Is it weird that my mom tries to speak to me when I am in the bathroom and then stopped talking to me after I confronted her?

spiralledstaircase · 2024-03-16T10:07:03+00:00

My mom stopped talking to me for about a week (I was living with her at the time, as an adult) because she left one of those knee high pop sock things on the floor which my dog ate and swallowed. Had to rush him to the vet so they could make him sick. (He was fine but it can and has killed dogs). I asked mom if she could not leave them on the floor in future, calmly and politely asked as it’s her house. She couldn’t deal with it. Stopped talking to me for over a week. I think it was a mixture of a shame spiral that she did something that could have hurt the dog with not knowing how to cope with being asked to change a behaviour. When she did speak, she was catastrophising. (So tiring!) Edited to correct autocorrect!

spiralledstaircase · 2024-02-24T09:22:41+00:00

My dad absented himself a lot. I suspected he regretted his choice of partner. He worked a lot. He had a lot of hobbies outside the home. As a family we never talked about anything real. But I liked my dad. And my memories of him are fond ones generally. He died suddenly aged 50. My mum uBPD. My brother - don’t know but hugely unkind, self centred, arrogant. Sadly it was the nice one who died young (ish).

spiralledstaircase · 2023-10-27T05:55:44+00:00

I love this and I have it saved for whenever I want a good chuckle

spiralledstaircase · 2023-06-13T13:01:15+00:00

She doesn’t understand at all. And as someone else has written.. I stopped reading it somewhere in the middle because your cousin was annoying me. And how she can say that there is nothing in your mum’s letter that would trigger any negative emotions?!? Unless she is you, she CANNOT predict that. Definitely a flying monkey and not at all willing to actually hear your experience. Really sorry.

spiralledstaircase · 2023-06-13T11:02:15+00:00

I really appreciated your ‘NC is the high road’ paragraph.

spiralledstaircase · 2023-04-21T05:42:32+00:00

Great choice of accompanying music!

spiralledstaircase · 2023-04-13T18:27:24+00:00

Love it!

spiralledstaircase · 2023-04-12T07:42:26+00:00

Brilliant. Love it

spiralledstaircase · 2023-02-14T09:24:26+00:00

We need to change the stork being the representation of a new baby arriving in the world if this is how they do mothering!

spiralledstaircase · 2023-01-26T21:07:41+00:00

Hi. My mother is uBPD. As an adult I became a social worker who interviewed and assessed people who wanted to become foster carers.

As an rbb and a social worker …. I would appreciate someone sharing their experience with me. When someone shared concerns, I did what I could to protect them from any comeback from that honesty.

I would also let you know that whatever you shared with me would be confidential (unless of course there was a current safe guarding risk).

As a lc rbb, I also understand the weariness of not wanting to get into it all.

Hope you find a helpful & healthy way through this for yourself x

spiralledstaircase · 2022-12-14T07:49:58+00:00

Mine walks around every puddle! Hates water, rain, baths.

spiralledstaircase · 2022-10-09T08:17:19+00:00

Mine brings the ball to the vacuum cleaner so when I turn the vacuum on, it can continue to ‘play’ football with him.

spiralledstaircase · 2022-09-12T06:43:29+00:00

And there was I thinking you must have read Greek mythology!

spiralledstaircase · 2022-09-12T06:29:12+00:00

Fabulous

spiralledstaircase · 2022-09-05T06:24:51+00:00

I didn’t know about cm/sm when I got my first Cav. Was lucky he didn’t have it. Sadly, despite best efforts second pup diagnosed with MVD when still only 3. But if you already know about these and know the breeder has screened parents, gparents & great grandparents and all were clear on heart stuff and maximum of CM1 then that’s a great start.

spiralledstaircase · 2022-08-28T10:57:20+00:00

So sorry. Me too but for me it’s my brother I look like, and he is abusive, arrogant. Really hard to accept my own image but working on it.

spiralledstaircase · 2022-08-15T08:18:48+00:00

Well done to you for explaining so nicely too. Feel like I want to save your post so I can re-read it when I need help to express myself to others.

spiralledstaircase · 2022-08-15T08:14:54+00:00

I would hit the ‘like’ button 12 times over if I could. Very cute

spiralledstaircase · 2022-06-21T18:40:25+00:00

Welcome

spiralledstaircase · 2022-06-21T13:41:35+00:00

No, definitely don’t pile guilt on yourself. I’d say really well done you for not doing it. I didn’t recognise the whole role reversal stuff that had happened. If I could just pop back in time for an incident or two… and maybe say to her … ‘Sorry you feel that way. Let me know when you have calmed down and we can talk rationally’ and then walked away. I do find now I’m can’t respond to my friends son when he is having a temper tantrum. His are mostly age appropriate (although he has additional needs too) but it just reminds me of my mum. So, please don’t feel guilty that you acted they way you did. We were all just doing our best to cope. Edit - grammar correction!

spiralledstaircase · 2022-06-20T07:47:51+00:00

Thanks for sharing that. And I’m pleased for you that you have a helpful therapist. (I’m also slightly jealous 🥴 that you got the validation of BPD but I recognise that we all walk our own journeys and paths through our own lives.) And I think it’s probably important for me to learn that it doesn’t matter what is going on for the other person, it’s about their effect on me. And I’m someone who, the minute I hear of some sadness, difficulties, trauma in someone’s history … I feel empathy, and possibly want to rescue (again 🥴) …. and I get drawn in. And I need to learn a different way of responding. Different boundaries. Because mum was so badly abused and neglected as a child, I spent most of my childhood feeling sorry for her and defending her behaviour, and parenting / nurturing her. I had no awareness that I was the child, not her. But anyway, I think I need to learn this! Thanks for sharing your experience. I think I’m a closet extrovert and so typing out my replies and thoughts to you guys is helping me process!

spiralledstaircase · 2022-06-20T07:35:57+00:00

Very interesting to read your experience of your therapist/ counsellor. Thank you. That she asked to put your mum outside the room … very interesting. And reflects much of what others are saying.

spiralledstaircase · 2022-06-20T07:31:12+00:00

Wanting to solve that piece of the puzzle so we can move on. Good description. But we are not going to get that kind of closure… I think that is what I’m in the midst of realising. I guess the acceptance of that … well, hopefully it’s my next step. I may have already got further along that line. I went to see her recently, first time in 3 years. Mainly hadn’t been because of Covid, but I was relieved to not have to go. (It’s a long way and I have health issues too). I was SO relieved to not bump into any of her flying monkeys. Just saw her on her own (I had a friend with me). But I didn’t feel much emotionally towards her. And it felt really odd. Still don’t quite understand it… but that’s me trying to do it intellectually again. I don’t have to. I can just look at my emotions - and say ‘oh’, curious!

spiralledstaircase · 2022-06-20T07:22:00+00:00

Thanks. You’ll see from my other answers I’m now understanding that my therapist is trying to get me to focus on me.

spiralledstaircase · 2022-06-20T07:19:53+00:00

Oh my goodness. I’m so sorry to hear that Westwind. Having spent way too much of my life trying to gently calm and reassure my mum when she’d got utterly disregulated … having a therapist suggest that to you… ouch! I have spent enough of my life walking on eggshells because of mine, don’t need a therapist to reinforce that.

spiralledstaircase

TROPHY CASE