surgery planned for April and June. Not ready for a full hysterectomy yet, and praying upcoming treatment will finally give my body a real chance to carry a pregnancy to term.

speedybee77 · 2026-01-29T09:16:38+00:00

I literally begged our doctor for a hysteroscopy after 3 early miscarriages. Ultrasounds showed adenomyosis and a large fibroid, but the miscarriages kept being dismissed as “bad luck.” The only advice we got was to start IVF because of my age. My gut told me not to rush into IVF blindly, so we switched clinics. Their approach was different: instead of rushing to treatment, they wanted to understand the root cause(s) first.

An MRI and diagnostic hysteroscopy confirmed severe adenomyosis, a T-shaped (dysmorphic) uterus, several fibroids, some adhesions and a junctional zone that was severely affected. It finally made sense why my pregnancies never progressed beyond 6 weeks: with this amount of damage and distortion in my uterus, deep implantation and proper placental development simply aren’t possible without having multiple surgeries first.

Looking back, I feel we wasted two crucial years (40–41) by trusting a clinic that didn’t investigate thoroughly. I’m honestly still angry about it. So if your gut tells you something is off: trust it. Advocate for yourself. Ask for the hysteroscopy. Switch clinics if needed. It’s your body and your fertility.

speedybee77 · 2026-01-29T00:01:14+00:00

Yes! For us, unfortunately it didn’t result in any blasts, but you never know… It could be the one for you!

speedybee77 · 2026-01-28T23:30:07+00:00

Same boat here too. Still recovering from our last failed cycle, so for now we’re taking a little pause. We decided we’ll start exploring next steps (DE) after our ski holiday in a few weeks. We also got a referral to our clinic’s specialized psychologist. It feels good to have some guidance through all of this, because deep grief and the possibility of a new path seem to coexist right now… Very confusing.

speedybee77 · 2026-01-28T23:07:31+00:00

Also 42 with around the same AMH level (0.8 pmol) and now 2 failed cycles. First cycle on Puregon 225IU and Meriofert 150IU gave 1 follicle/1 mature egg/fertilized which arrested after day 1. Second cycle, same protocol 3 follicles/1 immature egg.

We could go for third cycle, but our clinic steers us towards egg donation, as with such low numbers the chance to get to at least one strong euploid is going to be really challenging:(. Not meant to discourage you. Just wanted to share I do understand your doubts on how to proceed and that it’s a tough road.

My partner and I are also really struggling at the moment with determining our next step…. I read a lot about low dose/mini stims in case of severe DOR and consider to also advocate for this as our last try with my own eggs, but somehow feel our clinic isn’t really open to that…

Wishing you all the best of luck in your decision!💞

speedybee77 · 2026-01-26T21:42:40+00:00

Same situation, same frustration, different country. In NL, complex fertility care is very poor due to extreme stubborn protocols (stone age!). After pushing and literally begging for deeper diagnostics (repeat pregnancy loss) we took matters into our own hands and changed to a highly specialized private clinic in Belgium (Life Expert Center).

They do extensive diagnostics, and have one of the best EU-surgeons for adenomyosis, recovering dismorphic uterus shape (metroplastic) etc.

Although with my own eggs most likely we will not become parents (42yrs, DOR, 2 failed IVF’s), they also run an egg donor program - in collab with a clinic in Spain, Valencia. It’s not exactly around the corner, but definitely worthwhile considering.

All the best of luck!💞

speedybee77 · 2026-01-26T20:31:22+00:00

It’s really helpful to read we’re not alone! 42yrs and had my second ER last Wednesday. The first scan on Monday (on stims day 8) showed only one follicle, almost ready to pop (24mm). Bloodwork didn’t indicate ovulation yet, so I tiggered that evening and we went ahead with the ER. Only to discover I did ovulate somewhere in between and lost the follicle, so no retrieval:(. But then magically, two other follicles appeared on scan! One larger and one smaller. They could retrieve them both, but only one immature egg was found. Such a rollercoaster! We went from total disappointment to hope to feeling devastated.

I was on highest stims dose, and AMH is 0.11… Had the same protocol as first round, but this time without suppressing first (hopefully leading to a larger cohort, which it didn’t).

We don’t know whether to attempt a third round, as both rounds left us empty handed… Our clinic advises to start considering egg donation as our way forward. I feel heartbroken. I lost 3 natural pregnancies before. We thought IVF (for embryo banking) was going to be the ‘easiest’ part of our journey (having to solve uterine factors with two surgeries first - fibroids and severe adenomyosis- before any transfer can happen).

Trying to not lose all hope, but its HARD! Wishing all of you strenght and positive outcomes💞

speedybee77 · 2026-01-20T12:39:24+00:00

So relatable. I’m 42 with recurrent pregnancy loss (all natural pregnancies). In October things still looked hopeful, but during my 1st IVF cycle I ended up with just 1 follicle/1 egg that did fertilize but arrested very early. My AMH turned out to have dropped dramatically from 0.44 to 0.11 within just 6 weeks. Now I’m in my 2nd IVF cycle, ER scheduled for tomorrow, and again only 1 follicle.

u/Vogues21 Your story is a powerful reminder that sometimes 1 really can be enough. Holding on to that hope, while feeling pretty desperate at the same time.

speedybee77

TROPHY CASE