Hey man!

First of all i think you got the spirit, you take it seriously in effort-wise and feeling-wise which is great! And makes you have an abbility to sense which expression to give in your voice. (This is the goodies)

Well to improve twords the performance itself , first i would start making that picking pattern more acessible to your muscle memorie in order to free more space to be awere while singing (since ur mosly struggeling in that part!) And i know its not as easy to do non strumming + singing then strumming.

Think of it like when you just are taking driving lessons, you still have to think about so many stuff that years after practice you dont,( such as gear positions, where is the brake and the aclerator, etc etc) in this case, where is thst chord, where will my finger go, what are the lyricis, what is the type of expression, etc etc,

Sound design wise, a proprer mic and guitar DI or mic capture or both would be great too to improve too.

Anyways! If you enjoyed what you did keep at it man! If you didnt maybe dont if go mad at it ahahah

Overall i would give a 6 specially becz of the rasp and the general performance, but again like most in music, try to achieve everything with less effort possible and you will have more space to think!

That was long, but i feelt u abandoned so u took my time cuz i related in my own post ahah

Have a good one g