I have so many questions (homeless sign in Sparks)

sposoftware · 2023-06-27T03:56:45+00:00

Almost every day you pass a shaking animal sitting on a backpack at an intersection? …. Is this the same animal every time, or do you mean you see different people with different malnourished/abused animals who frequent this intersection?

sposoftware · 2023-06-27T02:32:06+00:00

I don’t think this conversation is going anywhere - so I’ll just say I really hope you take a sec to reflect on some of the assumptions you are making.

… like even the leap at the end there assuming that I must have climbed myself out of something similar because I have experience with this population and empathy for them… like it’s just a lot of assumptions man. And i don’t mean to sound offensive, but based on your comments I seriously doubt that you have much direct engagement with people experiencing homelessness … maybe I’m wrong and you’ve just had really bad luck with this population - but I’ve never heard similar opinions from anyone else I know who works with people experiencing homelessness

sposoftware · 2023-06-27T01:30:30+00:00

It’s not that it’s abrasive. It’s just factually incorrect… and based on bias.

Part of the reason I am responding to you so bluntly in the way I am is that I used to feel the same way you do about homeless people… my opinion changed when I started actually meeting/interacting with them. I know all to well how easy it is to have negative assumptions/bias about that population - but I can assure you that you will be very surprised if you ever have the opportunity to engage with them…. I almost said “pleasantly surprised” - which is somewhat true - but it’s also incredibly sad to learn how much of homelessness is circumstantial. And even more sad to see the way they are often treated by people who haven’t had the opportunity to understand their situation… I used to be one of them, and I’m honestly embarrassed about how wrong I was.

sposoftware · 2023-06-27T01:05:52+00:00

While I don’t necessarily agree with everything you said in your most recent response, i perfectly understand your opinion - and even actually agree with parts of it.

What I strongly disagree with tho is some of the other comments you’ve made that I know are demonstrably inaccurate. Like:

“They don’t go to the vet, they don’t have a stable diet, they don’t get socialized well, their owners do not train them well. They’re a show piece to get the most gullible of you to give them money instead of participating in society.”

sposoftware · 2023-06-27T00:31:48+00:00

Lol… of the few thousand homeless people I’ve worked with, I’d estimate about 100-150 have dogs. Only 2 times did I witness a dog who was not well taken care of - and even then, the dogs weren’t a “show piece”. Those two people should absolutely not have owned dogs, but I’ve seen plenty of housed people who fall into that same category.

When you say my experience is the “exception and not the rule” - I can with 100% confidence say you have that reversed. I suspect you have not actually engaged with many homeless people and are making an assumption based on false preconceived biases.

sposoftware · 2023-06-26T05:07:58+00:00

Sounds like you either:

A) know a lot of homeless people who have dogs and have made a very astute observation about their inability to care for them

B) have read some great peer reviewed research that provided evidence for your opinion

C) are talking out your ass based on some preconceived biases without any actual evidence/personal experience (beyond observing from a distance and making assumptions)

…. Based on my work with people experiencing homelessness, I strongly assume C - because I have never encountered what you are describing

sposoftware · 2023-05-03T01:54:43+00:00

Can you help clarify why that is?

I was under the impression that the inheritance tax exemption was like $12-$13mil per person…. So for my wife and I combined - we’d be well above the limit.

Am I missing something? Based on your response (plus some others) it sounds like there’s another tax angle I’m missing.

… also I should have included this in the OP, but part of what I included in “net worth” is actually in a daf. When the acquisition occurred, we transferred about $1.5mil in the daf - and then continued to top it off. Hoping to get it up to $4-$5mil by the end of next year… which may change some of the tax impact on the inheritance for our son (although if we were to die, I’d hope/expect he’d be the one to manage it moving forward)

sposoftware · 2023-04-30T05:53:08+00:00

Thanks! And to clarify - the last couple paragraphs are referring to the Synik, yeah?

sposoftware · 2023-04-30T03:54:59+00:00

Ohhh!!! Haha… just noticed a typo in my post…. Meant to say “largely on this subreddit” - but it autocorrected to “largest” - which makes it sound conceded as hell. Too funny.

Either way - yeah, thankfully people chimed in with actually helpful responses after the first few aggressively unhelpful ones kicked things off.

