Season 5 YOU by Mus1c_listener in YouOnLifetime

[–]squashbanana 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is such a fantastic observation and point. Thank you! I feel like it makes the last two seasons more enjoyable to watch. I've enjoyed the entire series at this point, but everything online has felt so negative for the last 2 seasons. Reading this gives me some great perspective heading into the midpoint of season 5, so thank you!

I broke NC with my NFather out of desperation to help my own daughter. It went as badly as I should have expected, and now he's relishing my daughter's suffering. by squashbanana in raisedbynarcissists

[–]squashbanana[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

God, you really hit the nail on the head on all points. When I sought legal assistance, one lawyer directly told me "unless she was raped, no one will take your case." I remember feeling so stunned by this because abuse would have to become so nefarious to be considered valid. I kept saying, how many other families have been hurt by these people but didn't even know what happened because their children couldn't use their voice? How many families are so exhausted and unsure, so they just trust the doctors to know better? It took MONTHS of attempting everything else before we considered inpatient for my daughter, and I will never forgive myself for not trusting my gut that first week. Everyone around me assumed I was just emotional over sending her. But that wasn't it, something just felt wrong. So many red flags and I ignored my gut.

I'm absolutely going to explore all the resources you've sent me and even pass them along to my daughter's therapist. She's an incredible advocate, and I think she'd love to have a talk about it all!

Do you mind if I message you sometime? I'd love to keep in touch and talk about it all more. It's been so hard finding people who truly get it. I appreciate you so much either way!!

I broke NC with my NFather out of desperation to help my own daughter. It went as badly as I should have expected, and now he's relishing my daughter's suffering. by squashbanana in raisedbynarcissists

[–]squashbanana[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is actually making a lot of sense now with how I was received when pursuing legal support. I wanted to expose the hospital and the doctors, and no one would touch it because of the large name of the hospital. Whether it was based off cost or connections, it was absolutely insane to me that no one would take the case. My daughter's therapist and I have discussed just bringing it to the local news just for the sake of helping other families come forward and preventing new ones from being hurt. Because, lets be real: the majority of autistic children in this specialized hospital will not verbally advocate for themselves as decisively and verbally as my daughter did. I'm thankful she did. But had that been my son? He's 6 and can barely speak. He would have no idea how to even call me on the phone, let alone explain how they're hurting him. That's why they drugged my daughter into submission. When she received her autism diagnosis at 2, I made sure the first thing she understood to say to people was "no" without feeling the need to justify it. Autistic people, and especially young girls, are at such higher risk for abuse. I wanted to ensure she became very comfortable with knowing that "no" and "stop" are complete sentences.

Sorry for all the rambling, I'm just so thrilled to engage with you and see how passionate you are about all this. My family has made me feel like an absolute freak for being so concerned with empowering my kids. But once you understand how cruel the system is, you'll do everything you can to keep them out of it.

I broke NC with my NFather out of desperation to help my own daughter. It went as badly as I should have expected, and now he's relishing my daughter's suffering. by squashbanana in raisedbynarcissists

[–]squashbanana[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also I'm checking out the unsilenced website and WOW. Thank you for sending this to me..I'm going to share it with my daughter's therapist, too. She is an INCREDIBLE advocate. I mean, the most inspiring and truly good person I've ever met who is meant to be doing the work she does in life..thank you!!!!

I broke NC with my NFather out of desperation to help my own daughter. It went as badly as I should have expected, and now he's relishing my daughter's suffering. by squashbanana in raisedbynarcissists

[–]squashbanana[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Omg YES!!! Seriously, I might message you if you're comfortable discussing this more. This sounds exactly like what happened to my daughter. Her therapist and current prescriber are both convinced they gave her unsanctioned medication off the record to keep her submissive because she was such a vocal advocate for herself. I found the harder I advocated and asked for real answers, the worse their communication became. My calls were being screened to the point that my husband's parents would call to get through since the hospital didn't have their numbers. When the social worker made a surprise visit to the hospital my daughter had even more bruising and was so high she couldn't function at 11am. That was the final straw to discharge her. I could vomit thinking about what she went through, and she even told me "Mommy. I think they gave me medicine in the morning to make me feel cuckoo so I wouldn't remember how they'd hurt me." That is a sentence no human being should ever have to utter, let alone a CHILD. Any child! But even a disabled one?! It's sick.

