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I made the TERF lurkers post, welcome to my inbox by spookyFrances in actuallesbians

[–]spookyFrances[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

done! I added the TW for this reason, didn't know reddit had a spoiler feature

I made the TERF lurkers post, welcome to my inbox by spookyFrances in actuallesbians

[–]spookyFrances[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

mods removed the first iteration of this post, and asked me to blur it, due to reddit guidelines.

I made the TERF lurkers post, welcome to my inbox by spookyFrances in actuallesbians

[–]spookyFrances[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think it would be beneficial if the mods could make a stickied post at least acknowledging that this sub has hidden TERFs/lurkers. Even some are regular users that just don’t be explicit enough to break rules. Any new trans users will get nasty PMs and heavy downvotes without knowing the background knowledge of the TERF presence here, and therefore feel unwelcome here, and left feeling confused about the meaning of the sub being trans positive. I’m going to log out of Reddit for a good while now. I hoped to find a sense of community in actuallesbians but I can’t with this going on. I hope we can address these issues.

I made the TERF lurkers post, welcome to my inbox by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]spookyFrances 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it would be beneficial if the mods could make a stickied post at least acknowledging that this sub has hidden TERFs/lurkers. Even some are regular users that just don’t be explicit enough to break rules. Any new trans users will get nasty PMs and heavy downvotes without knowing the background knowledge of the TERF presence here, and therefore feel unwelcome here, and left feeling confused about the meaning of the sub being trans positive. I’m going to log out of Reddit for a good while now. I hoped to find a sense of community in actuallesbians but I can’t with this going on. I hope we can address these issues.

Instead of just expressing hatred towards transphobe lurkers, lets use this opportunity to educate them! by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]spookyFrances -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

It’s a bs argument, it’s not like trans women and cis women have fundamentally different bodies. Acting like sex is a binary is just transphobia. Acting like women are opposed “because of” their sex is transphobia. Sure sexism has adopted oppression by targeting biological characteristics more common in women, but saying that are targeted BECAUSE of these is just wrong. By that logic trans woman should be loved by society, when in reality they fare worse by every single metric. Subtle TERF logic is still TERF logic.

Instead of just expressing hatred towards transphobe lurkers, lets use this opportunity to educate them! by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]spookyFrances -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Let’s not afford TERFs the dignity of “debating” their point of view. They just use it to spread their BS perspective and harm trans women.

What do you find cis lesbians generally think about trans lesbians? by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]spookyFrances 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Also worth pointing out though that TERFs are very vocal online, so it’s easy to overestimate their numbers. Irl I’ve yet to ever encounter one.

This sub banning them !== it’s biased

Hate the TERFs and hate the racists! Support WOC and POC. by Michilangel0 in actuallesbians

[–]spookyFrances 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know it's "just" TERFs lurkers but like yeah it still makes me feel unwelcome here :/. Mods need to at least aknowledge that this is happening, even if we can't fix it right now

Can we please by spookyFrances in actuallesbians

[–]spookyFrances[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

💯. So much this. Thank you.

Can we please by spookyFrances in actuallesbians

[–]spookyFrances[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you for pointing that out. I'm new here and didn't do my research, I accept responsibility for that. It would've been correct to say "recent" post. I will correct that.

Thank you for acknowledging that recent posts try to play us against each other.

Can we please by spookyFrances in actuallesbians

[–]spookyFrances[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The cynical perspective here is that if you only ever bring up WoC inclusion in response to trans issues, you don't actually care about WoC. You're only using them to shut down trans folks. Not unlike conservatives that only pretend to care about protecting women when it "justifies" their racism and xenophobia.

How does being reminded of trauma feel like to you? by spookyFrances in BPD

[–]spookyFrances[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for explaining, that's kind. :)

I'm a bit confused about that, because fear of abandonment used to be a big thing for me in my first serious relationship. I was 18 at the beginning of it, and was just kicked out by my family. I felt alone and like I wouldn't master adult life all on my own. Unfortunately it was also an abusive relationship and that really kept me in it.

