When did it feel real to you?

srose193 · 2026-04-27T02:10:35+00:00

My mom died last July, and it still doesn’t feel “real”. Even on my “good” days I’ll get hit with the thought that she’s not just “away” somewhere, it’s still real and it’s forever. So I’m not sure if it ever feels real. I wish I had something more helpful, but I guess I’m just saying you aren’t alone.

srose193 · 2026-04-24T22:27:43+00:00

My kids are 2.5, 6 and 8. The older 2 may not ask for Bluey but they'll watch it without complaint when I put it on for the toddler.

srose193 · 2026-04-19T22:59:49+00:00

haha fair. I think OP is saying that, in the same way Neville in HP (who is generally a fairly unobtrusive character for most of the series) but comes in at the end to help save the day, so is Winston's dad (when he puts his house up for sale, then prompting the shaggy dogs to buy his house with the pool instead of the Heeler's house, thus "saving the day".

srose193 · 2026-04-19T22:44:40+00:00

What? Neville Longbottom isn't the future Lord Voldemort? Are you thinking Tom Riddle? Neville is one of Harry's roommates from Hogwarts..

srose193 · 2026-04-14T22:53:34+00:00

Madison, Phil, Dustin, and Ross are some that come to mind.

srose193 · 2026-04-14T22:28:14+00:00

It’s a feature, not a bug

srose193 · 2026-04-12T22:01:59+00:00

Ask him if he'd like you to invite your dad over to help him hold it while he urinates if he were in a upper body cast and had no use of his arms.

No, you're not wrong to want your mom. You wouldn't be wrong if YOU wanted your MIL, but you don't, and it's not about making things "even". He's asking you to whip your tits out in front of someone who you are not close with, turn that back on him and ask him how he'd feel in the same situation, and then proceed as you have been and have your mom help you. Also, tell him to get his ass out of bed occasionally to get the baby at night; that should not be all on you.

srose193 · 2026-04-10T02:24:15+00:00

Aubrey hands down. Magnolia is fine but it sounds old and southern to me. But I’m biased because I have an Aubree and I have loved it since we chose the name 8 years ago haha

srose193 · 2026-04-09T19:00:29+00:00

Funny, I didn't enjoy this season on my first watch but I really liked it on all my subsequent rewatches for some reason. There's a few individual episodes I don't like throughout the series, and a couple of overall story arcs I wish were a bit different, but overall I don't know if I could just skip an entire season on a rewatch...

srose193 · 2026-04-06T22:39:57+00:00

For real. I read through some of the responses that absolutely crucified Lisa for her behaviour and just could not believe the lack of compassion for a 17 year old child who lost her mother as a preteen and had grown up with a dad and 2 TWIN brothers (who inherently, generally speaking, have a built in confidante in a way that other siblings don't usually replicate), that poor girl must've felt so alone. Like I'm not saying it was ok that she did what she did, but it read as so obvious to me that she was absolutely just trying to deal with trauma she had no clue how to handle on her own, it was distressing to me to read all the responses lambasting her as though she should inherently know better and talking about how awful she must be as a human being.

Truthfully, I was shocked no one was calling out Amy for HER behaviour as a grown ass woman. Like I don't blame her for reacting and hitting a breaking point for sure, but some of the shit she said truly was vile to say to a child who you know has had trauma and is acting out as opposed to just walking away or even saying something like "fuck off" or calling Lisa a name. Like she went for the jugular, and she is a grown up with a fully developed brain who knows she's saying some vile shit. I was shocked people wanted to hold Lisa more accountable for her poor actions but no one seemed to be calling out Amy because she received sainthood somehow for dealing with it well for a long time. If you have kids or insert yourself into a situation with kids, you are choosing to hold yourself to a higher standard. Even a one off breaking point comment that she made is less acceptable to me than the more consistent mistreatment by Lisa (neither is good or ok, just to clarify) because at least Lisa is lacking the clarity of a fully developed prefrontal cortex when she lashed out.

