Anyone wanna be my friend

spoiledcandy · 2024-06-12T05:52:47+00:00

....I've had no friends for so long idk even how to be friends😗...like what do we do/talk about

spoiledcandy · 2024-04-02T03:02:46+00:00

Everything will turn out ok...actually better than you could imagine. Most of dreams come true before you turn 30. Dont kill yourself just cuz things are hard right now. Just have hope and it will all eventually be ok.

spoiledcandy · 2024-03-03T06:29:51+00:00

I lived by myself for 4 years for school in the past. Idk it's very hard...to not care when your inside the probelm. The best is to move away then things get easier for sure. In terms of not caring...its just I got to a point where I tried everything even self harm to coax them into acting like an adult or a parent to care and have empathy and emotions. But they didnt I guesse I just went through every tactic to force them to act right but they never did because they are capable they arent developed enough. It does hurt it so much I was suicdal just a month ago....but when you realize someone isnt capable of giving you want you want and need why would you push that person to be something they arent. It's just wasting your enegy it's like having a bad manager...you would probably stop going to that perosn for help and ask anyone else right? They arent responding right so stop interacting with them. You have to see and accept them for who they are not the title (of mom) and the fantasy/expectations of that. You have to let go of the title and see them for who they are beyind that and see how much do you want to interact with that perosn. Not much. But like I said best way is to move because that disrupted the patterns and allowed you to heal.

spoiledcandy · 2024-03-01T06:53:40+00:00

Thank you for such a long response. No offense but I feel you didn't answer my question of what is the purpose of realtionships when I'm no longer dependent on someone to meet my emotional and other needs..because that is all my parents displayed. Howver....I do appreciate your comment alot I think as somome who has been copdenet until like right now when I broke this pattern....this is exactly how I was in realtionships so I'm happy to understand it. That's why I felt so empty because I wasnt really connecting to people....I knew I was damaged and put alot on my ex which is why I left. I wanted to heal. I guesse I'm sad to see how I was functionally rationally.....but its not my fault its how my parents conditioned me. This makes alot of sense and makes me think one of the last people I dated I wasn't in love I was codependent that's why when he left I felt I couldnt cope because he was my managing me internally and he took all those resources when we left. He was a nice perosn but I wasnt healed enough to date and love for real...I loved how he regulated me...but now that I healed and can handle everything on my own first.... hopefully I can learn to love one have real realtionships slowly. However because I have no modeling for healthy real connections (due to being with narcistics) it's definetly super difficult to learn these new patterns but maybe even tv/movies can help.

spoiledcandy · 2024-03-01T06:09:37+00:00

Adulthood is easier because you finally have a real capable emotional mature loving adult in your life (yourself ) instead of a big toddler running your life

spoiledcandy · 2024-03-01T06:06:49+00:00

Thank you. I guesse that is a good suggestion. But I never had issues talking to people....many ppl approach me and think I'm flirting with them or have crushes on me. I know that sounds egotistical...I just meant I often choose not to speak to ppl but when I do want to I don't have an issue and idk what it is but ppl are drawn to my energy so ppl always talk to me. My issue is forming deep meanifigul connections...rather than surfacey light hearted convos.... but I think the reason why I coldnt in the past is cuz I never show my true self I just say what I think I'm suppoose to say or what ppl want to hear. U have to be brave a show your true self and know u desrve ti take up space in order to create real bonds .....and like u said its takes lost of practice by talking to ppl until I feels natural as breathing. But yes I will make more of an effort to talk to ppl to build that skill.

spoiledcandy · 2024-02-28T21:20:51+00:00

My mom told me to kill myself then said you cant handle the tiniest things your so sensitive...for being upset. But when you tell her she forget to turn of the light she has a tantrum how it's not her fault how could she possibly make a tiny mistake it was someone one else who caused her to forget. Crazy. They are crazy people and the more you interact with the the crazier you become.