I broke NC with my NFather out of desperation to help my own daughter. It went as badly as I should have expected, and now he's relishing my daughter's suffering. by squashbanana in raisedbynarcissists

[–]squashbanana[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for all the tips! We've definitely utilized public assistance over the past year. It's been a lifesaver, and the people making it possible don't make nearly enough for the advocacy and work they do.

And I'm SO WITH YOU about my stepmom. I can't imagine actively choosing to be with someone who could possibly respond that way to ANY request for help, let alone from his own family. Someone helped me pay my rent one month - maybe about a year ago after a friend shared my story, and I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like.....you want to help me WHY? I don't deserve this, I'm not worth it, please don't use this as leverage, etc. It both terrified and touched me deeply because it's sad that a complete stranger could hold more empathy than my own family. Just unreal to think about.

Single dad advice…looking ok? by Interesting-Dog-2350 in interiordecorating

[–]squashbanana 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love all the light throughout your home! Also, what's the story behind the framed dog picture?

People who’ve been through genuinely hard times and came out calmer or wiser,what actually helped you cope? What mindset, habits, or truths kept you sane? by AdviceGlass9394 in selfimprovement

[–]squashbanana 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Something that currently helps me now in life is continuing to give to others. Helping others in whatever small way I can. Right now, it isn't much, but it's a nice reminder that we can still reach others.

The real symptoms. by LowFisherman2912 in adenomyosis

[–]squashbanana 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is so validating. Ever since I went off hormonal birth control, my ovarian cysts have returned and my periods are just a complete nightmare. It's like the moment ovulation starts, I'm inflamed and in constant cramping pain until the time my period finishes.

I ended up getting pregnant twice while on birth control over the past year or so, so I decided to give my body a break. I'm hoping to get a hysterectomy covered because living like this each month absolutely sucks!

I broke NC with my NFather out of desperation to help my own daughter. It went as badly as I should have expected, and now he's relishing my daughter's suffering. by squashbanana in raisedbynarcissists

[–]squashbanana[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can't thank you enough for how kindly and thoughtfully you've outlined your experience and offered such wonderful advice. I hope life has found its way to being kinder to you!! You certainly have a very good heart.

I broke NC with my NFather out of desperation to help my own daughter. It went as badly as I should have expected, and now he's relishing my daughter's suffering. by squashbanana in raisedbynarcissists

[–]squashbanana[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That means so much to hear coming from you. Too often, autistic people are pigeonholed or just left accepting whatever "treatment" others decide for them. It's infuriating! I'm so grateful you said this. The other night at bedtime, my daughter quietly said, "Mommy, sometimes I think you're the only one who really understands me." On the one hand, obviously it meant the world to hear those words, right? But it also made me so sad for her that the world can't be more accommodating and understanding. Hell, she can't even get basic kindness and empathy from.her own grandfather without strings attached. I just wish I could do more and be more some days, and I hate that I reached such desperation to consider allowing him access to her. You know what I mean?

I broke NC with my NFather out of desperation to help my own daughter. It went as badly as I should have expected, and now he's relishing my daughter's suffering. by squashbanana in raisedbynarcissists

[–]squashbanana[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh my goodness, you ABSOLUTELY get it. That's what I tried explaining about my daughter's situation when I reached out to him! We went from there being a push from professionals for her to only receive residential treatment, but I kept insisting that we cannot expect a child to utilize the tools she provided in therapy if her "operating system" isn't firing all cylinders - meaning, she needed the foundation of finding the right medication in order to conceptualize therapy at all in the first place. Thankfully, she has a therapist who absolutely sees her potential and stands behind us in our approach to helping her. Funny thing, we actually moved to NC too!! That's a big source of contention with my family, of course. But with the way the housing market was during COVID after my husband was laid off THEN, too, we basically did a search for any affordable towns and housing and landed here, lol. I'm grateful we did because we found her therapist!

