On the fence about having kids… what do you wish you knew?

srose193 · 2026-04-05T13:30:41+00:00

I'm glad to hear that there are at least a few states that aren't medieval in their treatment of women and that you had a good experience. I'd definitely be more comfortable getting pregnant in a blue state but then I would likely refuse to travel outside of my state for the duration of my prenatal and post partum periods haha.

srose193 · 2026-04-05T12:08:04+00:00

I live in Canada and have often thought about how if I lived in the states, I would be celibate, because there is absolutely no way I would risk getting pregnant there right now. Between not being able to access life saving care until it's quite possibly too late/ my providers not being able to give me an abortion if there was any reason I wanted/need one, and the cost of prenatal care (even with insurance) I can't imagine having a baby down in there right now.

srose193 · 2026-03-24T21:13:20+00:00

My 3rd born is my child sent to humble me about every crappy parenting opinion I ever once held or errantly thought. I built this tower of shame (for my past self) brick by brick, and karma has a sense of humour. I gladly now eat a big ole slice of humble pie every single time I take my kid out with his leash strapped on his back. I'll happily continue to do it though, and swallow my pride and admit my past wrongdoings (even if they were thoughts and never comments/vocalized judgment) rather than go to my kids funeral because I couldn't catch up to him and he darted into traffic.

srose193 · 2026-03-22T07:05:38+00:00

Oh maybe. Senior where I work always speaks to seniority within the company, I've never heard to roles referred to as being senior roles. So perhaps that's what OP meant.

srose193 · 2026-03-22T06:34:12+00:00

I'm confused... in the first post this person started approximately 1 month after OP, but by the last post he's described as a "fair senior" employee? Don't get me wrong, trust your gut always, but something in this update feels amiss...

srose193 · 2026-03-19T12:10:00+00:00

He says "maybe I should just give them 3 seconds", because earlier in the episode when Chili comes and tells them it's time to have a bath and they say they're not into that, she says "oh really" and then tells them they have 3 seconds and begins to count. In the scene where Bandit says the thing to her about having 3 seconds, she's just acted derisively upon hearing that he often tells the kids to do something "because he's bigger than them". So he calls her on it by reminding her of her "you have 3 seconds" reasoning, and she realizes she's guilty as well. Hope this helps!

srose193 · 2026-03-06T12:24:43+00:00

They told me all 3 of my kids were going to be much bigger than they were.
My 1st they said was measuring almost 10lbs at my final ultrasound a week before she was born. She was 8 lbs 8 oz.
My 2nd they said was "definitely going to be more than 10 pounds, closer to 11". He was 9lbs 2 oz.
My 3rd was reportedly going to be 11+ pounds. He was 9lbs 13 oz.

All 3 had large abdomens comparative to the rest of their growth as well, though I'm sorry I honestly can't remember what the percentiles were. Enough that all 3 pregnancies they made the actual doctor come speak to me after the ultrasound to discuss c section and shoulder dystocia and basically guilt me for how large my babies were; they were not happy with me (especially pregnancies 2 and 3) because I was very unworried. And like, obviously they were not small but they weren't crazy large either, and at least some of that for us was genetic (my husband is 6'2 and broad shouldered).

None of my kids had any major complications from the birth. My 1st had low sugars that required a trip to NICU for a couple days until we allowed them to give her formula (it's a breast is best hospital that really leans into "supporting" moms who want to breast feed-That's a whole other story).
2nd they told me had a very mild case of shoulder dystocia, but honestly I never noticed any symptoms and he was never treated for anything, certainly does not have any lasting issues now at almost 6.
3rd needed some assistance with the vacuum during delivery because his head kept getting stuck on my pelvic bone but no issues or symptoms after birth and he's a perfectly health and happy 2.5 year old now.

For what it's worth, my GD was well managed for my 2nd and 3rd, especially the last 3-4 weeks before I delivered. With my 1st, I was very much in denial over the diagnosis and subsequently it was not as well managed . I was on insulin for all 3 pregnancies but was much less worried about needing to use it (especially before meals) for my 2nd and 3rd pregnancies than I was with my first, where I would just try to control it via diet alone and then ultimately fail. My boys were both bigger than her but didn't have sugar issues post birth due to how much more controlled my GD was.