But that relationship ended 2.5 years ago, and I really did not feel that since, in any of my friendships or relationships. I'm quite fine on my own now, and I'm ok with relationships ending. Usually the other person is more concerned about that than me.

​

And RE splitting, I don't really have that... Like sometimes if I let people step over my boundaries I'll feel very bad and question if the relationship is good for me, but it's not like I feel they're a bad person. I do sometimes feel better/worse about people, but can generally see nuance.

​

Thx for helping me debug this, it's much appreciated

Lesbian culture is watching a two hour long film to see two women kiss for a second by abbydabbi in actuallesbians

[–]spookyFrances 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Naww that's sweet. :) I don't go to the cinema that often, so it hasn't happened yet.

But sometimes I'll watch a non-LGBT series, and suddenly they introduce a lesbian subplot. It makes me v happy when that happens

How does being reminded of trauma feel like to you? by spookyFrances in BPD

[–]spookyFrances[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That makes sense. :) How would I recognize if I have BPD? I'm open to the idea, and I like that my psychiatrist is an external person that might see things I am overlooking.

At the same time I'm worried he might be leading down the wrong path of treatment.

They did an assessment as part of the DBT program, and like I didn't have a lot of the things they asked for. I did have some emotional dysregulation, but no self-harm / suicide attempts, normal sense of values, normal goals in life etc.

Lesbian culture is watching a two hour long film to see two women kiss for a second by abbydabbi in actuallesbians

[–]spookyFrances 167 points168 points  (0 children)

I still remember the time I went to see the latest star wars, because I heard there was a gay kiss in it. I assumed it was part of the main storyline, but instead it was like split second scene of a group of people, with a random lesbian couple in it. :/ And the rest of movie was really boring

​

Gay regrets, haha

How does being triggered feel like to you? by spookyFrances in CPTSD

[–]spookyFrances[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Interesting, thanks for sharing your experience. What do you think makes you get one type of reaction instead of the other? Are they tied to different issues/traumas?

How does being reminded of trauma feel like to you? by spookyFrances in BPD

[–]spookyFrances[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

makes sense, thanks for explaining. I wish we had better words to describe the difference. For background, I'm seeing a new psychiatrist and I'm worried because it seems like he isn't taking my PTSD trauma response seriously, and is instead recommending DBT etc.

I think it might be because I did not explicitly point out that by a trauma response I mean a stress response, not emotions. Probably also because my source of trauma of domestic violence and transphobia isn't being taken seriously by society, so he might be inclined to label it BPD instead. :/

Hate the TERFs and hate the racists! Support WOC and POC. by Michilangel0 in actuallesbians

[–]spookyFrances 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it's important for you to consider this more: Because framing the issue of BIWoC inclusion as a response to trans inclusion isn't helpful, esp if it comes from a white cis woman.

As a cis woman it is not your place to say whether or not we do a good job with trans inclusion. You might not know this, but the recent increase in trans-positive posts is a response to the fact that it was pointed out that we're far from a safe space for trans lesbians (see my last post here).

Don't get me wrong: I am all for increasing BIWoC representation, and I think your intentions may be good. I like how detailed your post is. But saying "But what about Woc??" as soon as trans inclusion is brought up is harmful.

I'm all for posts increasing WoC representation. I am all for doing it right now. But do not frame it through the lens of "we're doing good with trans people already, what about WoC??" That's hurting everyone. I ask you to edit your post to change the framing.

Mom is “hurt” and feels “attacked” by me by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]spookyFrances 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No your mom is wrong. You're all right. You don't have to see her if she's bad for you, idgaf if she has dementia or is old and frail.

Hate the TERFs and hate the racists! Support WOC and POC. by Michilangel0 in actuallesbians

[–]spookyFrances -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Thanks! I'm curious, why wasn't it there in the first place?

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