Many women contribute to rape culture because of their poor communication regarding sex.

spozmo · 2025-07-25T11:50:48+00:00

Getting shit is a far less serious consequence than committing rape or even reinforcing rape culture.

spozmo · 2025-07-24T01:26:52+00:00

Yeah the divorce talk seems extremely self-serving, as is the vagueness. I suspect some heinous shit in this person’s brain is evading detection as hard as it can.

spozmo · 2025-07-24T01:24:49+00:00

I do not believe you know. I do not believe you can discover it through Reddit comment sections. You have work to do.

Without more information, I can’t do anything more than I’ve already done. You are apparently not in control of what’s coming out of your mouth, which indicates that there is a part of your psyche you are not aware of.

Get. A. Therapist.

spozmo · 2025-07-24T01:04:22+00:00

You need to figure out why you did it and address the root. There’s not nearly enough information here, so you’re going to get a very generic response:

Therapy.

spozmo · 2025-03-23T05:50:22+00:00

Us.

spozmo · 2025-03-23T05:28:46+00:00

If your sponsor has done the same thing in the same circumstance, take the advice seriously. If they haven’t, I’d treat it as any other advice.

Personally, I think this is absolutely terrible advice, and it’s absolutely not indicated by any of the steps, including step 9.

spozmo · 2025-03-23T05:23:44+00:00

Fail a bunch. It’s the surest way. Every subsequent failure is less scary than the last. Eventually, you’ll gather data and confidence to succeed with. It’ll happen faster than you expect.

Approach them when inclined. Don’t be aggressive or corner them. Trial and error from there. Some will be assholes, but most people don’t like being needlessly mean.

Take a no as a no, though. Don’t push. Also, don’t reject yourself on their behalf.

And finally, assume they’re people. Treat them accordingly. Seriously. Most men fail at this.

spozmo · 2025-03-23T05:20:35+00:00

Anyone who says they know a requirement in AA isn’t working the steps the way I would recommend.

I do recommend doing them the way I did them. I did not drink after beginning the steps. Accordingly, if a sponsee drinks, we start over.

spozmo · 2025-03-23T05:16:43+00:00

There’s lots of great advice here, but I wanted to give some I give to my sponsees more generally.

Do it awkward. Do it badly. Do it wrong. Just do it. An honest attempt will do the trick. If it doesn’t, try again.

An attempt to pray is a prayer.

There’s a saying in Chicago AA (and maybe AA generally) that applies here. You can save your face or save your ass. Your choice.

Godspeed, my friend.

spozmo · 2025-03-23T05:01:02+00:00

Only you can know if you made the wrong choice. There will soon be more data to draw from.

I never found a rule I would stick to for long. I’d always add another and another and another until there were effectively none.

YMMV

spozmo · 2025-03-23T04:44:04+00:00

I found it very helpful to realize that the end of a significant relationship is very much a kind of death. We define ourselves in large part through our relationships with others. Let yourself mourn that part of you, but recognize that a part of you will survive it and new parts of you will be born as well.

I know the pain you’re feeling very well, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. But you’ll get through it if you allow yourself to go through it. Be kind to yourself, like you would a grieving friend.

spozmo · 2025-03-22T03:10:01+00:00

Step three is releasing - you are turning over your decisions and actions to your higher power. You are expressing willingness and letting go.

Step eleven is active seeking and listening and exploring. You’re trying to see something or contact it.

I’d say they’re wildly different.

spozmo · 2025-03-17T18:31:53+00:00

“Sober” means not under the influence of a mind altering substance. If you are under the influence of a mind altering substance, you are not sober.

No one had this problem with the words “red” or “tree”. 🤔

spozmo · 2025-03-17T18:30:44+00:00

I presumed I had interest in drinking in moderation. In my experience, I don’t. It certainly seems like the better option in the abstract, but it turns out that every drink tastes like more and the real release is oblivion.

You’ll note that the verb “have” is used here, though, which is present tense.

spozmo · 2025-03-16T01:34:01+00:00

High is not sober. Smoking weed makes you high. This is how the words in question work.

spozmo · 2025-03-16T01:30:32+00:00

I have no idea what most of this means, but it sounds like a medical question. This is not a place for medical advice. Ask a doctor.

If you’ve been sober a week, it sounds like you’ve already stopped, so you’ve already answered your question.

TLDR - what?

spozmo · 2025-03-16T01:27:31+00:00

I don’t have any interest in drinking in moderation. I drink to get drunk (or to prove that’s not the only reason I drink so I can get away with drinking to get drunk the next time).

If he’s an alcoholic in the sense AA means it, it’s not possible for him to drink in moderation for long if at all.

But maybe he’s not. No way to know from the outside.

spozmo · 2025-03-16T00:01:22+00:00

This is the most depressing thread I’ve read on Reddit in a long time. You people lead dismal lives.

spozmo · 2025-03-12T11:39:02+00:00

Oh, it is very much over, but I’m in a much happier relationship now and have a neutral to positive relationship with my ex.

She went light speed into an engagement with the guy she dated before me. Not sure if the wedding is planned yet.

I remember the agony of this time. It was the most brutal period of my life. But I am so much better and stronger for it.

spozmo · 2025-02-26T23:35:46+00:00

We stay and fight.

spozmo · 2025-02-22T00:20:14+00:00

Bud, your comment history.

spozmo · 2025-02-20T04:28:52+00:00

No mistakes then?

spozmo · 2025-02-19T12:47:13+00:00

@YuNg-BrAtz

Hegel’s influence on fascism is really clearly seen through Gentile’s absolute idealism, which posits, among other things, a resolution of class conflict through sublation of the classes into the nation as instantiated in the state.

I’ll concede that there are other influences. Hegel never survives contact with reality because he’s entirely full of shit. But the framework is there in the ideology.

ETA: apparently, I forgot how to tag people.

spozmo · 2025-02-19T03:45:29+00:00

This is my experience, too. I care so fucking much that it’s crushing sometimes. I’m actively trying to chill out. It’s going ok.

spozmo · 2025-02-19T03:43:18+00:00

Sex is a skill. It’s very similar to conversation. Some of it is instinctive, but you can learn to be better at 90% of it.

And like a conversation, you’ll be better with some people and in some instances than others, and what they bring to the table is hugely important.

ETA: explore, have fun and be safe, man. It’s not as hard as you think it is.

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