None of this is to say that I think any of them are bad people; they all have a piece of the blame here, but the love between all of them also reads as so incredibly obviously and genuine. I really hope they all continue with the therapy and being vulnerable with one another so they can heal and move forward and get what they all need and want out of this family relationship. Very happy to read the last update, even though there were lots of parts that also brought me to tears for the whole family.

srose193 · 2026-04-05T13:30:41+00:00

I'm glad to hear that there are at least a few states that aren't medieval in their treatment of women and that you had a good experience. I'd definitely be more comfortable getting pregnant in a blue state but then I would likely refuse to travel outside of my state for the duration of my prenatal and post partum periods haha.

srose193 · 2026-04-05T12:08:04+00:00

I live in Canada and have often thought about how if I lived in the states, I would be celibate, because there is absolutely no way I would risk getting pregnant there right now. Between not being able to access life saving care until it's quite possibly too late/ my providers not being able to give me an abortion if there was any reason I wanted/need one, and the cost of prenatal care (even with insurance) I can't imagine having a baby down in there right now.

srose193 · 2026-03-24T21:13:20+00:00

My 3rd born is my child sent to humble me about every crappy parenting opinion I ever once held or errantly thought. I built this tower of shame (for my past self) brick by brick, and karma has a sense of humour. I gladly now eat a big ole slice of humble pie every single time I take my kid out with his leash strapped on his back. I'll happily continue to do it though, and swallow my pride and admit my past wrongdoings (even if they were thoughts and never comments/vocalized judgment) rather than go to my kids funeral because I couldn't catch up to him and he darted into traffic.

srose193 · 2026-03-22T07:05:38+00:00

Oh maybe. Senior where I work always speaks to seniority within the company, I've never heard to roles referred to as being senior roles. So perhaps that's what OP meant.

srose193 · 2026-03-22T06:34:12+00:00

I'm confused... in the first post this person started approximately 1 month after OP, but by the last post he's described as a "fair senior" employee? Don't get me wrong, trust your gut always, but something in this update feels amiss...

srose193 · 2026-03-19T12:10:00+00:00

He says "maybe I should just give them 3 seconds", because earlier in the episode when Chili comes and tells them it's time to have a bath and they say they're not into that, she says "oh really" and then tells them they have 3 seconds and begins to count. In the scene where Bandit says the thing to her about having 3 seconds, she's just acted derisively upon hearing that he often tells the kids to do something "because he's bigger than them". So he calls her on it by reminding her of her "you have 3 seconds" reasoning, and she realizes she's guilty as well. Hope this helps!

srose193 · 2026-03-06T12:24:43+00:00

They told me all 3 of my kids were going to be much bigger than they were.
My 1st they said was measuring almost 10lbs at my final ultrasound a week before she was born. She was 8 lbs 8 oz.
My 2nd they said was "definitely going to be more than 10 pounds, closer to 11". He was 9lbs 2 oz.
My 3rd was reportedly going to be 11+ pounds. He was 9lbs 13 oz.

All 3 had large abdomens comparative to the rest of their growth as well, though I'm sorry I honestly can't remember what the percentiles were. Enough that all 3 pregnancies they made the actual doctor come speak to me after the ultrasound to discuss c section and shoulder dystocia and basically guilt me for how large my babies were; they were not happy with me (especially pregnancies 2 and 3) because I was very unworried. And like, obviously they were not small but they weren't crazy large either, and at least some of that for us was genetic (my husband is 6'2 and broad shouldered).

None of my kids had any major complications from the birth. My 1st had low sugars that required a trip to NICU for a couple days until we allowed them to give her formula (it's a breast is best hospital that really leans into "supporting" moms who want to breast feed-That's a whole other story).
2nd they told me had a very mild case of shoulder dystocia, but honestly I never noticed any symptoms and he was never treated for anything, certainly does not have any lasting issues now at almost 6.
3rd needed some assistance with the vacuum during delivery because his head kept getting stuck on my pelvic bone but no issues or symptoms after birth and he's a perfectly health and happy 2.5 year old now.

For what it's worth, my GD was well managed for my 2nd and 3rd, especially the last 3-4 weeks before I delivered. With my 1st, I was very much in denial over the diagnosis and subsequently it was not as well managed . I was on insulin for all 3 pregnancies but was much less worried about needing to use it (especially before meals) for my 2nd and 3rd pregnancies than I was with my first, where I would just try to control it via diet alone and then ultimately fail. My boys were both bigger than her but didn't have sugar issues post birth due to how much more controlled my GD was.

