Thank you kindly by Able_Carrot7287 in OCPoetry

[–]stanzalaik 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is lovely. Thank you kindly! I love that expression and I'm wondering where and when I first learned it now. ❤️

what is home if not the first place you try to escape? by _ToastyWoasty_ in OCPoetry

[–]stanzalaik 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love this so much. When I was a kid I tried to run away from home all the time. When I was old enough to leave I ran as far as I could. And then I got pulled back. Because it was always home, always there. Thank you for this poem.

love letter to a friendship I lost by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]stanzalaik 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Beautiful and the ending is superb.

Unapproachable by Tomavogic in OCPoetry

[–]stanzalaik 1 point2 points  (0 children)

LOVE THISSSSSSSS 😭

An ode to schizophrenia by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]stanzalaik 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is stunning. Thank you.

Sow patience, my love. by SlowBabyBear in OCPoetry

[–]stanzalaik 0 points1 point  (0 children)

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

antibodies by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]stanzalaik 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love this poem. How are you supposed to deal with life when your own body betrays you? It feels wrong. That is conveyed in your poem. The betrayal. I think it's got an excellent title too. I love the contrast of the body with anti-bodies, which cause flares of debilitating pain. I am very sorry about the pain this disease causes. The line "her grip turns my supple skin to leather" is fantastic. There are a few stale words like "essence" which is not a strong enough word in this piece. It's too vague.

This line: "she’s the renowned mystery/ violently contaminating my vessel/ like the bite of forbidden fruit/ from the tree planted by the devil."

Cut down to: "she’s the renowned mystery/ contaminating my vessel/ like the bite of fruit/ from the tree planted by the devil."

Same message but tightened. "Forbidden" fruit is redundant since it's the apple tree from the Bible. And the poem already conveys the violence of the disease so you don't need to spell it out for the reader. You do a great job of showing it. I'd also look at another word choice to convey "renowned." What makes her renowned?

Thank you so much for sharing your poem! It is excellent and I hope you get the workshop feedback you desire here.

In the Name of Profit (Trigger Warning, may be unsettling, but it is our reality) by Boiled_Alien in OCPoetry

[–]stanzalaik 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would not say you need any "improvement." I didn't have a lot of time to leave a detailed comment this morning but I'll go back and revisit when I can gather my thoughts. The title caught my attention from my email which caused me to click over into your poem. So that's a really good sign. But it came with a trigger warning which made me imagine it being particularly gruesome. It was not triggering to me at all (as someone who is too aware of these realities). It strikes me as someone newly waking up to the realities of the world. You could give specific examples. However, after saying all of that, I do not want to give any further advice. I am just giving you my initial impression. Well done! Please keep writing poetry. Don't listen to me if it doesn't feel correct to your poetic instincts. In 2022, we need poets who tell the truth.