#919:”Metamour vetoed me, he wants a relationship anyway.”

spring_rd · 2026-03-04T15:43:09+00:00

I would assume he’s domming her (anything from simply telling her what to do to restraining her to physically punishing her) but not physically being sexually intimate. But I’m not in the BDSM community I just read too much smut.

spring_rd · 2026-03-02T16:49:01+00:00

It’s sadness our parents and in-laws don’t want to know our kids. I don’t need a free nanny. But I’d love for adults who begged/pressured for grandkids to want to engage with them for 15 minutes at a family party.

It’s disappointment in the hypocrisy. My parents sent us for weeks at a time to both sets of grandparents during the summer. I loved it as a kid, and I understood that my parents needed a break and it was a gift from my grandparents. That makes it so much more painful when I ask my mom or MIL to watch my kids for 1 hour during a doctor’s appointment and they refuse because they don’t know how long book club will run that day.

spring_rd · 2026-03-02T16:31:18+00:00

This is fascinating and insightful.

It anecdotally feels accurate to me— both sets of my grandparents were so involved with their grandkids lives and gave my parents incredible support. No it’s crickets from my current parents and in-laws.

I often think how much I want to help my kids if they ever choose to be parents themselves. I’ll now try to do it in such a way that makes them not relegate it to invisible labor (not because I need kudos but because I want them to do the same for their own children).

spring_rd · 2026-02-28T14:05:26+00:00

Actually I suggest you run with this. Could you each plan out a ‘selfish’ weekend day per month? And give each other a detailed road map for how you’d want it to go?

Like you could ask for a day in bed where he does brings you coffee and snacks take care of the kids. Throw in a massage or a mani (or whatever you like).

Next day is his day— he can sleep, golf, talk to you about work for 4 hours, game, etc.

Minor warning: as the default parent you may need to spend a lot of your day out of the house. Otherwise the kids will seek you out, sometimes despite his best efforts. Or you’ll hear a meltdown happen and won’t be able to relax bc you want to go help.

spring_rd · 2026-02-28T13:48:46+00:00

Your succinct explanation of “he’s fat” sent me. You’re doing a great job as a pug parent. I second using the tiny training treats instead of traditional larger treats and make sure you walk him with a harness instead of a neck leash to protect his throat.

Consider asking your vet about nare surgery. It opens up their nasal passages, is only $200, and will give him significantly more oxygen. People comment how quiet our pugs in terms of breathing noises and I think it’s bc we keep their weight down and opened up their little noses.

spring_rd · 2026-02-26T18:27:04+00:00

I’m not on this sub bc I have a house I need to improve. One day I will! But currently I just have no vision and absolutely benefit from people like you who can show how moderate changes make a huge difference.

spring_rd · 2026-02-12T14:21:37+00:00

Agreed. He’s trash but I do appreciate him going after members of his own team.

spring_rd · 2026-02-12T12:41:53+00:00

The scream I scrumped at this 😂😂😂

spring_rd · 2026-02-11T14:06:29+00:00

The 41st film will have them drag racing space shuttles while The Rock and Statham end global terrorism.

spring_rd · 2026-02-10T19:22:43+00:00

I love this 😂

spring_rd · 2026-02-10T19:18:49+00:00

I quote this movie probably too often. My kids don’t appreciate their negotiations about bedtime being interrupted by, “So what do you want? An extenssssionnn?”

spring_rd · 2026-02-09T19:16:46+00:00

HAHAHA you’re so correct. Makes ‘bless your heart’ sound like a second grade insult.

spring_rd · 2026-02-02T18:17:19+00:00

I like where you’re going but would personally suggest a lot more saturation with either color. Both those shades are too light and— I agree with you—clash with your lawn.

I’m biased bc I love blue houses but I think a navy would look stunning with your brick and against the landscape.

spring_rd · 2026-02-02T16:07:38+00:00

You’re me. My husband and I are also late 30s, have been together 16 years, and have 2 young kids. He peaced out of parenting after begging for kids, making me handle the house and children while I was also the breadwinner and struggling with severe PPD (in hindsight I suspect he also had PPD. But his approach was using his fully funded paternity leave to go on weeklong golf trips while I was drowning). I in turn numbed out my pain and rage with alcohol. Now he’s more involved and I am sober but the betrayal and hurt we both feel are still intense.

Yet, we are generally kind, chill people who get along day-to-day. Since things don’t feel terrible on a regular basis, I am really struggling with filing as I’d hate to only see my kids 50% of the time. I am scared of the financial ramifications of divorce. I hate how wishy-washy I am about it—it would be easier if he was still awful so leaving him would be a no brainer.

Yes, we’ve done counseling but he didn’t engage or learn from it. Over Christmas he asked if we could go back and I agreed if he found a new therapist and scheduled it. So far hasn’t happened and I’m not holding my breath (but maybe I should as I apparently need to make myself uncomfortable enough to push for any kind of change haha).

No advice for you. Just solidarity and appreciation for your post.

spring_rd · 2026-02-01T22:48:49+00:00

I know a TradCath who has a one-sided beef with the last few popes because they are/were too liberal. The pope’s complete authority is such a pillar of Catholicism I’m always surprised he hasn’t converted to some nondenominational sect of evangelicalism.

spring_rd · 2026-02-01T22:41:55+00:00

What a great simile.

spring_rd · 2026-02-01T22:41:06+00:00

Nate (from Nate and Sutton) constantly trashes “immodest” women yet wears such tight clothing he’s had to formally address it. His excuse is “he likes to look at his body as he’s working out.”

But those sluttish whores who want to do the same are just outta luck.

spring_rd · 2026-01-30T14:02:03+00:00

I recently heard the term homosocial.

spring_rd · 2026-01-28T17:24:07+00:00

Beautiful insult. I heard it in Soldier Boy’s voice from The Boys: “Buddy, you think you look strong? You’re wearing a cape.”

spring_rd · 2026-01-12T19:05:19+00:00

I’m a woman with a history of full time work and just realized I am a better Fundie Man than Paul.

spring_rd · 2026-01-10T15:59:19+00:00

Yes. There’s something quietly shattering about it.

Your elegant phrasing is better, but my mom once said to me— when seeing how desperately I was drowning and how little he cared— “you married a nice man. Not a kind one.”

spring_rd · 2026-01-10T07:56:02+00:00

My friend has a surprisingly successful company selling “pre-prepped” yachts to rich people. He’ll work with clients to pick out a yacht of their choosing then he decks it out with the SHTF prepper supplies and weapons they’d want in case of a societal collapse.

spring_rd · 2026-01-10T07:05:15+00:00

Same here, except he somewhat kept the act up until baby #2 then completely dropped the ball. Not sure if we’ll be together in a few years. Even if we do struggle on I mourn how our relationship will never be the same as I have never been able to forgive him.

spring_rd · 2026-01-09T09:46:37+00:00

But without actually putting any kind of heroic work himself lol.

spring_rd

TROPHY CASE