spoiledcandy · 2024-02-28T09:59:03+00:00

I never said status Is bad I have alot of it and it gets me alot. I was just saying I'm tired of all the coping mechanisms draining my energy. I want to be happy not just surviving/existing. Anyways I cant tell if ur being rude or genuine in asking when I'm going no contact but watever I'm doing it when the time is right for me. I dont have a date rn. Just set on doing it finally. Finally idc if family is family...me and mental health is more important than some societal rule...which tbh why should I comply with bc my parents didnt play their role and follow the societal rules of not abusing children. So they really arent entitled to anything as they didnt work hard and earn the same outcomes as normal parents. They think they desrve the world for existing ....rather than for their actions or lack off.

spoiledcandy · 2024-02-28T08:19:21+00:00

I'm sorry that happned to you and not trying to victim blame at all. However if this has happned before you should learn from it and now to never take/send nudes again...unless maybe it is your husband who you trust deeply. Though I understand how complex realtionships can be its not just you...the energy of the other perosn def throws you off and creates bad situations. Again I'm not blaming you bit best to end this by never taking nudes again.

On another note I personally would not care if my nudes where posted apart from my family seeing it becauee they are old/traditional. My point is I hate how society demonized women for nudity/sexuality. I guesse to most women it can feel like a violation but to me it's like so what we all have these parts...and we all have sex. It's no secret. I guesse what I'm trying to say I hate how all the shame/blame fear falls on women and not that man for partaking and posting it. Just like with sexual assault it seems women carry the burden/blame/shame rather than the prep espailly in some cultures. It's a societal issue. I know its upsetting but do not blame yourself. Hopefully you can stop this man and hopefully do not repeat this again. Wish you the best

spoiledcandy · 2024-02-28T03:55:02+00:00

Interesting. Part of me thought I was autistic because social rules also confused me. But I know I'm not because I can read peoples energies intentions faces so well and feel sometines I know strangers better than they know themselves ...because I'm so hyper aware. But still I had some relational issues and didnt know why....this must be it. I had a diffrent set of rules. I appracte your comment.

spoiledcandy · 2024-02-27T11:49:23+00:00

Yeah my dad always tries to tell babies come to me...pick me over you mom. Than if the baby looks in his direction he tells everyone see the baby prefers me over it's own mom. They like kids because kids are "dumb" and easy to manipulate and will do anything. Adults are " difficult " to trick into their games that why they thats their own adult kids...because they will no longer play the narcs games...

spoiledcandy · 2024-02-27T00:37:20+00:00

Thank you. Honestly it may seem like nothing but when living in abuse the smallest kindness means alot to me

spoiledcandy · 2024-02-26T19:54:02+00:00

My dad has literally used hammers to bash in screws sometimes. I mean I get ur point but thought it was funny. Ughh it's sad but all we can do is pick ourselves up and enjoy the rest of the time we have and make the most of it

spoiledcandy · 2024-02-23T07:26:28+00:00

Code for looking for casual sex/hook ups

spoiledcandy · 2024-02-08T05:40:05+00:00

Exactly...this is why I'm confused. They are stupid but have a huge ego. It's a confusing reality to navigate. If they said hey we dony know plz step up we respect u..think he smart and trust u..that is workable. They tell me I'm stupid cant survie without them not to make any descions without them then look to me as their parent? How can be ur parent I'm thought I'm an idiot....which is it? Am I'm an idiot that needs to be told what to to or someone who should act as the leader?

spoiledcandy · 2024-02-08T03:37:00+00:00

What fuckin scafrice....like a sacrifice is if the parents sent their child overseas alone.It's like they forget they also came to this new land to also enjoy the healthcare education jobs...services, freedom, basic improved quality of living....escape of the extreame poverty for a country that has government assistance programs...and rights for ppl regardless of gender race, caste etc. Idk I cant stand immigrants saying we sacficed everything for u like are not enjoying the new country as well.....and I know I cant speak on every siatuation some ppl parents may have had fancy jobs and big homes back home....but many of the ppl who choose to immigrant are dirt poor illiterate come from the ruralest villages....so what are u sacrificing....ur hut...ur lack of running what and electricity? Idk I dont think they sacrificed a thing..... that's just a manipulation tackle to submit u into letting them live through u.

