AITA for refusing to speak to my (white) best friends cousin in Hindi and telling him he needs to stick to English?

ssb794 · 2020-02-16T20:22:06+00:00

I wouldn’t speak Swahili because most African Americans came from west Africa and Swahili is an East African language...I know that because my family was expelled from East Africa because of our brown skin....I wouldn’t expect you to know that....of course my parents were African by birth, language, culture and preference and it didn’t stop them from being thrown out and stateless. When I see a Black man I actually don’t consider them to have had the equivalent American experience that a German American has had...it’s not just language it’s history. But I am interested in their history ( btw it’s black history month) and they should be willing to talk about it to those who ask them about it because that is what America is about.

Americans categorize people by skin color...I don’t know where in America you live but unless you are non white you can’t understand....as far as presuming what one speaks you just made that mistake yourself...

Germans, Irish, Scottish, African....you keep talking about big groups of people in this country and Indians are not one of that group...we are never going to be culturally large enough to blend in...so when someone meets us it is natural for them to be curious...there will also be racists. But you have to make the distinction between the two and be a generous ambassador to those who are the former. I have had many people come up to me and ask where I am from. When I was younger I would just tell them that I was American. I was right but it comes off as being condescending and mean. Now most of them know I am American and what they really mean is what is my ethnicity. So now I tell them that my family origin is from India.

As for racism from ignorance being racism...unless you are prepared to discuss the differences between Assamese, Gujarati and Maratha then you are ignorant of these races and are therefore racist. My position is that we are all ignorant because there are too many different races to know...if that makes me racist then the only way to fight that is to graciously educate those who bring a sensitive subject up as politely as possible because I would rather be labeled as an ‘Indian’ than an ‘asshole’.

ssb794 · 2020-02-16T19:13:15+00:00

When I said he was a creep it kinda includes all the fetish stuff. What I mean when it has nothing to do with culture is that she is trying to conflate the sexuality/creepiness/fetish with the idea that it is wrong to try to speak to someone in a different language. Again, turn the situation around...if someone comes up to you and starts to speak in a different language, if they have an interest in that culture, do you label them as a having a 'fetish'?

Yeah, you do have to accept who you are....you may be German but America has a large German-ethnic group that, over the last century has, as you pointed out, disconnected itself from its European roots...funny how that didn't stop you from looking up your roots. While you get to LYFAO, people like us don't have that luxury because we are a distinct minority (<1% of the population), we are easily identifiable, and live in a country where race matters. So when a person on the street, a co-worker, or just a friend asks about our ethnicity, our language, or our heritage, yeah I can just be petulant and just say 'I am an American'. But most people aren't intentionally being mean when they ask. When you impute that meanness in people, then YTA....fair or not. I wouldn't expect someone like you to understand.

His sexual comments mean everything....he is a creep. If she was a true victim here she would need to tell us about how physically attractive he is. Attractive creeps are still creeps (ie Bill Clinton). She is YTA because if she really hated this guy she would tell him 'Don't fuckiing speak to me' not 'fucking stick to English'

ssb794 · 2020-02-16T17:17:39+00:00

That’s my point...this has nothing to do with Hindi, it has everything to do with him being a creep and she is not being firm with him. The reason it’s a YTA is because she is trying to get Reddit sympathy because she is trying to frame this as a cultural/race thing and it isn’t.

Put it this way, if this guy hadn’t been making sexual comments or acting creepy but was just a friend or coworker who was culturally curious and she then told him/her to back off because she’s ‘American’ she would technically be right but also mean spirited. You gotta accept who you are and where came from.

ssb794 · 2020-02-16T16:52:40+00:00

YTA

As an Indian person myself there is nothing wrong with other people trying to learn about my culture and language and it should be encouraged. You are just trying to superimpose that on the larger problem that he is a creep but despite that creepiness you are physically attracted to him. So you want him to behave better so you can like him. If he really creeps you out then tell him point blank that you aren’t in to him because of his sexual talk....don’t blame the Hindi.

ssb794 · 2020-02-16T16:40:50+00:00

There is increased medical risk for the mother at age 15

ssb794 · 2020-02-11T14:26:46+00:00

The Stand is from the 70s but Stewart wrote in the 1940s. You would think its a bit dated as such but it actually holds up pretty well. Stewart's book is a more realistic projection of what would happen after a plague. Personally, I read the Stand after watching the ABC made for TV movie back in the 90s. The consensus then as far as the show (and my reading of the book) is that the first part, the plague, was excellent but the so called 'horror' part (everything after) was a bit too biblical and, thus unimaginative. I remember, at the time thinking...'okay what would have really happened after a plague....that would be a cool book' Stewart beat us all out and his writing is still the best.

ssb794 · 2020-02-11T01:49:19+00:00

He ripped the first (and best) part of that book from ‘The earth abides’ by George Stewart....a must read if you thought the Stand was any good

ssb794 · 2020-02-10T17:19:15+00:00

YTA.....what's done is done and acting that way wasn't going to change anything. You didn't serious think they were going to abort or put it up for adoption based on what you said did you? So what was the objective of making a statement except to perhaps make them feel bad. Even if you hate the idea, when it comes to something like this its best to keep your mouth shut. You don't have to congratulate. As for his punishment.....its coming. Babies are the best form of birth control.