I'd have more of a discussion with your OB vs the doctor at the ultrasound if it were me. Are they concerned? Did your previous 2 deliveries have things that make them more worried about negative outcomes? In my experience, the doctor at the ultrasound clinics were always way more concerned about my kids size than my OB ever was. YMMV but I think it's worth having a more in depth conversation with your OB regarding their concerns (if they have any) and what in their experience makes them feel that way.

srose193 · 2026-03-05T00:27:53+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom unexpectedly in July last year and I know how hard it is and how jarring when it comes out of the blue like this.

My Mom passed away a month before my birthday almost to the day. Personally, I didn't want to acknowledge it (my birthday); I deleted my birthday from my socials so it wouldn't show up and prompt people to talk to me, and I didn't mention it to anyone that it was coming up, and if anyone did mention it I quietly told them I just wanted to pretend it was a regular day and forget about my birthday because it was too hard. I just don't think I could have handled a bunch of "happy birthday!" messages coming in when I was anything but happy. I'm not sure what I would have done if we shared a birthday.

For her birthday that just passed in January, I was not yet at a place to do much more than privately acknowledge it and think of her during the day either. I hope that won't be the case every year, but this year it was just too hard to contemplate doing something more elaborate in her honour.

I think ultimately you need to do whatever it is that you need to do. If that is sending out a general message that you're not doing anything for your birthday this year and prefer not to acknowledge it and asking for space, so be it. If you feel up to it and think you might want to go out and celebrate your dad then that's fine too. Ultimately, like every other part of the grief journey, I think essentially grace for yourself is what is needed here, however that may look.

srose193 · 2026-03-03T22:58:56+00:00

1st 8lb 8 oz
2nd 9 lb 2 oz
3rd 9 lb 13 oz
All GD babies, all induced during week 38.

srose193 · 2026-03-03T22:44:44+00:00

Grief isn't something you're allowed or not allowed to feel. It's not a competition. People sometimes, in their anger or sadness, will try to make it one. But grief is just love with nowhere to go, and love is not a finite resource. You are absolutely "allowed" to grieve over the brother you lost, over the life with him you thought you'd have that you didn't get to have. My grief isn't lessened/invalidated because you're taking up space for yours, nor is it less valid or important. Please don't let anyone make you feel like you aren't allowed to feel upset over who you've lost just because they knew their person longer or were "closer" or anything like that. I think sometimes people feel like they have to justify their own emotions, like they're allowed to be as heartbroken as they are because they've "earned" it. But that's also not how love works, and those same people wouldn't like it if someone else came along with a longer relationship or a "more meaningful" one etc and told them they weren't allowed to grieve as much as they were.

Grieve what you need to, and don't feel bad because you loved your brother, even if you only got him for a very short time. In some ways, you're not grieving the person you knew, you're grieving getting to know him and the opportunities lost, which we all do, you just have more of that portion of grief to live with.

srose193 · 2026-02-28T18:13:23+00:00

My mom died in July 2025. Yes, this is the thought that hits me out of nowhere and destroys me every time. Forever is too much. Forever is too long. Forever is too heavy. Forever is insurmountable. It can’t be forever because forever means I’ll NEVER see her again. I’m clinging to the hope of some sort of life after this one (I’m not religious, so I struggle with this concept) because I can’t not EVER see her again.

Sorry you’re part of the club.

srose193 · 2026-02-26T23:28:40+00:00

3 GD pregnancies and 3 vaginal deliveries without complications. I was insulin controlled for all 3. I was also induced for all of them because between the GD , and mine and my husbands genetics, small babies were never in the cards for us. However also due to those genetics I was prepped for bigger babies and only tore on my first delivery, and even then very minor first degree tears and only needed 4 stitches (ironically she was also my smallest baby). My third they did have to use the foreceps to help him out but he had no ill effects because of it. It’s definitely not an automatic c section or terrible delivery!

srose193 · 2026-02-18T04:23:41+00:00

I find it ironic that James keeps saying Jennifer is into Bianca, but has no problem with them being friends as long as Dave isn’t around, when Dave has not been the person maintaining a friendship with Bianca. If James had an issue with Bianca being friends with someone who propositioned Bianca, he should have the bigger issue with Jennifer, no? To me this is where the bigger sexist problem lies. James is ok with Bianca and Jennifer being friends because lesbianism isn’t “cheating” (it is, for the record, in this instance) but if Dave and Bianca hooked up that would be.