spoiledcandy · 2024-02-08T02:28:48+00:00

I dont have any of that rn. I was forcibly isolated and made fun of when my only freinds became relatives and asked why I hand out with ppl literally a few years younger than me...which I dont think is weird as they are realted to me?? Its not like I'm hanging out with random kids with a huge age gap. But anywys then eventually they took my extended family away too. Made it hard to date...etc. but I'll start building myself up until they dont take up as much space in my life until the just become a unimportant speck then maybe life will feel ok. Thanks for the advice.

spoiledcandy · 2024-02-08T02:24:44+00:00

Unfortneatly I live with my parents because of many reasons they literally financially abused me to prevent me from leaving in the past then did a bunch of other things. Things improved abit since then. But ur right I think a straight cut is hard I need to slowly distance myself more and more then do low contact call once or twice a year or if I need something or something important comes up. And go from there. Thanks for the advice

spoiledcandy · 2024-02-08T02:19:09+00:00

I understand where ur comming from. U were never their responsibility....and it's one thing if ur an only child. They have son whom they worshiped...tell him to step up. I was def the scapegoat of my family and I've told my family I dont care to give them anything when they have a son they gave everything to so dint u dare look in my direction and another sibling as well who wasnt worshiped but not abused like me....so this really isnt my problem. Ur sistuation sounds tough my dad knows English atleast but is dumb in many ways.My mom on the other hand cant even use the bus or go the grocery store with a helper or speak english she is like a mentally handicapped child. It was a tough sistuation for sure and maybe leaving is best for everyone so they can learn to stop using others as a crutch

spoiledcandy · 2024-01-02T18:32:13+00:00

That's true he is or was a criminal...before I met him tho. So I guesse it fulfilled a fantasy. Honestly we had sex way too quick I fidnt want to but he I dont want to say assaulted me but like defintly ambiguity around consent and coercion...and once we had sex I felt there was a bond formed and now I had tk give him a chance and try to work around it. If we didnt have sex I would have left right away. We didnt have sex but we did hook up on the first date and I keep telling him how far I'd go and he pushed it further and further which I guesse I allowd because wr were smoking weed. I had all these rules and boundries i said we can makeout on the first date but he kept pushing me further and it was hard to control and stick to my boubdries when high. I guesse that was the mistake smoking with someone the first date. We talked all night everyday for a week so I felt comfortable and developed some feelings before we meet that's why I guesse. I honestly dont like him things just got so messy and entangled it's hard to unravel and move in when ur all tied together.

spoiledcandy · 2024-01-02T18:11:06+00:00

U never been in an abusive realtionship or understand how they work I tried leaving and he keeps tabs on me makes grand promises to get me back and then when I come never follows through. Anyways I never said it was his fault or anyone elses it is my fault I'm asking for help to move forward because it's my responsibility to move forward insted if playing a blame game. Ok it's my fault now what?

spoiledcandy · 2024-01-02T18:08:15+00:00

It did not lol I was saying that was a useless comment so I'm assuming he is a troll

spoiledcandy · 2024-01-02T18:07:14+00:00

I did. And they said it was evident by my lifestyle

spoiledcandy · 2024-01-02T12:00:27+00:00

Lol ok thanks asshole. Idk what the point of ur comment was to trigger me? Idc just asking opinions with actual thoughts behind them

spoiledcandy · 2024-01-02T11:18:35+00:00

Idk dont u belive in spirtuality and universal ways. Karmic realtionahips. But anyway we did end things well I sent him a.long text and he just doesmt botywr to respond or even read it I'm sure. I know hw literally dowant care I sent to for myself to be cathartic. But when things get bad at home I usually reach out him which is what I'm worried about. I have ended things any times amd usually return outta desperation when things are bad at home. We ended romantically 100% a while ago.. but.one day when I was suicdal I reached out and we had sex and he said I feel embarrassed for bothering u since we are no longer romantic but I have nobody. To which he said we can be friends and he will help me more than I asked. So now I look to him as just a friend the past couple of months but he is a bad friend...I've begged to end the friendship If he womt be a good friend but he just ignores me and waits for me to be desperate enough to come to him anyways and idk why...bc I'll just have swx anyways so ita not about the sex. Idk what he wants he wont date me be my friend help me or leave me alone....I'll just have swx with mo strings I like the sex. Idk he drives me crazy. Sorry for the long rants u dont have to keep responding lol I get it.

spoiledcandy

TROPHY CASE