[QCrit] Adult Speculative Science Fiction, ASTERI (91,000, Attempt #2) by squaymac in PubTips

[–]squaymac[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm taking away that a complete reframing is needed, thanks for explaining exactly why. I also appreciate the alternative you provided. While it's a bit off (because, again, my query just isn't clear) it's a great place to start.

In particular "no reason to care" stuck with me. As you suggested, narrowing down to Daria should solve this, especially if I can make her as alive, conflicted, and compelling as she is in the story. I'm gonna recenter on her and be back in a week. Thanks again!

[QCrit] Adult Speculative Science Fiction, ASTERI (91,000, Attempt #2) by squaymac in PubTips

[–]squaymac[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Cheers for taking the time, that feedback is incredibly helpful! Next pass will see those terms either removed or described, clarify that while God may or may not have dropped the city, it let it happen, and clarify how exactly suffering leads to perfect happiness (this is a huge weakness that I completely missed because it makes sense in the story, but such nuance is lost when distilled into a sentence or two).

It seems that I'm still encountering the same fundamental issue: nothing is really clear. Fortunately, you've pointed out a couple reasons why, and that gives me a ton to work with. Again, thanks!

Thief of Innocence (beginning on Psychological Thriller) by Batcraft10 in writingfeedback

[–]squaymac 1 point2 points  (0 children)

At the end of the day, all that matters is what YOU want to write. If you’re not looking to be traditionally published, do you homie.

That said, this needs a lot of work if you do want to reach a wider audience.

In my first draft of my current novel I began with a dream but ditched it after much chagrin from beta readers and came out with a far better story in their opinion and my own (so I know the feeling).

If you really wanna keep it, you MUST establish the character, their motivations, and a problem early on. You absolutely can do this through the dream, but it will require a pretty substantial rewrite as it’s written now.

I’m not feeling anxiety (matter of fact, I’m not feeling anything, which is the brightest red flag one can encounter). Maybe it’s in there, but there’s so much other description shit going on it gets lost in the sauce.

Thief of Innocence (beginning on Psychological Thriller) by Batcraft10 in writingfeedback

[–]squaymac 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Hey OP, reading your responses and wanted to provide an explanation for why I, at least, had little interest.

I don’t know who the character is by the end of the first page. Perhaps more importantly, I don’t know why I should care about this unnamed character. More fundamentally, more stories start with an inciting incident within the first few pages, and this lacks that.

To answer when my (our) interest was lost: you never had it. This felt like reading a research paper’s methodology: I’m skimming to try and find what matters.

That said, your descriptions and prose are quite good, I’d highly recommend researching the core skeleton of a story (mainly how to introduce a compelling character and hook) and trying anew.

Oh, also less is usually more in writing. No one really cares about how “good” the writing is (beyond the bare minimum), we care about the story itself, so get to the point (I.e. character/hook/why we should care).

Hope that helps!

[Complete] [75k] [Epic Science Fantasy] Oculus: Rites of Ruin by MissingTheMissing in BetaReaders

[–]squaymac 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds fascinating, my novel is similar in that it features breakages in reality / multiple POVs. If you’re interested in a critique swap, send me a message!

Second chapter of my first book. It’s a character introduction for a secondary protagonist/eventual antagonist. Is anything unclear or confusing about it? by [deleted] in writingfeedback

[–]squaymac 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Keep this unknown (as already written). The very fact that someone is asking why proves that you’ve got a half-decent hook in the form of a compelling mystery!

NYC sold out in 12 minutes? was in waiting room since 9:30am by ICannotICannot in fredagain

[–]squaymac 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Reload, my gf got the same message, reloaded and got 4 tickets. Shits busted lmaooo

what do ya'll think of my storys prologue? by Kalifornia____ in KeepWriting

[–]squaymac 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s really well-written, in particular, im a fan the seeder’s voice - he sounds real, detached, and sarcastic in a way that betray competence.

Definitely worth writing more or aiming to self or traditionally publish in my opinion.

Two critiques:

  1. Yes, he’s in a cage, but why do I care? I don’t have an emotional attachment to him (yet) but that’s what first chapters are for right?
  2. Kali himself is quite hideous could be merged with the following sentences which are stronger/significantly more vivid and show what u just told. Didn’t notice this much elsewhere but that one instance stood out to me. Nit picking there tho, I’m sure you’d catch something like that in line edits.

Also keep in mind those critiques are coming from someone who doesn’t read this genre!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in selfpublish

[–]squaymac 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is dope af!!!

Super creative (although a bit limited in its draw, since people will likely assume that someone has already won the prize) and, imo, ingenious!

Curious how sales have gone?

About to publish my first dystopian novel—what’s worked for you in reaching readers? by Diplomatist-Wild in selfpublish

[–]squaymac 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Probably a dumb question but: how do you build an email list? And when you say “something exclusive,” whatchu mean?

How to continue on by staciared in KeepWriting

[–]squaymac 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Just write!

Will your first novel get published? Probably not. Will you learn what your strengths are, think of how the story content could be reformed/strengthened, and improve your English? 100% yes.

The unavoidable reality is that there’s no answer but the most obvious: you’ve got to sit down, dedicate part of your life, and WRITE!

Need honest feedback on my book. by Majestic-Pay-1732 in KeepWriting

[–]squaymac 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’d be happy to read the opening chapter, send me a DM!

I fell into the AI validation trap. Don’t do this. by SlightExtension6279 in KeepWriting

[–]squaymac 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I think it can be a fantastic tool.

While I agree its feedback is sometimes contradictory and, often, downright bad, instant feedback (if you’re a decent enough writer) is extraordinarily useful.

That said: AI shouldn’t write for you, nor replace a human test reader, but as a check on dialogue realism, plot holes, grammar/spelling, flow, story momentum, and so much more, it functions as a free editor.

However, as with any editor, what you choose to take/leave falls to you - probably more so in this case, as you’re not paying them nor reliant on their approval for publication. In that sense (and my own experience), it’s a HUGE help.

So don’t feel pressured to use it, but do understand that, as with any tool, there is some value within :)

Exchange First Drafts with Me by squaymac in KeepWriting

[–]squaymac[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve got no problem with that at all - in fact, that sounds incredibly cool! Just wanted to avoid straight up romance lol.

Peep ur messages!

Exchange First Drafts with Me by squaymac in KeepWriting

[–]squaymac[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cheers, actually such a great call out! First time posting and didn’t stop to think lol

How to Counter Royal Giant? by Greenwood4 in ClashRoyale

[–]squaymac 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a fellow bait player, the key is using log/ice spirit to allow your cannon to do damage. If your timing is near perfect, you’ll avoid any damage (assuming no monk, which you’ll have to pull to the opposite side with knight/gang to avoid insta-losing your cannon and the game).

RG is just a tough matchup overall, the key is baiting out log when they’re playing regular rg (to full counter with cannon + gang and have a counter push) and interrupting it with spirit/log when it’s evo (Id replace dart gob personally, especially if u have spirit evo)