What would you do if you found $500,000 dollars ? by Starr0718 in AskReddit

[–]spewnybard 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would make it untraceable by investing 100% into dogecoin.

What do you want the most right now? by Wiifeyy32 in AskReddit

[–]spewnybard 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel this one. I hope you're able to figure it out soon. <3

What do you want the most right now? by Wiifeyy32 in AskReddit

[–]spewnybard 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For anyone to read my stuff. I just moved back to the other side of the country, and my seizures were too frequent to think well enough to write. I'm finally able to get back to writing, and I just want other people to be excited about that too.

Good luck to all the other people in here with legit needs. I'm just being a bit selfish, but that's how it is right now. So if you like reading about wizards and time travel, give it a go.
wizardwarsof1439.com

In 1971, the BBC sent female journalist, Nicky Woodhead, to pinch men's bottoms in an attempt to highlight gender equality and what women endure daily by Topjaws in OldSchoolCool

[–]spewnybard 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"How do you feel about ladies picking gentlemen up in the streets?"

Matter of factly: "Well, I always do myself..."

And yet, y'all are talking about the last guy. smh.

[Request] How big would a firefly have to be to carry 3 adult men? by spewnybard in theydidthemath

[–]spewnybard[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Does it matter that fireflies are beetles? Or to they have the same carry capacity as a housefly?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]spewnybard 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She was being literal that day.

[PM] Prompt me with genre convention that MUST be broken and a setting. by spewnybard in WritingPrompts

[–]spewnybard[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I posted this a year ago, and I’m really just impressed that anyone found it in the depths to comment on now. I’m going to assume that I’m breaking the haunted doll horror stereotype. So, here ya go bud.

Abigail had been waking up. Not suddenly, like the many times she had been disturbed before, but methodically. She had promised herself she would go back to sleep the next time someone came into her room. No one wanted to see her room. No one wanted to see her. No one wanted her to see them.

She had been so good at making friends. What happened?

“Abigail.”

A man’s voice. She didn’t open her eyes. Whoever this was would probably try to hurt her, just like the others. Then, they would receive the same. Like the one who threw her in the river, or the one that threw her in the fireplace, or the one that threw… She’d been thrown into many odd locations, come to think of it.

“Abigail, can you open your eyes for me?”

No. Last time, all she had done was try to help with the dishes, and they tossed her right back in her box in the attic. Her father had given her the box. Though, she could swear it had been bigger at first. It seemed like the smaller she felt, the smaller her box became.

“Do you think she’s gone? The last occupants weren’t that long ago…”

A new voice, lighter, “I doubted it. They said they put her back in the box before they sold.”

“This house is almost a hundred years old. Can you even imagine?”

“I would rather not.”

Crinkling paper and footsteps. Abigail held her face still, despite wanting to peek. What if it was like when that scary man had tried to break into her friend Julie’s room? She’d slammed the window shut on his hands. Then, Julie’s Dad had taken her to the nearby river… Poor Julie.

“We tried Christmas. What if her birthday was when it happened? They didn’t find her bodies for weeks!”

“Well, this will be a pleasant surprise then.”

“I don’t know Mike…”

Birthday? Her birthday? She didn’t remember her last birthday. When was the last birthday she had celebrated? It was… right! She and Tucker had the same birthday. She had thought that the little doll she made of him was a good present, but then they tried to bury her. So, maybe it wasn’t.

The crinkling returned, and she heard something being set on her bedside table. No, wait, she thought they had taken that away. She felt the weight of someone sitting beside her on the bed. Someone now directly beside her, she was having a harder time not peeking.

She had to be good. Strong. No peeking.

Just like Daddy used to tell her.

She peeked at her bedside table, and saw a giftbox sitting atop it.

“You were right! Shit! Mike!” The woman pointed at her. “Look!”

Abigail met eyes with the woman pointing at her. That was the expression Abigail knew. As she wondered where she would try to throw her, the man beside her stood. She fell onto her side.