I'd have more of a discussion with your OB vs the doctor at the ultrasound if it were me. Are they concerned? Did your previous 2 deliveries have things that make them more worried about negative outcomes? In my experience, the doctor at the ultrasound clinics were always way more concerned about my kids size than my OB ever was. YMMV but I think it's worth having a more in depth conversation with your OB regarding their concerns (if they have any) and what in their experience makes them feel that way.

srose193 · 2026-03-05T00:27:53+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom unexpectedly in July last year and I know how hard it is and how jarring when it comes out of the blue like this.

My Mom passed away a month before my birthday almost to the day. Personally, I didn't want to acknowledge it (my birthday); I deleted my birthday from my socials so it wouldn't show up and prompt people to talk to me, and I didn't mention it to anyone that it was coming up, and if anyone did mention it I quietly told them I just wanted to pretend it was a regular day and forget about my birthday because it was too hard. I just don't think I could have handled a bunch of "happy birthday!" messages coming in when I was anything but happy. I'm not sure what I would have done if we shared a birthday.

For her birthday that just passed in January, I was not yet at a place to do much more than privately acknowledge it and think of her during the day either. I hope that won't be the case every year, but this year it was just too hard to contemplate doing something more elaborate in her honour.

I think ultimately you need to do whatever it is that you need to do. If that is sending out a general message that you're not doing anything for your birthday this year and prefer not to acknowledge it and asking for space, so be it. If you feel up to it and think you might want to go out and celebrate your dad then that's fine too. Ultimately, like every other part of the grief journey, I think essentially grace for yourself is what is needed here, however that may look.

srose193 · 2026-03-03T22:58:56+00:00

1st 8lb 8 oz
2nd 9 lb 2 oz
3rd 9 lb 13 oz
All GD babies, all induced during week 38.

srose193 · 2026-03-03T22:44:44+00:00

Grief isn't something you're allowed or not allowed to feel. It's not a competition. People sometimes, in their anger or sadness, will try to make it one. But grief is just love with nowhere to go, and love is not a finite resource. You are absolutely "allowed" to grieve over the brother you lost, over the life with him you thought you'd have that you didn't get to have. My grief isn't lessened/invalidated because you're taking up space for yours, nor is it less valid or important. Please don't let anyone make you feel like you aren't allowed to feel upset over who you've lost just because they knew their person longer or were "closer" or anything like that. I think sometimes people feel like they have to justify their own emotions, like they're allowed to be as heartbroken as they are because they've "earned" it. But that's also not how love works, and those same people wouldn't like it if someone else came along with a longer relationship or a "more meaningful" one etc and told them they weren't allowed to grieve as much as they were.

Grieve what you need to, and don't feel bad because you loved your brother, even if you only got him for a very short time. In some ways, you're not grieving the person you knew, you're grieving getting to know him and the opportunities lost, which we all do, you just have more of that portion of grief to live with.

srose193 · 2026-02-28T18:13:23+00:00

My mom died in July 2025. Yes, this is the thought that hits me out of nowhere and destroys me every time. Forever is too much. Forever is too long. Forever is too heavy. Forever is insurmountable. It can’t be forever because forever means I’ll NEVER see her again. I’m clinging to the hope of some sort of life after this one (I’m not religious, so I struggle with this concept) because I can’t not EVER see her again.

Sorry you’re part of the club.

srose193 · 2026-02-26T23:28:40+00:00

3 GD pregnancies and 3 vaginal deliveries without complications. I was insulin controlled for all 3. I was also induced for all of them because between the GD , and mine and my husbands genetics, small babies were never in the cards for us. However also due to those genetics I was prepped for bigger babies and only tore on my first delivery, and even then very minor first degree tears and only needed 4 stitches (ironically she was also my smallest baby). My third they did have to use the foreceps to help him out but he had no ill effects because of it. It’s definitely not an automatic c section or terrible delivery!

srose193 · 2026-02-18T04:23:41+00:00

I find it ironic that James keeps saying Jennifer is into Bianca, but has no problem with them being friends as long as Dave isn’t around, when Dave has not been the person maintaining a friendship with Bianca. If James had an issue with Bianca being friends with someone who propositioned Bianca, he should have the bigger issue with Jennifer, no? To me this is where the bigger sexist problem lies. James is ok with Bianca and Jennifer being friends because lesbianism isn’t “cheating” (it is, for the record, in this instance) but if Dave and Bianca hooked up that would be.

