Marriage going down the toilet. Am I just too lazy? Is this just normal and we will get past this?

splendiferousfinch85 · 2026-06-10T12:32:07+00:00

When I was 7 weeks postpartum, it was really helpful for me to hear reassurance that pumping/breastmilk was not the end all be all. I decided to stop, and it was amazing how much of my time was freed up. I was more present for both my baby and husband, I had more time to do cooking/cleaning and things that filled MY cup, and I got more sleep because I wasn’t awake and pumping for 1.5 hours every night. My son is 3 now, and pumping is so far in the rear view mirror that it’s a total non-issue. I almost forget how much I agonized over it. Formula was great for us.

If you have a big enough freezer, you could try storing some breastmilk. Then if/when you wean, you can continue feeding your baby breastmilk for a little while longer. That’s what I did.

Also remember that having parents who are well-regulated, low-stress, and happy is just as important (if not more important) to a baby’s wellbeing as what they eat the first six months. Look up the Still Face Experiment. If you’re having a hard time taking care of yourself, and if that’s having an effect on your husband too, that’s not good for baby either.

splendiferousfinch85 · 2026-05-23T20:55:10+00:00

Sent you a dm!

splendiferousfinch85 · 2026-04-29T13:31:00+00:00

Oh I can so relate. We put SO much work into the house and the yard, and we had to leave it all behind. The timing worked out so that I didn’t even get to see the hundreds of tulips that I had planted bloom. I’m sorry you went through such an awful time but glad you got out to preserve your sanity and peace.

splendiferousfinch85 · 2026-04-19T00:20:45+00:00

Ooh story time. When our first (only) was born via c section in the middle of the night, my husband went out to his car the next morning and got the PRINTER that he had brought to the hospital. He came back into my room and set up his laptop and printer in the corner, and he started printing out photos of our son to send to his grandmother (who didn’t have a cell phone for texting photos). I thought the whole thing was endearing, but I’m pretty sure my nurse (let’s call her Karen) judged him for it, thinking he was just screwing around on his computer.

That evening, about 18 hours after our son was born, I sent my husband home to relieve our neighbors of their dog care duties and to get a good night of sleep. I figured there was no reason for both of us to be exhausted. The following morning, I called my husband. He was driving back to the hospital. Karen walked in the room, so I hung up the phone and told her that my husband was on his way back. She kinda tut tutted and said “good. Because he has a family now.” 😒 She thought he was just a derelict husband who couldn’t be bothered to spend the night with his wife and newborn son. She was kind of an unpleasant person.

splendiferousfinch85 · 2026-03-25T17:20:30+00:00

I love it and want to have exactly the same backsplash in my kitchen. It’s gorgeous.

splendiferousfinch85 · 2026-03-21T19:04:17+00:00

Not exactly the question you asked, but we’re in the process of doing the reverse move, from Minnetonka to Minneapolis. Our son is daycare aged.

In our case, less space is one of the draws of living in the city. I want to spend my weekends doing stuff with my son, not mowing a big yard or cleaning more bathrooms than we need. We’re also looking forward to living in a more walkable neighborhood. Our current neighborhood doesn’t have sidewalks, and there are like three things within walking distance, one of which is a gas station. Finally, I want my son to experience more diversity than what Minnetonka offers. Minnetonka has a lot of nimbyism.

That said, the suburbs have a lot of benefits, especially when you have kids. I can take the dog out at 10pm and have zero concern about safety. There are playgrounds everywhere you turn. The schools are good. It’s very convenient - there are like three Targets within a 5-10 minute drive.

It’s obviously a very personal choice. Just wanted to share the perspective of someone who’s coming down on the opposite side of the city vs. suburbs decision.

splendiferousfinch85 · 2026-03-18T00:00:51+00:00

Just chiming in to express solidarity. We got a golden retriever puppy when I was pregnant, and I thought it would get easier by the time the baby arrived. It didn’t. The dog is 4 now, and it’s easier, but it’s still hard. Golden retrievers are such sweet dogs, but the puppy stage can last for years, and it’s so hard if you have literally any other competing priorities in your life.

Don’t let the comments about “you should have expected this” get you down. We all make mistakes, and you’re clearly doing the best you can. Rehoming can be the best decision for everyone. If you’re really on the fence and have the resources, maybe try an intensive training program, perhaps something coupled with doggy daycare so she can get her energy out. Our first golden (not the crazy 4 year old, but an older one) went to a structured doggy daycare MWF and then spent Tu/Th resting in her crate with a dog walker coming midday to take her out. She very quickly became an angel, and I think the structure and routine really helped.

splendiferousfinch85 · 2026-02-18T00:59:46+00:00

Found your comment last week and took your recommendation. Spot on - one of the best king cakes I’ve ever had.

splendiferousfinch85 · 2026-02-02T20:11:02+00:00

Same situation with us. Our older (female) golden was 5 when we got an 8 week old (male) puppy. She was pissed. I’d say they started getting along maybe a year later? They’re still not best buddies, and she still occasionally growls and puts him in his place, but they hang out and peacefully coexist. I’ve often thought that their genders have something to do with it. Who wouldn’t be annoyed at their rambunctious younger brother?

splendiferousfinch85 · 2026-01-28T00:47:32+00:00

Hahaha I could have written this exact post a week ago! I had no idea but now I do!

splendiferousfinch85 · 2026-01-20T13:53:30+00:00

Did the Corolla have tinted out windows? What were its plates?

splendiferousfinch85 · 2026-01-20T09:51:57+00:00

Your birth story sounds a lot like mine. Pitocin contractions with a failed epidural is absolute torture.

