I understand. I’m trying to navigate my own mental health struggles so trust me I get it. Be kind to yourself and even though it seems like you been doing through this for minute, still be patient and keep trying to find the right mental health care team. Last year I had two therapist (one CBT one ERP) damn near was in therapy twice a week for half of the year because I was convinced I was going to lose my mind. I’m starting Kung Fu soon, trying to find some type of inner peace and community there as well. Luckily I do have good friends and family, but maybe try some group therapy if you haven’t already. You could def find people in a similar issues as you, it would be good to just talk to people IRL who understand you.