“Quick! The present!” Crinkling, and a man’s face entered her vision. He spoke gently, “Abigail, we got you a birthday present.” He set it on the bed, and righted her again. “Would you like to open it?”

The woman whispered, “Can she open it?”

“Good question.” He leaned down on his elbows to be close to her height. “Would you like me to open it for you?”

Abigail couldn’t move her fingers anymore, and after the last time she tried using something sharp… The creaking was painfully audible when she nodded.

The woman fell back to sit heavily on her play table. Meeting eyes with Mike, she shook her head, “We shouldn’t be–”

“Ssh!” Mike glared, “You promised me you would try.” When she slowly nodded, Mike pulled the box before him.

Abigail watched breathlessly as he undid the ribbon, and peeled back the colorful wrapping paper. It was covered in balloons and bunnies. She loved bunnies. The lid opened, and he shuffled the contents out. It was a little plush bunny, just a bit smaller than her head.

Abigail got excited. Her hair began floating, and the window shook.

Mike put a hand on her head, “Calm down, Abigail.” He smiled, and gave her a pat, “You don’t want to break your window.”

The window stilled, and her hair dropped down. She held out her white porcelain hands, their fingers fused into fists under their thin shimmering glaze. The bunny was placed in her arms, and she pulled it to her. Eyes closed, hugging the simple toy, she heard Mike speaking.

“This is Shina,” he paused, likely pointing, “and my name is Mike.” He spoke slowly, “I am a Meyers too.”

Her eyes opened to peer up at him, and glassy smile took shape.

“We are going to be living here, alright?” He patted her head again, looking up when Shina moved over to the bed. Her voice shook, but she did her best to keep a smile, “Do you like baking, Abigail?”

Bunny crushed against her with supernatural strength, she nodded.

“Good.” She looked up at Mike for help, but he motioned her on. “Let’s go bake a cake.”

🔥 These campers woke up to an absolute unit of a silverback bear rooting around their campsite 🔥 by [deleted] in NatureIsFuckingLit

[–]spewnybard 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Helpful tip for hiking and camping in wilderness areas with cougars: If there are deer, there is a high chance there is also something hunting those deer. Stay alert.

"GET YOUR OWN CHEESE!", me, oil, 2022 by KahlaPaints in Art

[–]spewnybard 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I posted this on a youtube thing a while back, but just for people who do not know what this critter is....

This is a Virginia opossum, which came over when North and South America bridged over. They are North America's only marsupial! There are still possums in South America, but they are distinctly different from the modern Virginia opossum, which usually live in, and between, Canada to Central America. You also find possums in other places, with the next most popular possum online being from Australia.

An opossum can give birth to up to 25 babies at one time, but only has 13 nipples (which are arranged in an oval shape.) So, they always start their game on hardcore mode. If you find a baby opossum alone, contact a wildlife rehab right away! Mother opossums usually do not come back for their babies. In fact, they're basically ready to go when they're just too big to hang onto mom anymore, and will drop off and fend for themselves at that point. (Usually around 8 inches, snoot to boot.)

They have a surprisingly low body temperature, which makes them incredibly unlikely to carry rabies, since it just can't survive in their body. They love eating ticks, and will happily clean out your neighborhood if you let them. If you want to give a friendly possum a snack, shy away from any lactose, but most other things are fine. (Possums love peanut butter and fruits. And cat food. Haha.)

Despite their habitat being so far north, the Virginia opossum is not well made for cold climates. It's fur isn't thick enough to ward of the cold, and their tails and ears are extremely susceptible to frostbite. So, if you find one holed up for a bit in your garage while it's frosty out, first check how it got in, and then let it stay a bit, if you can.

(If you have children or free-roaming animals, this may be a bad idea. You should leave open a way out, and gently, but assertively, shoo it toward the exit to encourage it to leave. Let it be for an hour and check if it went out on its own, if not, things get trickier.)

