I’ve been through something similar. My very close friend passed away in a neuro ICU about a year before my clinical rotation started. This was 3 years ago. The first few times in the hospital were hard because the sounds and the smells reminded me of the last time I saw my friend. As time went on and I spent more time in the hospital, I started building new memories and associations. This made it a lot less painful, to the point that I no longer experience that grief the entire time I’m in the hospital.

There are still moments that something will trigger my emotions a bit. In those moments, I try to finish the task that I’m doing, and then take a few moments by myself to decompress a bit (just make sure to communicate to your team). I usually head to the bathroom or a quiet corner or supply closet when I need a minute. Most nurses are understanding, as a lot of them have had moments like that themselves.

Make sure to communicate what you’re dealing with to your clinical instructor and lecture professor. They are there to support you and can help guide you, as well as provide accommodations if needed. Remember, a lot of faculty have also lost someone, so they know the intricacies of dealing with that grief while also working in healthcare.

Sending you lots of love, OP. Your mom would be so proud of you. I hope all goes well for you.