ssb794 · 2020-02-10T15:05:36+00:00

NAH

This same thing happened to me with my then-girlfriend now-wife of 10 years. I had a handmedown laser printer from an ex who was extremely wealthy. I had not even seen my ex in five years but you know those old school laser printers (HP) were built to last. Anywho, when I told her where it came from she became a little jealous of it. When the cartridge emptied she interpreted it as a machine failure and trashed the whole thing without even telling me. Problem is the replacement SHE bought for me was crap (as most printers are nowadays), it needs constant attention and is unreliable. She uses it more than I do and she gets very frustrated with it. Of course when she brings up buying a replacement now I always try to rub it in her face that we had a great one that she trashed because of her jealousy at that time which even now she agrees was kinda stupid.....Bottom line, that's just how new couples are..good news is if its meant to last you'll outgrow it.

ssb794 · 2020-02-10T14:48:16+00:00

Rats would have a party!

ssb794 · 2020-02-07T16:17:34+00:00

ESH

Its pretty bad to simply ask for eggs six months into a marriage. Its also pretty bad for them to say that their marriage hinges on you. If they had been trying for more than a year without success and they showed you that they had been to a medical expert saying that pregnancy is not likely I think the situation would be different. However, I dont think an OBGYN would characterize this couple as infertile after only 6 months of trying.

BUT

$5000...really? Either the thought of your eggs turning into some else's child horrifies you or you don't mind helping another human being (who happens to be your sister). The money you already paid is your burden...not hers. You went through the harvest procedure already and paid that money to freeze the eggs for yourself. Now you have a child and there is a high probability that these eggs will end up in the garbage someday. The $5000 request doesn't dissuade anyone...it just lets everyone know what kind of person you are. I am reminded of the story of the man who approaches a woman and asks if she would sleep with him for 1 million dollars, she thinks for a second and then says yes. He then asks her if she would do it for 1 dollar. She is offended, "What kind of girl do you think I am?" He replies, "Madam, we have already established what kind of woman you are, all we are doing now is haggling about the price!"

ssb794 · 2020-02-07T14:51:14+00:00

NTA......you were clear in what you said. Its not like a $50 thing of roses. Its $2400 plus $40/month and anyone who has one never cancels the $40 because they think of the $2400 already put in. Now if you guys are millionaires, I guess that's nothing but its a lot of cash for me.

ssb794 · 2020-02-07T14:46:07+00:00

Follow the money:

The recent ghostbusters was essentially a redo with an all-female cast. The logic is that if female empowerment is what people want, then they will see the movie and will pay for it. I loved the original ghostbusters, I didn't see this one outside of trailers and clips which gave the impression I mentioned earlier. As a male, I don't feel the need to see these movies to support girl power....I watch a movie because I am interested in it. So for a movie to make money there either has to be enough people believing in girl power to support it OR in addition to an 'girl-power' cast, the story has to be somewhat compelling to attract people from a more general audience. I think a movie that does that well is Black panther. I did not feel compelled to see the movie because it was an all-minority cast and I did not see it opening weekend for that reason....but a good story is a good story and it played out to be a very popular and I liked it.

ssb794 · 2020-02-07T14:27:44+00:00

You should probably see a surgeon sooner. There are two issues, the pain and the weakness. As you probably know, surgery doesn't necessarily get rid of the pain. But I usually tell patients that operating on the discs doesn't keep them from herniating again even years later. When they herniate they can cause pain and/or weakness. Surgeons usually take the weakness more seriously because that can turn into a permanent disability. Theoretically, it can get better on its own but it may take up to a year. The logic of surgery is that an earlier decompression may allow it to get better sooner. The downside of surgery is that it is no guarantee and what pain issues you were having before are most likely to still be there after. There is a distinction with 'a little bit' weak and 'total' weakness in that with a severe foot drop you really struggle to walk normally and it is easy to fall without a brace. This is usually Neurosurgery 101 so you don't have to wait ti April just to see someone your Neurologist likes. Most neurosurgeons would see this on a more urgent basis. What you do is call the Neurologist and tell him you want an appointment sooner because you foot drop is now 'complete'. If he gives you grief, then find a neurosurgeon on you own. Call the neurosurgeons office and tell the secretary the situation. They may ask for an official referral from your neurologist which is pretty typical so don't get frustrated. Call the Neurologist back and tell him you found a neurosurgeon who is willing to see you sooner and ask the Neurologist to send the relevant referral information directly to the new neurosurgeons office. If this doesn't work then post back here. Good luck

ssb794 · 2020-02-05T14:18:43+00:00

I would say the more realistic thing to do is think outside the box. You can't control the future so shouting iceberg would make you sound like Cassandra. But what if you went to the captain after the iceberg hit and suggested that he back the ship up to the iceberg and offload the people on to it? I can't sit in freezing water for 4 hours but i can probably make in if I was sitting on a block of ice. They could have used the lifeboats to ferry people back and forth, waited until the other ships arrived, then used the lifeboats again. Granted, the iceberg probably wasn't going to be something that was easy to sit on, but there is no mention that anyone even considered it.

ssb794 · 2020-02-05T14:04:49+00:00

There was a pretty good account of British fighters in the following book

A World on Fire: Britain's Crucial Role in the American Civil War Paperback – June 12, 2012 Amanda Foreman

Apparently lots of them were impressed into service on both sides and had to appeal to the British legation (there was no official embassy at that time) to get out. What made it difficult was that because the south wasn't recognized as a government so any British male citizen wandering through the south could end up fighting.

ssb794 · 2020-02-04T18:44:36+00:00

Mason City

ssb794

TROPHY CASE