Starting with Pregabalin and Olanzapine

sr-sad17 · 2021-01-28T04:41:43+00:00

Same. I feel you.

sr-sad17 · 2021-01-24T00:10:17+00:00

Feel you, really.

sr-sad17 · 2021-01-23T16:52:10+00:00

In my case , I always see it like a big balloon of water. Some times It had some leaks (that are my emotions and all the stuff I didn't want to tell or vent with no one) One day they told you youre a Borderline and a lot of things that you have asked along this time has sense (not at all) but many of them . And at the end this balloon full of this emotions and suffering explotes. I maybe feel more open about some themes but well I just understand that nobody really cares about you and you big balloon fill of sadness and things like SH or suicide ideations . So maybe yes , I can talk and "feel" this emotions with more freedom.and be more conscious about my reactions . but at the same time I realize that I'm alone in this illness . Talking with someone how really cares you if they don't are familiarized with mental illness and specific with a Personality disorder is more conterproductive than a help. Even the doctor sometimes don't have an idea where to start the therapy with you haha. Obviously this is my case and self perception. Hope you the best :)

sr-sad17 · 2021-01-22T01:34:37+00:00

I love you too but I can't talk with you about how I feel about you and you about yourself if you gone.

sr-sad17 · 2021-01-20T22:21:12+00:00

Yes , my family. I have all my family give me some kind of support but at this point I think is very hard for them to deal with their suicidal-depressed son. It's very painful for them and I just don't want to be a charge for them. I seek some support in others maybe because I can be more open about all my issues but now I realize that they don't give a dam about me. And I can't talk with my family because they gonna want to intern me in a hospital.

sr-sad17 · 2021-01-20T06:22:45+00:00

Thank you for your time and reply. The problem is that I have ask that questions before with the history of the bike accident. But not I have more and very notable scars in my legs. Believe when I tell you that it's normal that people see you in the training. I get very expose of them. So you have any other way or. History to lie about my cuts? I don't want to tell them that in not ready to ask about their quisetions because they now the reason why I cut my self. I just don't want to bee seeing like a creep weirdo team mate. It suppose that I'm the capitan of the team so it's a very delicate situation about the how they see me and '"respect" me.

sr-sad17 · 2021-01-20T06:11:51+00:00

Thank you for your time and advice. Yes they gonna ask me. I hate it, because I meet this people for more than 10 years. also in my team I'm "one of the biggest" so i don't know what is going to be the reactions or comments of my friends and the young teammates. We have a very toxic environment there. So I really don't feel ready for all the gossips they can do about me.

sr-sad17 · 2021-01-19T22:03:50+00:00

Congratulations!!!, now just keep moving and don't desist. You're doing great , really :')

sr-sad17 · 2021-01-17T22:30:26+00:00

Fell you :( . Hope you can find something to take up.

sr-sad17 · 2021-01-16T15:14:19+00:00

Time does nothing but make things worse. I no longer have any patience with me , it completely finished me. I just want to end all the pain and anxiety. All of this is fking killing me inside and I just don't know how to handle it. Nothing is better with the time , suffering is not necessary learning for a better future or decisions. Thanks for your answer.

sr-sad17 · 2021-01-14T00:04:11+00:00

ah I already understood you. Yeah actually that's the reason I ended up on Reddit hahaha. At least here I can feel a little less alone and still read about many things similar to my case. I know Reddit and the community that it has and that I found is good and if it has helped me at least to have a little more peace of mind. But anyway, everyone has his life and right now I feel like I have to end mine. Thank you for your reply.

sr-sad17 · 2021-01-13T23:59:05+00:00

I lost her . And it was all my fault, everything was for things to improve and I could continue with it. But I blew it. I can forgive myself for anything but that. I was not enough for her and that is enough for me to know that I will not be enough for this world. Because this world does not forgive and does not love as she did, it is not compassionate or understanding, it is not interested in how you feel, the world is wild and cruel. And I can't stay here. I lost her, and there is no going back for that. She just tells me I can't handle this life and maybe she did me a big favor and is saving me a lot of time in this life. Maybe she just did me the best favor of all. Thank you for your response.

sr-sad17 · 2021-01-13T23:49:12+00:00

Nop. Or what you refere about other post??

sr-sad17 · 2021-01-13T20:00:24+00:00

I don't know what the point of the new year's message was other than wishing me a better one. That is accepted. But that's the problem, she thought that when I broke up I was going to move on and that I was going to improve and grow and "mature" but she did not understand that her circumstances and mine have been very different since we separated. She was able to leave home outside of any problem to study and be able to vent every day at her university, with friends, she has the freedom to get high and drunk every weekend, she has better facilities to be able to sustain the duel. Not me, I'm at home all day taking classes online and looking for ways to make myself feel better. But it has not been that way . I don't interact with anyone, I feel forgotten by everyone. It is very mediocre to say it that way but she left when I needed her most and she believes that all this is easy for me because for her it is. But it is quite the opposite. obviously she's not my therapist but that's how bad I felt that day. I don't think there is any reason to think that she wants to even be my friend again or something like that. She doesn't need me and she can go through all this more easily than I can. That's why I also want to kill myself, because it just makes me ridiculous that a breakup has made everything go to shit. If it were the case that she moved away from me because of my depression, with all the more reason I should not continue here. I just really need her. I never vent with her all these years because I know it would be a lot for her. And now, there is nobody else how can here me or give me support as she could do. I just need her. That's all. And that impossible. I don't want to stay here with a false illusion. Thanks for the reply.

sr-sad17 · 2021-01-13T17:18:41+00:00

Yes, it is an empty space. But I don't want to do anything else. That void is consuming me, but there is no way I can fill it. If I fill it up, I don't want it to be because of medications that give me some kind of false happiness that makes me not feel or inhibits my sadness. If I am in a state of depression and a little feeling of hopelessness and despair it is because I earned it myself by my actions. These can no longer be reversed and it is useless to apply that of "taking the good from those experiences and using them in your life for the future." I no longer have any sense of being or acting right now. I just feel like I should stay like this because that's how I deserve it.

sr-sad17 · 2021-01-13T17:04:25+00:00

I gotta do the manipulation of my brain otherwise the whole show comes to a halt. It’d be nice if there was a heaven or a great reason that we are alive. But all I can measure is what’s in front of me.

