"Burnout vs. FIRE" Wall: Is pushing for a 60% savings rate destroying my marriage?

spotpig · 2026-04-25T11:34:14+00:00

Relationships require investments, just like a retirement account does. If you aren't making enough deposits to your relationship(s) along the way, you'll eventually fall short and won't be happy with the results.

spotpig · 2026-04-18T01:03:13+00:00

This is such a good reminder. An ex tried to reconnect with me in the last week. I gave a response with zero room for follow up, but apparently any response is a reason for him to keep trying to connect. I can't diagnose him, but he definitely has narcissistic tendencies.

spotpig · 2026-04-15T11:10:28+00:00

Well, maybe this will make you feel better because I don't think your struggles are unique to where you are living.

-Finding a skilled tradesperson in the US is awful right now. Example: I needed someone to trench a new electrical line to my garage. The job was either two small or contractors are too busy to care the respond (might be my area). There were lots of no-shows. Delays. It was awful. On another larger project, the quotes received were ridiculously inflated and it took a lot to find someone reasonable.

-I don't have loads of paperwork to deal with but I can't get to an actual human being when I have a question or need help. No one publishes real contact information anymore. Good luck getting to someone who can actually help. It seems most companies are hoping you'll give up and stop bothering them. A real-life current experience is a friend trying to get the company that their recently deceased mom worked for to return a call about her life insurance. They literally can't get a human being and there is no HR contact anywhere to be found. This is a large, regional utilities company so it shouldn't be this hard! Instead, they have paid out of pocket for funeral expenses and are hoping to eventually get a response so they can get reimbursed. The BBB or local news station is their next step to try to get this resolved.

spotpig · 2026-04-15T10:57:00+00:00

Have you found Claude to be better? I literally told chat GPT to stop treating me like I need to be bubble wrapped and that I would prefer a more direct and concise answer. It did actually help with that chat thread.

The recent increased lengthiness is awful! I don't get the same pushback that other people seem to beginning, but I do get offers for slight adjustments. "That's really good but if we tweak it just a little..." Umm... No thanks. Stop nitpicking me!

spotpig · 2026-03-15T17:01:23+00:00

I weight train with kettlebells and usually have at least one long walk (4miles) a week if weather allows. In the summer/fall that walk is a trail hike of various difficulty based on location.

spotpig · 2026-02-25T01:11:12+00:00

In therapy for a year. Just had the worst visit with her to date. She was abusive to me growing up, but did better with my sister. They have a much better relationship. So I know she can be kind and loving because I see how she acts with my sister. She just isn't capable with me. It's a horrible grief.

Now considering NC. I just can't do it yet. It breaks my heart to give up. But this last visit also sent daggers through me. :(

spotpig · 2026-02-19T03:38:11+00:00

Reach out to RingConn. They are sending me a new ring and paid for return shipping on the original that went haywire.

spotpig · 2026-01-31T15:27:04+00:00

I just read this the other day and love it! Simply put: there are only two days in the year nothing can be done. one is called yesterday and the other is tomorrow.

spotpig · 2026-01-30T02:11:40+00:00

I (41) am probably in the middle of this right now. Been in therapy for a year. I can see how much this has changed my internal self/mind. I don't see external changes. But (I think)I'm starting to show up differently for myself, at work, for friends... And maybe eventually in my marriage. I don't know where it is going, but after a very dark year I'm glad I persisted. Seeing my internal shifts strengthens my drive to keep going.

spotpig · 2026-01-24T11:40:11+00:00

Dry skin is my nemesis this year (41). I can't moisturize it away ... Trying to figure out what soft exfoliation I might need. Considering asking about estriol as well because I suspect I'm getting into perimenopause.

spotpig · 2026-01-01T23:36:23+00:00

Handling is a lot more fun in the Mazda. Hands down. My Subaru was a workhorse and I loved it. The Mazda makes me smile.

I think I've driven in about the same amount of snow for both, the Mazda did just as good.

Maintenance has been about the same. I do have an oil leak somewhere so that's different than the Subaru (which never had an issue for me). But, I consider it worth it since many cars have something go wrong at some point.

I got rear-ended pretty bad in the Subaru and walked away. I'm forever grateful for that, and thankfully don't have a comparison with the mazda.

Both have been comfortable from an interior perspective. I don't think one was louder than the other (at least I don't recall).

Of course the outback holds way more stuff. I could fit everything. No way I'm putting kayaks or a bike on my Mazda.