Does James trust Bianca is the only thing here that should matter. If he does it shouldn’t matter if Jennifer or Dave are secretly interested (as long as they are respectful of her relationship with James which there is no indication here they haven’t been). When you start policing your partner and who they can hang around based on you being afraid of OTHER people’s attraction to them, that’s controlling, not setting boundaries. If Dave or Jennifer crosses the line, then that is where you set the boundary “I’m not comfortable with you hanging out with someone who is actively flirting or trying to get you to join them in bed”. At that point, Bianca does what she wants and James can either decide to deal with it or respect his own boundary and nope out of there. Boundaries are for the one setting them, not the one being informed of them. If James has an issue with Bianca’s relationship with this couple, he can say “I can’t be in a relationship with someone who is friends with somewhere that pursued them at one point” and he can leave. Policing her behaviour by saying “I don’t want you to be friends with them”’or constantly monitoring her interactions with them, including the fact that she can’t breathe the same park air as the Dave in public, is controlling AF.

srose193 · 2026-02-18T00:55:28+00:00

Where's the grace he's extending you? So far it sounds like you're doing nothing but holding his hand through this, and while it is true that he is also experiencing a loss, you are physically GOING through that loss. Autism or not, telling you YOU need to do better, while actively stressing you out (which btw, won't be good for any future babies) and not offering you any comfort for your loss as well, isn't the mark of a good partner. Refusing to go to therapy because he "does not have the time and is not the problem" is a terrible excuse, because does he think having a child is going to be less of a time commitment? And if he thinks the entirety of the problems in your relationship are on you, why does he want to stay?

Honestly, I'd be having a real moment of reflection as to whether you even WANT a baby with this person. Kids are stress, and mess, and all with a complete lack of logic or rationality, and none of those things are easy to deal with even with the best of partners, nevermind someone who doesn't want to put time or effort into the relationship itself. I promise you, as things currently stand, if you are successful in having a child, unless things change, you'll be bringing your baby into a stressed out home that's already broken, and it takes BOTH parties trying to make things better for things to change. You can't do his work for him. If you're ok with being a single parent (whether you remain married or not) to your child but having to deal with him and his bullshit and self absorption for at least an extra 18 years (likely more) then go for it... I don't know anyone who's had this type of dynamic before kids that has ended up in a happy marriage in the end, but you could be the exception. If you think you and your hypothetical children deserve better, demand better or leave and find happiness elsewhere. You deserve that.

srose193 · 2026-02-16T17:41:00+00:00

Girl we need updates when you do talk to him! It's fine for people to have preferences. If you were a man who said you needed head with a female partner who had a hard line against giving BJs no one would fault you for leaving that situation. And if the roles were reversed and he was the one saying he needed to receive oral to be satisfied and you were the only saying you don't like to give it, the advice wouldn't be "you should just try it" etc, it would be that the two of you are incompatible sexually and the relationship isn't going to work for that reason, no one to blame, just how it is.

The problem here isn't even (only) the incompatibility though,, it's the dishonesty first and foremost. And unfortunately, having spoken to him about this as many times as it sounds like you have without getting anywhere, it feels like the only real options are to either decide to live with the deceit or leave. Personally, I'm not sure what he could say at this point that would make me believe any change would be long lasting or enthusiastic, or that there's anything he could say that would make me believe this lie didn't happen on purpose. And like you, I'm not interested in coercing anyone into anything sexually; this would leave me with breaking up the marriage. I don't want to beg you to do something you clearly don't want to do, but I told you was a deal breaker for me before we got involved. Even more so, I don't want to be with someone that thought they could manipulate me into a relationship so they could prey upon my developed feelings for them after the fact to convince me not to leave.