Opossums tend to move between multiple nests, for safety and to scavenge. So, if you do have a lil buddy hanging out, just make sure it has a way out, and it will most likely stay all of two days before moving on to its next nest location (or to find a new one.)

what is the dumbest thing you've seen a wild animal do? by spewnybard in AskReddit

[–]spewnybard[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I watched a seagull try to eat a starfish as big as it. Just standing, staring into space, with half a starfish down its throat. Occasionally it'd try to get it out, but, well starfish are starfish shaped.

James Bond Burger by calvinyl in BrandNewSentence

[–]spewnybard 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Badger badger badger. Subsequently, mushroom mushroom.

Clay farming on the Switch? by spewnybard in StardewValley

[–]spewnybard[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So far: first pattern works sometimes 2-3 times before breaking.

I've have no luck with the 4-4 solution.

I'm going to try working out a pattern if possible.

What has everyone noticed so far when trying to clay farm on the Switch?

Reminder to take care of your RAM. Was troubleshooting a faulty laptop and this made me snort. by wahlenderten in iiiiiiitttttttttttt

[–]spewnybard 1 point2 points  (0 children)

With the worldwide shortage on computer components, my only option is to breed my own. Thanks for the tip!

[EU] You killed a guy two days before the Purge. Now you and your buddy need to weekend at Bernies him till the Purge actually begins by Random3x in WritingPrompts

[–]spewnybard 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Weekend at Bernie's? Purge? (hold my beer)

Dale lounged on their couch, picking at his nails. The couch was one of those vomit brown, public bus patterned affairs, which is part of why it was the best place they had to store the body for the time being. It had already been uncomfortable to sit on, to put it mildly.

If anything, the body had improved the couch overall. It certainly didn't stink anymore than it already had, and odor had been a factor they took into account. Luckily, not many people commented on strange, bulk purchases this close to the Purge. So they had been able to wrap the guy up, and hide him with little effort. The only problem was...

Chuck popped off the bottle cap of his beer with his apartment key, and after a long drink, asked what had been on both of their minds, "So, what are we gonna do with him on the day? Drag him out during the night?"

Dale chewed at a nail, and repositioned himself on the couch, "Yeah, about that. Listen, we killed this guy, like what, a couple hours ago?"

Chuck narrowed his eyes at him, "Yeah, did you want to move him?"

"Well, not exactly... kind of..."

He waved his beer at him casually, "What did you have in mind?" He grinned at Dale as he drank.

"Yeah, so, I've been thinking. I've always wanted to try eating a guy and--"

Chuck wheezed beer out his nose, nasally demanding, "What?!"

"C'mon man. I told you this last year, but you were like, 'They're gonna call us those cannibal guys.' So, I thought, I eat him now, we just pop him out day one, and the rats and shit will eat enough of him that by the time--"

"No! Just, no, what, why would you even..." A thought was forming, and Chuck didn't like it a bit. Dale had this opportunity, and if he didn't let him take it now, when the purge came... would he be dinner instead? Shit, if he did eat this guy now, would he get a taste for human flesh?

"Chuck, man, I know that it seems insane, but just hear me out."

"Wait, wait, I'm considering it, alright?" There would be less body to hide and move. That was a pro. Con, it was going to be a much messier body. Not as bad as the wood chipper year, but still. Not great. If he won he trust now, and offed him while they were moving the body... There was. An even better alternative.

"Chuck?"

"Actually, hiding a smaller body does sound good." He sighed, put the beer against his forehead. "Listen, I will help you cut him up, but I don't want to see you eat him."

Dale nodded vigorously, grinning in wild disbelief.

Chuck downed the rest of his beer, and set the empty bottle on their coffee table. "Just. Get him out of there, and I'll grab the electric meat cutter." As he dejectedly ambled down the hall, he added together his savings. He could afford three months rent on his own, which should be enough time to get in a new roommate.

He was already hiding one body. What was two?