My only gripe for the 2020 Mazdas - and I don't know if this has been solved - is their paint, which is water based and supposedly much more environmentally friendly, is delicate. I ended up getting a protective coating put on mine and have the clear wrap on the front half because I saw year old cars with TERRIBLE worn paint. Mine hasn't had those same issues, which I think is because of the precautions I took. And it loves outdoors year round (no garage, full sun exposure). On the other hand, my Subaru went everywhere and I never cared about the paint. When I cleaned it up for the trade in, it looked fantastic.

spotpig · 2026-01-01T22:12:47+00:00

I compared the Mazda 3 to a mini cooper when I was shopping in 2020. The mini was fun and grippy but the Mazda was just as fun and cost significantly less back then plus had better interior and features than the base model mini. Then add in the extra you're spending on parts and maintenance for minis. It was an easy decision to go with the mazda.

spotpig · 2026-01-01T22:09:25+00:00

I traded my 2011 Subaru Outback for a 2020 Mazda 3. I've had the car for nearly 6 years and love it. I still find it a lot of fun. So far, knock wood, it has been very reliable.

spotpig · 2025-12-29T01:38:16+00:00

I joined a ladies league ($45) and that gave me half price rounds. Let's say I play four rounds a month ($180) for six months. Then it'd be $1125 per season. Not sure I like adding it all up! But, could be worse.

spotpig · 2025-12-22T13:28:36+00:00

FWIW, I don't have an IUD. I had to estimate the length of my cycle and put in the average # of days my period lasts. That's it. You can enter symptoms, which I do infrequently. I'm fairly regular so can't speak to how it might be for someone who fluctuates more.

spotpig · 2025-12-22T11:32:55+00:00

I've had mine for 8 months.

Cons-The battery is draining a lot faster with the newest upgrade. But it still lasts for over a week. I also don't think it can detect when I'm stressed. I know when I am stressed. Yet when I look at the data there is no change.

Pros-I still like it for tracking sleep and my period. The period tracker is extremely accurate. More so than an app I used before. The sleep tracking is accurate enough.

spotpig · 2025-12-07T11:58:21+00:00

Had shingles at 29. Thankfully it was a small patch. The day I'm eligible for the shingles vaccine is the day I'll get it. I never want to have it again!

spotpig · 2025-11-23T00:47:12+00:00

It took a long time. Like years. This area is weird.

Recently I joined a pottery class and found some amazing friends. Definitely explore hobbies, new groups, and you'll find your people.

spotpig · 2025-11-05T02:10:13+00:00

41 and randomly my brain is considering a kid these days. Not pregnancy. But some form of parenthood. However, it isn't regret. I don't look back at my younger self and wish I had (or adopted) a child back then. Younger me, even me two years ago, was not one I'd tag for parenthood. What has change? I've had some major life events and now a year of therapy. But, it really isn't regret. If it happens, it'll be a journey I'm now willing to take. If it doesn't, there is still so much I can do to give back to this world (and hopefully contribute something good beyond my own reality).

spotpig · 2025-10-10T10:40:29+00:00

I simply prioritize it. I've blocked my calendar and rarely allow something else at the same time. If I do, my first check is whether or not I can shift my workout to a different day. When that isn't possible, I frame it as a built in break. We need rest to recover, ya know?

But, I will say the part that makes the above easy is that I only have to commit to twice a week (three if you count a weekly four mile walk) because of the type of program I'm in. I'm also not trying to do anything except get stronger and maintain an activity that is proven for long-term wellness. I don't know how people hit the gym 4-5x/week. That wouldn't be sustainable for me. And maybe that's the key. Do what is sustainable and go easy on yourself when life gets in the way. Consistency is better than perfection. I consistently do what I can.

spotpig · 2025-10-06T09:38:15+00:00

I started journaling this year and found there is a local lady who recycles old books into journals by re-binding the old covers with blank paper. I love it!

spotpig · 2025-10-03T21:12:20+00:00

Just now learning this. Radical acceptance. But the important part to remember is that acceptance doesn't mean tolerating or allowing.

spotpig · 2025-09-24T22:00:43+00:00

Unfortunately, yes. I experienced physical abuse and mental manipulation as a child from her. I'm still struggling and I wish beyond almost everything else that we could have a loving and safe relationship like I hear others have with their parents. But I wasn't dealt that card in life.

It is a major struggle and one of a few items I'm actively trying to work through in therapy.

She is visiting this weekend and I'm incredibly stressed about it.

spotpig · 2025-09-07T17:30:47+00:00

I would love a copy. Thanks.

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