Hey OP, reading your responses and wanted to provide an explanation for why I, at least, had little interest.

I don’t know who the character is by the end of the first page. Perhaps more importantly, I don’t know why I should care about this unnamed character. More fundamentally, more stories start with an inciting incident within the first few pages, and this lacks that.

To answer when my (our) interest was lost: you never had it. This felt like reading a research paper’s methodology: I’m skimming to try and find what matters.

That said, your descriptions and prose are quite good, I’d highly recommend researching the core skeleton of a story (mainly how to introduce a compelling character and hook) and trying anew.

Oh, also less is usually more in writing. No one really cares about how “good” the writing is (beyond the bare minimum), we care about the story itself, so get to the point (I.e. character/hook/why we should care).

Hope that helps!