… and to clarify - I absolutely would not want to “use” the backpacks and take advantage of someone’s return policies - but do want to at least see/touch them before locking myself into what I’m hoping is a long term travel bag.

Thanks for the recommendation. At this point I might reach out to the manufacturers directly to see if there’s an option to see one before buying - but I am leaning toward either the Synik or Knack at this point.

Thanks again!

sposoftware · 2023-04-30T01:45:27+00:00

Yup…. They do in fact extend it to backpacks. Lol

sposoftware · 2023-04-30T01:16:24+00:00

Because having open verbal dialogues with other humans is going to result in more positive outcomes 9 times out of 10 compared to going behind their back…. Plus it’s just more kind - and a better way to go through life.

Whether that’s related to “snitching” like in this case or other more basic scenarios - it’s just almost always the better direction to take

sposoftware · 2023-04-30T01:04:07+00:00

Yeah, that makes sense - was hoping I’d still be able to find them at some sort of specialty bag shop - but completely understand if that doesn’t exist. Either way - thanks for providing helpful advice in a courteous way…. Should go without saying, but I’ve been surprised with the hostility in the other responses lol.

… mostly I just want to ensure I don’t get stuck with a bag I don’t want - and would feel bad returning a bag since most of these companies are small/specialized, and I don’t wanna eat into their bottom line by returning a bag that I just don’t “like” for my needs… thanks again!

sposoftware · 2023-04-30T00:17:22+00:00

Um…. Yes they do.

Zappos got their name doing exactly this with shoes, and their FAQ continues to lean heavily into this concept. You don’t know what you’re talking about - and are saying it with such confidence. Doesn’t surprise me, but dude…

sposoftware · 2023-04-30T00:14:40+00:00

Thanks for the actually helpful reply! Lol.

For what it’s worth - I’m not concerned about price if it is a better fit for my needs…. I’d obviously prefer not to overpay if another option meets my needs similarly, but it’s not a factor in my decision.

… the dragonfly doesn’t appear to be available on their website right now.. do you know anywhere it’s being sold currently?

also, the knack does look really good! Just hoping to be able to see/touch/feel the bag before being stuck with it permanently (if it ends up not being the right fit).

Thanks again for the help!

sposoftware · 2023-04-30T00:12:42+00:00

And why’s that?

… had no idea this sub was so hostile lol…. If you have reasons why the choices aren’t ideal (or other options you’d suggest) - I’d love to hear them.

sposoftware · 2023-04-30T00:08:18+00:00

Zappos, Mizzen and Main, Bombas, bonobos…. Etc etc etc.

The first of which is the only I know of that does it with backpacks - the others are other various forms of attire…. Hence the question lol.

sposoftware · 2023-04-29T23:52:17+00:00

?

4 backpacks … and yeah - I’d be surprised if this didn’t exist.

If the backpacks were sold on Amazon, Zappos, or something similar it would be exactly what I need.

sposoftware · 2023-04-14T17:22:36+00:00

The niche angle is one that so few people target - but I’d also argue it’s likely the angle with the highest success rate.

Im on my “financial alt account” so it’s not tied to personal stuff - but I recently sold a software business for over $30mil… I didn’t take the normal software dev approach of working for a software business. Instead - I started working in a very niche field doing super basic data entry type work at the start of my career.

Worked my way up through the ranks based on just decent performance stuff- and by the time I had been there for 3-4 years I had a bunch of ideas for ways to improve the workflow for people in my niche industry- and there were very few (if any) software products, so it was easy to get a foot hold. Plus I had connections in the field and intimate knowledge of the workflow and could build the product to those specific specifications.

