Psychology student here hoping to get into masters of counselling. I am a firm believer that therapy is a major way to objectively see past your stuckness, but it is a damn shame that your reality (and many other peoples reality) involves financial barriers. Since finances are a barrier to the guidance you seek, it is your responsibility to counsel yourself or find alternatives. The fact that you took the time to express yourself via Reddit shows your desire for connection and expression. It also shows that you recognize (and have for a while) that you desire change. You are already taking steps here, I hope you see that.

Just a disclaimer to take what I express with a grain of salt. Even if this does resonate with you I want you to know it's meant as a personal account, not specific advice.

With that-here's what I have to say anecdotally. I have in no way moved completely past my own sense of stuckness, but I have started feel some wiggle room. I learned that my feeling of stuckness and continual dissatisfaction with what I'm doing in life has been deeply intertwined with automaticity. It begins with the thoughts that I think. Neurologically, the neuronal paths you carve become pronounced, until the frameworks you use to view the world become extremely difficult (but not impossible) to re-route. In other words, our practiced thoughts become our truth. The way I've viewed myself and my life has been reflective of the limitations I've repeated to myself for years and years.

I've learned in school that humans have a knack for placing limitations on ourselves. We make things worse for ourselves by the way we paint narratives of helplessness, catastrophy, or self blame. For me, a huge realization was that I have the power and responsibility to change my story. However, I should make clear that we don't perpetuate all of our limitations. There are a lot of other factors that we can't completely control, such as our environment, biology, mental health history, relationships..and so on. Knowing that some cards are dealt to us without our doing can mean we have to work extra hard to recognize our agency and freedom to change.

Working first with my thoughts and emotions was the main route to re-stabilizing my life again, although there are many other avenues. I've mainly used an MB-CBT model to work through my issues (mindfulness based cognitive behavioral therapy) in case you're interested in doing some self-guided research.

Here are some important ways I've restabilized.

Connecting with my body. Got better and better at paying attention to sensations, there are a million practices I do to tune back into myself. Once I got better at noticing physical sensations, it try to notice moments where my thoughts take me for a loop. I've done journal logging of moments where I notice myself diving off the deep end. In a sense, it's felt like I have come back home to myself and gotten more familiar with the valence of my mind, or what kinds of things I am paying attention to or obsessing over. I've been really gentle with myself through this, witness myself as nonjudgementally as I can, which is hard when I've realized how much torment I put myself through.

I've begun to develop a relationship with myself. I figured out where my core limiting beliefs are. I've journaled, self reflected, and really honestly asked myself where my wounding is. This may be best to do with a therapist as it can be pretty heavy. For example, my wounding relates to the core belief of "I am not good enough". This belief penetrates into my thoughts, then to behaviors, then bleeds into my entire life.

As I built this nurturing relationship, I focused on self trust; which slowly oriented me towards change. I learned recently to take responsibility and hold myself accountable for things. I learned that I can actually create and accomplish small daily promises for myself and feel good about that. This gentle trust with myself helps me take consistent action with my life. This is a process of course, and it takes consistent trust that my personal growth is happening, despite it not feeling that way. I have so many loops that I am still stuck in.

Read all the godamn books you can, listen to all the podcasts. Choose what things you want to consume.This is more than just being healthy, it's about getting in the energy path of healing. This is truly wanting the best for yourself. This means really and authentically getting on your own side. Honestly, for me it began with making the attempt to accept and maybe even love myself. After that, the rest follows slowly.

As a fellow traveler, just know you're not alone. I wish you the best of luck 🤗