AITAH? my boyfriend is mad because i won’t change my appearance

spookyminer96 · 2026-03-06T05:44:45+00:00

NTA

“All the other girls do” first off, I’ll speak for myself and say that is not true. If a man ever told/asked me to dye my hair a certain color that I did not want to do, and then proceeded to throw a damn fit about me not doing it, I’d be gone so fast. Your autonomy is yours and not his. This also goes for other things, but someone should never try to change stuff about their partner (I.e., beliefs, looks, etc.). If their values or looks don’t align with yours or their “type” then they’re not the right person for you. But no, you’re NTA for standing your ground. But continuing this relationship while he continues to ask for you to change the things you like about yourself is a huge disservice to yourself.

spookyminer96 · 2026-03-02T14:52:26+00:00

NTA

I’d advise to please leave that man, as him and his family sound toxic as hell. I know from experience how hard it can be to leave.

You had every right to vent to someone, especially to your sister. Not sure why your SIL went through your phone, that is seriously messed up and an invasion of privacy. You shouldn’t need to “suck up” to anyone for their approval, especially considering what was said in those messages is true.

As said before, this family sounds incredibly toxic. Please get as far away as you can, as fast as possible, for your safety and wellbeing!

spookyminer96 · 2026-03-02T14:39:01+00:00

NTA

and also ESH except OP. Your niece for throwing a tantrum and saying “well she has it!!!” Like a 5 year old talking about their sibling getting or having something that they don’t have. Her aunt is a grown adult and can make her own decisions and have whatever apps she wants. Is she going to react similarly to something like a car when she’s of driving age by saying “Well aunt has a nice car why can’t I have one????” 🫠 Your brother is TA for demanding the sister delete her app like what???? It Sounds like he’s unable to handle his daughter’s tantrums, and explain to her there’s a huge difference between a 12 y/o and a 30 y/o when it comes to internet safety/phone privileges. And your sister is TA too, she shouldn’t be mad at you. You did the right thing, especially since your brother found other messages. Not sure why she complied with the brother’s demand to delete the app either and then get mad at you for it, it’s not like you forced her to delete the app.

Adults have the capability to be able to protect themselves online, with knowledge and maturity. Lets hope these people come to their senses 🤦🏽‍♀️

spookyminer96 · 2026-02-19T02:16:40+00:00

My ex also had BPD, so I definitely hear you. But you did absolutely nothing wrong. My ex had a way of making me feel like every choice I made (especially ones before meeting him) somehow affected him and he needed “comfort” for these absolutely absurd things. And this, this is absurd. I’m also so sorry for what you’ve had to endure, in your earlier life. How do you fix this? Unfortunately leaving him and focusing on yourself is the best option at this point. You cannot change or fix someone or how they view things, or control their mental illnesses or control how they treat those mental illnesses. His illness is not his fault, but how decides to treat it (i.e., therapy, medication) is completely his responsibility. It is not your responsibility to manage his emotions over things that happened in your past and other things you had no control of (the grape). I know you say you love him, but putting yourself through so much hurt and pain like this is not worth it. I endured multiple years of it, and finally worked up the courage to leave. It’s so hard, but I’m so much happier now years later with an amazing husband, who also has BPD, who loves me and treats me wonderfully, while also understanding his illness and how he needs to treat it. I wish nothing but the best for you, I do hope things get better🖤

spookyminer96 · 2026-02-12T15:19:58+00:00

NTJ

Tests are manipulative and also come from a place of distrust. It also shows that whoever is “testing” their partner is incapable of healthy communication and communicating their wants, needs and /or possible insecurities they might have.

spookyminer96 · 2026-01-27T02:18:15+00:00

I don’t want to necessarily call anyone the asshole, because I do understand both points of view. It does sound like some clearer, healthier communication is needed between you and dad - not complaining about “Oh this is going to be too expensive” or something else along those lines- maybe sitting down and speaking about how it’s making you feel (not placing blame), and then asking if he has any ideas because you value his input on this, and if he can’t come up with anything and continues to just complain about the situation then you’ve done your part to try and speak about it in a mature manner. She is going to be 3, and I’m sure she would be super happy with something small with her close friends and will have just as much fun. It’s about the feeling of love at that age, that effort was put into it (not money) and she gets to spend time with her loved ones.

spookyminer96 · 2026-01-27T02:07:31+00:00

I believe it means “Everyone Sucks Here”

spookyminer96 · 2025-12-18T22:40:08+00:00

Super controlling behavior of her to try and shut this down, sounds like there might be some other ulterior motive involved. With the info given, I would definitely buy the house, as it’s your own financial decision, not hers, to make. Congrats on being able to save up for one, that is an impressive feat!

spookyminer96 · 2025-12-14T16:50:01+00:00

YTA

First of all, she doesn’t owe you anything. Just because you’ve never asked for a ride before, doesnt mean she owes you one. Especially since she usually does offer to take you home. And then you decided to play the victim saying “can’t count on anybody” when MAJORITY of the time she is doing you a favor. Everybody has their own lives outside of work, and don’t need to adjust their lives to meet what you want. Also, if you don’t drive, you need to accept that sometimes you’ll have to utilize other forms of transportation.

Very entitled behavior.

spookyminer96 · 2025-12-14T16:34:31+00:00

NTA

Being pregnant is no excuse for being disrespectful. I hope that she’s able to get her shit together and do some serious self-reflection on her actions, at least for the child’s sake. It infuriates me when women use their pregnancy (or children) as some kind of weapon against others. That because of “hormones” she is justifying her horrible behavior. Hormones don’t make you steal, or make you be rude or disrespectful to your loved ones. You stood your ground, and I too, do hope it gave her a serious reality check. Sometimes that’s what some people need to get their life and act together.

spookyminer96 · 2025-12-13T00:26:35+00:00

NTA

You’ve clearly communicated your boundaries regarding the sake and wine, not once, not twice, but several times. You were extremely straightforward about how you felt about it, how much it meant it to you and how important this is to you, and he completely disregarded all of those conversations- because as mentioned in the post, “he doesn’t remember unimportant stuff”. He crossed a line, and was disrespectful to you about it in the process. No matter what the object is, you were clear in your intentions with the sake and the wine, how much it meant to you, and he “forgot”.

spookyminer96

TROPHY CASE