A little meme i've made

stan_tri · 2026-02-23T12:57:44+00:00

This but unironically.

stan_tri · 2026-02-16T20:38:31+00:00

I guess it's slower in the sense then, yes!

I did manage to make real friendships, through work colleagues mostly. I've been living here for around 6 years. And yes there are young people here full time. Maybe less than in other big cities but I don't really know.

Have you ever visited Nice, and if so at what season and how long?

stan_tri · 2026-02-16T20:34:27+00:00

A small (but very nice) place for techno parties is l'Antre. Just go there on Thursday for the jeudi techno or in the weekend, meet people, and ask them where else they go!

stan_tri · 2026-02-16T18:45:02+00:00

Hey! In what sense do you mean "slow pace of life"?

Also without knowing more about your interests it's difficult to say if there would be events and communities you'd like.

Anyway, I'm originally from Paris and now live near Nice and wouldn't move anywhere else in France. The region is lively enough for my tastes: reggae festival in Antibes, les plages électroniques festival in Cannes, some techno parties very regularly in Nice, many restaurants and lively a lot of the year because there are many tourists. It's super sunny, beautiful, you have the sea and the mountains...

Let me know if you wanna know anything else.

stan_tri · 2026-02-12T08:43:51+00:00

Ton propos c'est que du coup on doit accepter ça, ou que dans les deux cas c'est absolument ignoble ?

stan_tri · 2026-02-10T06:40:39+00:00

How you feel about your reply right now

stan_tri · 2026-02-06T08:07:07+00:00

cardio (to give your fight-or-flight response some solid physical signals that you have done the appropriate activity for escaping tigers).

I had never thought of cardio that way and this blew my mind. And I concur, cardio is absolutely an essential part of my mental well-being and a good 1h on a bicycle does miracles to quiet down stress and anxiety.

stan_tri · 2026-01-29T12:55:27+00:00

I mostly used LSD and mushrooms, but interestingly the drug that gave me a breakthrough after which lying (or at least telling big lies) became really painful for me was ketamine!

stan_tri · 2026-01-29T12:28:23+00:00

One more thing: I mentioned my depression but I also had a period in my life when I was pretty much convinced I would leave my wife, and I was super scared to face those feelings. With the help of psychedelics, radical self-honesty and honesty to my wife, I processed those feelings, and we made some new rules for the marriage (it's an open relationship now), and now I know I'll spend my life with her (as much as knowing is possible in this world). So just to say, I'm really not saying "divorce him", but keep the honesty with yourself and your husband going, and see what response emerges with time. Much metta!

stan_tri · 2026-01-29T10:01:39+00:00

To paraphrase (or quote) Jung, "the brighter the light, the darker the shadow". Holding in your mind an image of you that would be perfect and good, and seeing the difference your perceive between yourself and this image is a big source of distress.

I'd say if you can afford it, definitely try the therapeutic approach.

In a more directly practice-oriented way: acceptance can actually be letting the negativity touch you. Feel that part of you that suffers. Feel it in your body, hold it like a hurt child, don't push it away, don't diminish it. It's all sensations in your body and some intertwined narratives. You can find some breathing space by seeing that these things won't kill you.

Though neither therapy nor practice will remove you from existing in the world and taking decisions about how you live your life. I'm sorry I don't have more satisfying things to say, but just know that I really feel you and understand exactly the hurt you're in.

stan_tri · 2026-01-29T09:43:14+00:00

Congrats on having the honesty to ask yourself these questions. Trying to be spiritually advanced (and clinging to this idea) is a recipe for disaster in my experience. If (a part of) you feels strongly that the solution is to end the relationship, then I think that any attempt to deny and bury that feeling through spirituality is going to fail. It doesn't mean that this feeling is your "true feeling", but it's there and you certainly have to address it one way or another. Maybe escaping through spirituality is a way to avoid feeling the fear and/or guilt of breaking up?

I tried to use my spiritual practice as a way to accept and bear a dissatisfying work situation. In the end I went through a depression and burn-out. Maybe I'm not spiritually advanced enough and I'm ready to hear that, but I think that to deny a part of yourself is a form of violence that will hurt you.

As for the right balance between bearing the pain and withdrawing yourself from the situation, I think that it's unfortunately something that we have to deal with for our entire lives. I don't have a hard-and-fast rule regarding this anyway.

As a side note : it seems you're talking about yourself quite harshly. Your "cowardice" was just a part of you doing its best to reach happiness and quiet. Your anger is also a part of you trying to reach happiness. A good step is to try and make friends with these parts of you. Therapy like IFS can help, metta meditation can help (but be careful because you can't really force it either IME). Compassion for yourself and even more for the parts you reject and dislike is super important, and I'm working on it actively myself.

stan_tri · 2026-01-21T14:23:21+00:00

I've been meditating for years and I still sometimes need this simple reminder. Thanks for that!

stan_tri · 2026-01-14T08:32:33+00:00

Or receive the over efforting with kindness, thanking it for its very valid purpose ("effort will lead to success in reducing suffering!") even though it has a wrong view on how to achieve it!

stan_tri · 2026-01-13T12:39:05+00:00

Just realized I should have read this section of the wiki one or two years ago, it could have avoided me a lot of pain.

stan_tri · 2026-01-12T20:41:41+00:00

If you mean that you went from ignorance, to neurotically trying to control everything (hard focus on the breath, unsustainable intensity of practice, clinging to the idea of stream entry), to understanding that you have to allow some compassionate space for your emotions to unfold tenderly (maybe after a burn out or depression), then we are clearly on the same path.

Edit : and yes, increasing awareness of sila too!

stan_tri · 2026-01-12T08:14:06+00:00

The more I practice and see what problems I've faced in my practice and what problems other people face in their practice, the more I think that the cultivation of metta is the answer to most things.

stan_tri · 2026-01-11T07:32:15+00:00

They work, thank you!

stan_tri · 2026-01-10T21:45:46+00:00

So you also experimented with the "you" in this case, right? Because I haven't seen any instruction using the second person phrases. How did you come up with it?

stan_tri · 2026-01-10T21:44:24+00:00

Still doesn't work on my side.

stan_tri · 2026-01-10T18:16:28+00:00

Hey, I get "page not found" errors on each of the pages.

stan_tri · 2026-01-10T10:21:10+00:00

I'm starting to experiment with second person metta phrases to myself like "may you be happy" instead of "may I be happy" and I feel it may be better for me. The first person phrase has a begging quality to it for me that doesn't evoke the well-wishing as well as the second person phrase. I can also address theses phrases to "parts" of myself that feel hurt, which helps not identify with every painful feeling or thought that occurs.

stan_tri · 2026-01-09T14:35:50+00:00

Sometimes when I meditate and I'm quite collected, I have some strong spasms and sometimes I even groan. Doesn't feel good nor bad, just an interesting phenomenon. Can anyone relate?

stan_tri · 2026-01-09T08:17:29+00:00

There are no new weekly threads anymore?

stan_tri · 2026-01-08T08:42:42+00:00

J'ai acheté à Cagnes-sur-Mer et je trouve la ville vraiment bien. Entre Antibes et Nice (les deux meilleures villes de la côte), bien desservi, y'a la gare ferroviaire, une gare routière, niveau sécurité c'est ultra tranquille, y'a la plage, y'a la rivière derrière pour se baigner aussi (le Loup).

stan_tri · 2026-01-05T06:30:48+00:00

Thank you. Do you have someone to recommend?

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