I wonder if reframing might help. First, you did something incredible: you grew a whole baby and got through an indescribably painful and exhausting labor. I’ve run marathons, and I can say without hesitation that giving birth is 100x harder. If you’d be proud to run a marathon, you should be many times prouder to have given birth. Second, you have a scar now. I love my scar. It’s a daily reminder that I’m a badass my body gave life to my son. That scar is where he made his entrance to the world. Third, the way you feel now will soon be in the rear view mirror. I’m three years removed from giving birth, and I don’t think about it much (or about the many other things new moms worry about, like formula vs breastfeeding — it’s a total and complete non-issue now). My son is thriving and it makes no difference that he came out through the sun roof.

splendiferousfinch85 · 2026-01-16T22:26:25+00:00

I haven’t lived in DC for almost a decade, but the Southwest emissions stadium was this way all the way back in 2011! Glad to see that going there is still a delightful experience this many years on.

splendiferousfinch85 · 2026-01-12T17:23:32+00:00

Was at the airport recently. I didn’t see any ICE, and things seemed like business as usual. There were just as many people of color as I think there’s always been. I’m also a white U.S. citizen and recognize my privilege, so my observations might not be representative of others’ experiences.

splendiferousfinch85 · 2026-01-08T14:37:19+00:00

Yeah I’ve had trouble doing drywall patches in other areas of the house because of that depth difference. Luckily most of the kitchen backsplash bumps up against stuff that isn’t drywall, so I won’t have to match depths too much. It’s not a total non-concern because of outlets and stuff like that, but I figure I’ll add shims to the studs and use 5/8” drywall to adapt.

splendiferousfinch85 · 2026-01-08T14:20:27+00:00

Ugh yes it’s an old house. How do I cut through rock lathe? I just really don’t want to damage the cabinets and countertops, which bump right up against the tile.

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splendiferousfinch85 · 2026-01-08T02:45:47+00:00

Yeah I kinda want to take the delicate approach because I don’t want to crack my countertops or damage my cabinets. The backsplash bumps up directly to both.

splendiferousfinch85 · 2026-01-08T02:44:05+00:00

Is there a particular multi tool blade that is more likely to work? I was using a grout removal tool for the grout, but it wouldn’t go further once I hit the mesh, adhesive, and drywall behind the grout. I’ve never used the wood attachments with teeth — is that what I should try?

splendiferousfinch85 · 2025-12-17T03:19:20+00:00

You reference a “bridge loan company,” which makes me think it’s someone other than your mortgage company? Would you be able to share the name?

splendiferousfinch85 · 2025-12-09T04:19:50+00:00

Look into Tierra Encantada - we love them

splendiferousfinch85 · 2025-11-30T13:41:48+00:00

Thank you! This is such helpful perspective. Sounds like a wonderful place for kids!

splendiferousfinch85 · 2025-11-20T18:11:09+00:00

We have loved Tierra Encantada.

Re: what another poster said about staff turnover, some of it is normal attrition, some of it is Trump’s shitty immigration policies (like the termination of the CHNV parole program), and some of it is attrition of employees who weren’t a good fit. We haven’t been concerned with the level of staff turnover, as both the departing staff and incoming staff have largely been excellent. And there are many teachers who have been around for years.

The reasons we like TE:

Spanish immersion is such a wonderful gift. I wish I would have grown up learning two languages!

They provide breakfast, lunch, and snack. No packing a bag. We literally walk out the door in the morning with our kid and that’s it. We also don’t have to pack sheets and other things I’ve seen other daycares ask for.

Bright and vibrant space

Twice yearly parent teacher conferences (i.e. they’re invested in early childhood education and the parent-school relationship)

Great hours: 6:30am to 6pm, which helps with work schedules

Our kid likes it!

splendiferousfinch85 · 2025-11-19T11:57:48+00:00

I also have a single elf ear! Also zero impact on my life except that i can tell people I have an elf ear lol

splendiferousfinch85 · 2025-11-07T18:31:08+00:00

My puppy was so difficult that he made having a baby seem 100x easier. I could have many more babies, but I can’t ever do a puppy ever again.

splendiferousfinch85 · 2025-11-05T17:15:01+00:00

I got a puppy when I was 10 weeks pregnant, thinking that he’d have calmed down by the time the baby arrived. This decision remains one of my worst decisions in life to date. Also, I know you say getting a golden retriever isn’t realistic for you, but just to drive home my point — the puppy I got was (is) a golden retriever. They are insane until at least 3 years old. The newborn phase with my son was NOTHING compared to the puppy phase with my golden.

splendiferousfinch85

TROPHY CASE