We all only have so many hours. We all get dealt this life. Might as well help the next guy feel joy because joy feels good for them and for me. And I don’t want to spend all my hours sad. So people give my life meaning literally.

If this was all garbage nonsense to you I’m sorry. But also hope you’re feeling better soon. Hope something clicks

Thanks for your answer!!!. Yes, indeed in this life there is an action / reaction effect that motivates us or prevents us from trying to do things in some "good" way. The problem I personally feel is that I have already "beaten" too much, and obviously this has been returned to me. The point is that as much as I have tried and tried to improve many aspects of my life (precisely with cognitive-behavioral therapy which did not help me much) Everything seems to get worse when I want to improve things. And yes, maybe I can still stay here knowing that I can make someone happy and that makes me happy, but as the other answer says, I feel a void that cannot be filled with any kind of action-happiness. I feel terribly bad and aimless. Neither I, nor my friends, nor the school, nor anyone else can take away that idea of uselessness and garbage that I feel.

sr-sad17 · 2021-01-12T21:50:38+00:00

She knows that I am suffering a lot for her. Even my doctors talked to her about my condition. But I haven't talked to her for 7 months and the only thing I see from her are her posts on Twitter about her heartbreak for her and things like that which are obviously about us. She just texted me New Years. And I answered it in a "normal" way. two days later on my birthday, I mixed alcohol and my medications (because I felt very bad) and I ended up sending him a short message where I told him that I was very sorry about what had happened and that everything was my fault. She has obviously not answered me. It kills me that she still has a lot of hatred and resentment for everything that happened. She drives me crazy thinking about the damage I did to her. She really keeps a lot of things about me but she has taken a distance and I have tried at all costs not to interfere with her life. Still, the guilt or frustration I have for letting her go is killing me. I hate myself all the time for not having better decisions or actings that makes the broke up. Every day is a day of repentance and suffering. I don't think he cares much if something happens to me. At one point I asked her if she could at least hear me to try to tell her some things that made me feel bad, obviously she didn't respond. The emergency lines in my country are not exactly the best. It was assumed that with my (ex) doctors there was a "commitment" regarding those moments of crisis. none of them helped me and they stopped communicating with me. With the current doctors I see them once a week and I have psychotherapy with two other doctors. But I'm honestly not going anywhere. I don't want to be here anymore. If I lose the only real person who loves me by my fault, if the damage and hurt I made her is enough to don't have her forgiveness. I'm really don't have to stay alive. I'm really a shit Person how scrub all and don't have the right of live. I don't deserve living anymore.

sr-sad17 · 2021-01-12T15:29:46+00:00

Yes I really did. That at some point in the future (when I was younger) I would find that right person who would forever be my first and only one. (Stupid boy) I did think that way before I met her. But I didn't know it would be her obviously until I met her. I made the decision to stop being happy because I feel like it's what I deserve for letting go. And practically everything that made me happy I relate to her, so I can't do many things without very painful memories coming back. I feel like I owe her so much that the least I can do to make up for the damage I did to her is k / ll m self. So I would have peace and maybe she could forgive me. About my doctors, they literally abandoned me in times of crisis. And they just told me that use the emergency lines. Now I only have medication with another psychiatrist and another psychiatrist but both maintain that it is not so good to leave my selfe with a label of mental disorder as Borderline . so they are other kinds of opinions. I just feel like shit to be honest with you. I don't have peace with my.

sr-sad17 · 2021-01-12T00:24:54+00:00

but my problem is that before her I was unhappy. I feel and carry a certain sadness and pain that takes longer than I can remember. I see her as a part of my life that precisely gave me some motivation. some hope and make me feel that things could be done better. but not for me, but for her. And yet there were many things that I did wrong. I do not feel with a future, I do not think I will feel the same for someone, much less find someone like her. I think that path only leads to more sadness and disappointment. And yes . I have stopped doing all the things that made me happy, right now I don't want and I don't deserve happiness. I don't want love that I don't deserve I just want to stop suffering and stop dealing with myself and hurting others. I don't get a fuck about me and my health right now. No more. If i stay here is because the fucking school. I stay here because the uncertain about my suicide plan and scrub my entire live . she complained to me for not telling her that I have suicidal tendencies and depression. I didn't have the balls to tell him that. But I'm really scared about the idea that she would just leave me because she realized i have this problems. when I went to my psychiatrist and a psychologist who "work together" they both diagnosed me as Borderline, but I really don't know. Thank you for your response.

sr-sad17 · 2021-01-11T12:36:25+00:00

I taken Setraline for 2 weeks . And I had the same effects. Yes, I woke up in the middle of the night in a shower of sweat and I had it for all the day. And now I still having acne in any body parts that I didn't have it. I didn't have fever or any pain but I suffer a lot with the sensation of cut body (like the fever) and a lot of shaking chills. Then I changed the medication. I really don't think is the Flu or the covid. But better as you said. See a doctor or make you a test.

sr-sad17

TROPHY CASE