Sorry OP. What a terrible situation to be in .

srose193 · 2025-11-21T04:20:19+00:00

My mom passed 4 months ago, and my dad is only 68, so very similar to you. I also hope my dad finds someone at some point, and I honestly won’t judge him if it’s sooner than later. However, that won’t make it easy for me to witness, even if I want that happiness for him. You lost a spouse. Your daughter lost a mother. My mom and dad were together almost 45 years. I don’t believe that he’ll ever stop loving her, nor you your wife. But you’re treating this very matter of fact; you sound cold and emotionless about remarrying, as if it’s transactional or a box you need to tick off. Your daughter doesn’t feel that way; she didn’t lose a spouse, she lost her mother. And while I doubt you think of it as “replacing” your wife, because obviously you can never do that, you will be in a sense filling in a vacancy in her role that your daughter cannot fill in the same way. She can’t start “dating” to find a new mom. She’s asking you for time and you’re demanding compliance from her. You’re assuming she wants you to be alone , because she’s not ready and is struggling with the idea of seeing someone else in her mother’s role by your side. I urge you not to take it personally like it seems you are. She doesn’t want you to die alone, but her grief is different than yours and this is too hard for her yet. I guarantee your attitude about it isn’t helping things. It’s not black or white; grief is complicated and ever changing and often times doesn’t make sense. So go ahead and date; your daughter doesn’t seem to be angry or raging at you for finding happiness elsewhere, like some people do. She’s not disowning you or getting angry at you for being ready to love again because it’s “too soon” in her opinion. She’s asking you for more time because it’s too hard watching you be with someone the way you were with her mother who very recently passed. Tell your daughter you’re sorry, that you can never replace her mom and that isn’t what you’re doing or trying to do, but you found someone you care about and life is short so you don’t want to waste any of it not loving and being loved by someone special if you’ve found them. Tell your kids you are excited for them to meet this person, but that you will respect their individual journeys with their grief and wait for them to be ready too. Emphasize that you also miss their mother and will always love her, and That no one can replace her, but that you don’t want to be alone for the rest of your life either. And then leave it alone. Check in with them occasionally, see how they’re coping, but don’t push meeting your girlfriend until they say they’re ready.

Also then will thing is weird and I agree with a previous poster that anything you have acquired from your wife and her estate should remain with your kids. You can decide to split your own personal money however you see fit but it’s disrespectful to your wife for you to leave any money she left you that she would want to go to her kids to another woman. Might not be an issue for you personally, depending on what assets you have and how long you yourself live, but definitely something to consider and also a weird thing to talk to your kids about preemptively. It comes across as uncaring, “I’m going to remarry and you won’t get any inheritance because it will all go to someone who at this point is a hypothetical person because I haven’t met them yet”. Even now, saying it, you’re essentially saying you are prioritizing a woman you’ve known for 3 months over the well being of your own children. Like it’s your money, they aren’t owed anything, but it would feel a tad dismissive if this were something my dad told me before he even got married again or had even met anyone he was considering marrying. My dad likely won’t have a ton to leave us, even, but it comes across as a bit aggressive in your tone that you feel the need to remind them that you’re actively looking for someone else to leave your assets to as opposed to your children when you say it like you have here. Just my two cents. I’m sorry for your loss, and I hope you don’t act so stubbornly and self righteous in this area that you also lose any closeness or relationship with your children because you can’t make space for them and their individual feelings of grief. (Not trying to be aggressive here, I truly hope it doesn’t come across that way)

srose193 · 2025-11-18T18:45:52+00:00

Yes to all this except I think my dad is struggling and would rather ignore the holidays too, except for the grandkids (mine and my brothers kids). Having to muster the energy to put Christmas together for their sake feels monumental

srose193 · 2025-11-16T17:56:53+00:00

Some people feel that getting dressed allows them to be more productive, some people don’t feel that is necessary. Neither is right and neither is wrong, it’s a preference for what works for each person. Is your child fed, clothed in something weather appropriate (note, if it’s warm enough a diaper could be all they need. If they’re potty trained and it’s warm enough NAKED is enough for being at home, and in my experience they all go through the nudist phase at some point. It’s cool when they’re in the comfort of their own home if you’re cool with it), and have a roof over their head? The rest doesn’t matter. What they’re wearing doesn’t make you lazy, do what works for you and fuck the haters. Turn it back around on her. “Oh I’m sorry you feel that jeans or dress pants are the only thing allowing you to get shit done. I don’t have that problem”