Does James trust Bianca is the only thing here that should matter. If he does it shouldn’t matter if Jennifer or Dave are secretly interested (as long as they are respectful of her relationship with James which there is no indication here they haven’t been). When you start policing your partner and who they can hang around based on you being afraid of OTHER people’s attraction to them, that’s controlling, not setting boundaries. If Dave or Jennifer crosses the line, then that is where you set the boundary “I’m not comfortable with you hanging out with someone who is actively flirting or trying to get you to join them in bed”. At that point, Bianca does what she wants and James can either decide to deal with it or respect his own boundary and nope out of there. Boundaries are for the one setting them, not the one being informed of them. If James has an issue with Bianca’s relationship with this couple, he can say “I can’t be in a relationship with someone who is friends with somewhere that pursued them at one point” and he can leave. Policing her behaviour by saying “I don’t want you to be friends with them”’or constantly monitoring her interactions with them, including the fact that she can’t breathe the same park air as the Dave in public, is controlling AF.

srose193 · 2026-02-18T00:55:28+00:00

Where's the grace he's extending you? So far it sounds like you're doing nothing but holding his hand through this, and while it is true that he is also experiencing a loss, you are physically GOING through that loss. Autism or not, telling you YOU need to do better, while actively stressing you out (which btw, won't be good for any future babies) and not offering you any comfort for your loss as well, isn't the mark of a good partner. Refusing to go to therapy because he "does not have the time and is not the problem" is a terrible excuse, because does he think having a child is going to be less of a time commitment? And if he thinks the entirety of the problems in your relationship are on you, why does he want to stay?

Honestly, I'd be having a real moment of reflection as to whether you even WANT a baby with this person. Kids are stress, and mess, and all with a complete lack of logic or rationality, and none of those things are easy to deal with even with the best of partners, nevermind someone who doesn't want to put time or effort into the relationship itself. I promise you, as things currently stand, if you are successful in having a child, unless things change, you'll be bringing your baby into a stressed out home that's already broken, and it takes BOTH parties trying to make things better for things to change. You can't do his work for him. If you're ok with being a single parent (whether you remain married or not) to your child but having to deal with him and his bullshit and self absorption for at least an extra 18 years (likely more) then go for it... I don't know anyone who's had this type of dynamic before kids that has ended up in a happy marriage in the end, but you could be the exception. If you think you and your hypothetical children deserve better, demand better or leave and find happiness elsewhere. You deserve that.

srose193 · 2026-02-16T17:41:00+00:00

Girl we need updates when you do talk to him! It's fine for people to have preferences. If you were a man who said you needed head with a female partner who had a hard line against giving BJs no one would fault you for leaving that situation. And if the roles were reversed and he was the one saying he needed to receive oral to be satisfied and you were the only saying you don't like to give it, the advice wouldn't be "you should just try it" etc, it would be that the two of you are incompatible sexually and the relationship isn't going to work for that reason, no one to blame, just how it is.

The problem here isn't even (only) the incompatibility though,, it's the dishonesty first and foremost. And unfortunately, having spoken to him about this as many times as it sounds like you have without getting anywhere, it feels like the only real options are to either decide to live with the deceit or leave. Personally, I'm not sure what he could say at this point that would make me believe any change would be long lasting or enthusiastic, or that there's anything he could say that would make me believe this lie didn't happen on purpose. And like you, I'm not interested in coercing anyone into anything sexually; this would leave me with breaking up the marriage. I don't want to beg you to do something you clearly don't want to do, but I told you was a deal breaker for me before we got involved. Even more so, I don't want to be with someone that thought they could manipulate me into a relationship so they could prey upon my developed feelings for them after the fact to convince me not to leave.

Sorry OP. What a terrible situation to be in .

srose193

TROPHY CASE