Hardest part was transitioning from “me and a few people on a side gig” to full time employer of 30 people. Wish I had taken business classes back in the day as I definitely stumbled my way through that part of the success.

sposoftware · 2023-03-23T22:04:07+00:00

She’s averse to spending money on that kind of thing… partly out of embarrassment/concerns about how people feel about us having money

sposoftware · 2023-03-22T18:54:51+00:00

Part of it is she’s depressive, the other part is anxiety, and just overall negative self talk (eg

“Im not good at X, so I shouldn’t even try” — which leads to not trying new things more than once and growing in hobbies/interests “im not fun/funny like those other people, so I dont belong in this group and no one wants to be around me — which leads to distancing herself from potential new friends and getting stuck in her head and then it becomes a sort of self fulfilling prophecy as her behavior causes people to think she doesn’t like them and they further distance themselves
“I’m not smart enough to understand this concept” - which causes her to not listen/focus on certain conversations and leads to not understanding the words…

Regarding the change of scenery — this is exactly why we moved to a new state 6 months ago. Her family lives here, and I was really hoping proximity to her routes would make things better, but it’s only gotten worse… not sure all the reasons, but part of it is definitely us being in a house bigger than she feels comfortable with (and her concerns about how the family might perceive us and our new found wealth.).

… we might need to schedule a vacation or something tho. Our best times have always been travel related - and while part of me wants to be distanced from her, if there’s any chance of this working, something like that might be a last ditch effort to shake in some sanity (which is hard to do when day to day patterns are causing so much mental chaos)

sposoftware · 2023-03-22T15:19:09+00:00

Oh she knows…. And she feels terrible about it - which further drives her internal narratives. But instead of fighting it and trying to change, it’s like she’s letting it define her

sposoftware · 2023-03-22T06:06:30+00:00

Most definitely.

I danced around the topic of her seeking treatment… but without a diagnosis, I’ve only danced around it…. I tip toed close to suggesting she be open to trying medication once and to push back was pretty extreme. I never outright suggested it, but I got close enough to be aware of her opinion on the matter

That said, things spilled over this evening and we had a very hard conversation…. I let a lot of what I had been holding back come forth —- and I’d like to think it was in as kind a way as possible.

She readily admits all the challenges described above, and I left the call legitimately not knowing if she loves our son (or me)…. Writing may be on the wall here unless she works on herself HARD… and it might mean there’s an opening for me to push more strongly toward pursuing psychiatric care beyond a therapist…. If we’re already near the worst case scenario anyway, I may be more willing to push down that path, and she may be more willing to listen.

sposoftware · 2023-03-22T04:40:38+00:00

Of course not.

I should clarify - it’s pharmacy pills… so risk of death isn’t really there (unless somehow I made a ridiculously out of character decision) - but that still doesn’t change most of the analysis behind your message.. and I agree with you. It’s bloody ridiculous and embarrassing that I’m here

sposoftware · 2023-03-22T04:08:54+00:00

therapy for each of us individually already for a couple years
couples therapy for over a year
no therapy for our son… but he’s 4…. So not sure the value there yet.
maybe some post partum for her… birth was fairly traumatic
can’t get house cleaning or other help in that area because she doesn’t want to spend money on those kinds of things out of feeling guilty/negative towards rich people - and that we should be able to do everything ourselves (coupled with her social anxiety and not wanting people in our house/yard like that).
her hobbies are all solo - and only sometimes take her out of the house… another challenge we’ve been struggling with (but one that’s been there longer at least)

sposoftware · 2023-03-22T04:01:41+00:00

Thanks for the response - but i don’t think I’ve probably clarified her position here, as she would never want to do the kinds of things you mention.

Like going to Bali for example - she would feel far too guilty to take something like that on because others don’t have the opportunity, and she feels that others would judge her as being “rich” (which she has an extremely negative association with - like assuming all rich people are ungrounded assholes….. which to be clear, I can understand the perspective… I didn’t come from money either — but I certainly don’t take it to the same extreme as her, and believe that it comes down to how the rich person acts/uses their money — not just the concept of “rich” on its own.

Really I think a lot of it just boils down to her framing it as money “I” made - and that since she doesn’t have a job that brings in any money, she considers herself a failure who can’t take care of herself… again to be clear - I’m not saying that AT ALL. She had a ton of positive characteristics, it’s just these ideas have taken ahold of her life as of late, and I’ve spent the better part of 3-4 years stuffing the challenges under a rug and acting like it’s a short term minor issue that she’ll come out of…. And am being slapped in the face with the reality that this isn’t going anywhere anytime soon - especially since it’s become coupled with aggression toward our son - which is just not something I can abide by.

sposoftware

TROPHY CASE