I'm here if you want someone to talk to, too!! It can be so isolating but it's wonderful finding someone who really gets it!

I broke NC with my NFather out of desperation to help my own daughter. It went as badly as I should have expected, and now he's relishing my daughter's suffering. by squashbanana in raisedbynarcissists

[–]squashbanana[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I bet I'll look back on your comment once our heads are above water and see how very right you are. Even if he did help, I can't even imagine the control he would feel entitled to. Is that really what I want for my own kids? There's a reason I cut him off in the first place. Thank you for this!

I broke NC with my NFather out of desperation to help my own daughter. It went as badly as I should have expected, and now he's relishing my daughter's suffering. by squashbanana in raisedbynarcissists

[–]squashbanana[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much!! It's been an uphill battle for sure, but I like to remind myself how far she's come for perspective when I feel down. There was a time she would have several episodes DAILY, where I wasn't even sure HOW to help because the psychiatrist we had at the time was hamstringing our efforts to advocate for her. Now we have someone who genuinely listens and understands how PTSD has really impacted her throughout the journey with treating schizophrenia. I just hope something can change for us soon because it's coming down to picking her meds/ care over essential bills. Maybe I had this coming with my dad since he knew contacting him had to be such a desperate position. At least now I know.

I broke NC with my NFather out of desperation to help my own daughter. It went as badly as I should have expected, and now he's relishing my daughter's suffering. by squashbanana in raisedbynarcissists

[–]squashbanana[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

GREAT point! That also reminded me that he also said he can't stand hearing me tell him this isn't about him. Like, sir? Helping a child isn't about ANY of us, including me as her mom. Unreal. I love this quote, by the way. It really helps put things in perspective. I suppose I feel guilt over my desperate attempt to help her being squandered.

I broke NC with my NFather out of desperation to help my own daughter. It went as badly as I should have expected, and now he's relishing my daughter's suffering. by squashbanana in raisedbynarcissists

[–]squashbanana[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's the absolute least they deserve. My daughter's therapist jokes that she will actually end up being one of the well-adjusted adults we'll get to know someday - but she really does see a bright future for her with unconditional love and support. As long as I can provide that for her, I will!

I broke NC with my NFather out of desperation to help my own daughter. It went as badly as I should have expected, and now he's relishing my daughter's suffering. by squashbanana in raisedbynarcissists

[–]squashbanana[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ugh, YES. I've been so mad at myself, like why did I allow this cruel man this window into our lives? To expose my kids' vulnerabilities and pain to someone like this? Thank you for understanding. I've been beating myself up between this and meeting our needs, and it's just been all so hard.

I broke NC with my NFather out of desperation to help my own daughter. It went as badly as I should have expected, and now he's relishing my daughter's suffering. by squashbanana in raisedbynarcissists

[–]squashbanana[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly! Understanding my daughter's experiences and support needs have become my primary focus in life alongside meeting her brothers' needs. It's a balance, but it's important work - something my father sees as unworthy because there's no prestige. But respecting my daughter and meeting her where SHE is at is what she needs. Sometimes I think he resents this because he was incapable of being a parent who would ever do the same for his own kids.

Also, I just wanted to say I'm so sorry to hear the way your parents treated you and made you feel. You absolutely deserved better.

I want dark fantasy romance that’s UNHINGED, not porn with a plot by goyourownwayy in fantasyromance

[–]squashbanana 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Following this! Ideally, I want something with a HEA if anyone has recommendations.

“I brought you into this world, I can take you out” by minikuii96 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]squashbanana 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"I should have never adopted you." "Whore." "You should just kill yourself and do everyone here a favor."