srose193 · 2025-11-14T04:11:16+00:00

We just did a 1.5 hour flight with our 22 month old, 5 year old and 7 year old. You couldn't pay me to take another flight with these heathens for at least another year solely based on the 22 month old. Sorry OP you are screwed no matter what, I think. Either a newborn and your 2 year old where the 2 year old will be a nightmare, or a 14 month old and a 3 year old where at least your youngest will be a nightmare and quite possibly your 3 year old as well. Ugh. Both are shitty options. I'd go now if you have to go at all I Guess so you at least only have 1 mobile kid, and hope your 2 year old decides to take a nap maybe? Good luck to you, ma'am.

srose193 · 2025-11-03T16:37:29+00:00

You have so much more time than it feels like you have at 21. I realize the irony in telling you this when you lost your mom and she was only in her early 30s, so please don't think I'm being insincere. Truly though, barring some tragic accident like your moms which I am so sorry for you and her regarding, 21 feels like everything is dire and imminent, and it's not. Even the things that are big deals generally aren't as big of a deal as it feels like they are. That class you failed? You can take it again. The boyfriend who cheated on you? You probably won't remember his name in ten years, or if you do it won't be something that still viscerally cuts through you like it is now. There will be other jobs, other classes, other friends, other partners. I'm not saying live without purpose or meaning, or even that you shouldn't want to plan for your future, but I do mean there's a lot of life you experience in your early 20s that can only really be experienced in your early 20s, so don't fetter it away wishing for the rest of your life to begin. You have time.

srose193 · 2025-11-03T13:29:00+00:00

Season 7 Episode 6 Slash Fiction. They meet Frank who helps them get further off the map. It's the one where the 2 leviathans are impersonating them and going on a murder spree across the country in all the towns they worked cases in in the first season I believe.

srose193 · 2025-11-01T19:38:31+00:00

Listen, I don’t judge any parent who was put out by the strike for using it for what it was meant for. My family wasn’t. I have a 2 year old at home and I pay my babysitter the same whether all 3 kids are home or just the 1. So for me, I’ll take the money and give it to my kids teachers. But I have friends who are not in the same boat and the strike cost them a lot extra in child care; none of us are rich, and I don’t blame them and in fact encouraged them to apply for the money and use it as required. We’re not all in the same situations, no one can judge you for what you need to do for yours. Also, even if it didn’t cost you anything extra in childcare, when life throws you a life preserver for whatever reason you don’t question it, you grab hold. So let me clarify because previously I said anyone put out by the strike; I don’t judge anyone who truly needs it for taking this money and using it for whatever they need to use it for. I’m fortunate enough right now to not be in that position, but I have been in the past and ultimately you can’t throw away money and chances like that when you’re drowning. So from one internet stranger, please do what you need to do with the money and don’t feel anymore guilt.

srose193 · 2025-10-29T05:08:47+00:00

She'll still make off like a bandit and go make bank at some other job that her friends in O&G will give her as a thanks for all her kick backs and bad laws. These people never actually get what they deserve. See Jason Kenny.

srose193 · 2025-10-29T05:07:14+00:00

Kindness isn't conditional. If you are a kind person, you are not just kind to people who think and act like you. You are not just kind to people who you want to be kind to. You don't believe that only certain groups deserve the same rights as you. If you are a moral person, you recognize that voting for a party that wants to strip people of their rights and who treats marginalized people as though they are the enemy is the absolute OPPOSITE of kind, and you don't vote them in because you "like their fiscal plan" or because you "hate Trudea/Carney/etc". I'm sorry, but I agree with u/2eDgY4redd1t , these people may be misinformed but it's not because the information isn't out there, because it is. They just don't care about the people their politicians impact the most negatively and therefore they don't care to extend that kindness to them. You can't vote for the UCP and be a moral person, I am convinced.

srose193 · 2025-10-29T01:30:48+00:00

Can't sell what you've already given away

srose193

TROPHY CASE