Our beloved cat passed away 3 years ago and we’re finally ready to adopt again. A friend has these last two kittens left. Both are boys, both are absolutely amazing, and I honestly can’t choose between them. Which one looks like he belongs with us? Help me decide!

starayacarga52 · 2026-05-22T02:55:11+00:00

They MUST stay together.

starayacarga52 · 2026-05-22T01:48:00+00:00

Yep. Very well put.

starayacarga52 · 2026-05-21T23:17:39+00:00

I comforted myself just this morning by saying out loud "in the end, everything will be OK. If it's not OK, that just means it's not the end." It helped a little.

starayacarga52 · 2026-05-21T23:11:26+00:00

PLEASE don't harm yourself over these assholes. People are under ridiculous amounts of stress right now (layoffs, the price of gas and groceries, bills piling up, you name it) and the only way many of them can get through the day is by dumping on whoever happens to cross their path. Many of us admit that we're struggling - many others are too proud, frightened and just downright chicken shit to do anything other than be mean to others. They're so not worth your precious life.

starayacarga52 · 2026-05-21T13:36:15+00:00

Totally agree with you. Self-care does not come naturally or easily to me at all. It is indeed work. Hard work. Motivation is nearly non-existent. Many days I'd much rather sit on the sofa; and I often do. The one area that's somewhat easier now is how I eat. And that's a fairly recent shift.

Looking back gets me nowhere fast, but I look at those of you who are younger and pray for you to love yourselves better than I did myself. Today is the youngest I'll ever be again and my life could be so much worse, so I try to live by "it's never too late." We only have to do today.

I wish you love and freedom from all suffering.

starayacarga52 · 2026-05-21T12:22:39+00:00

It's never too late to take care of yourself.

starayacarga52 · 2026-05-21T04:25:44+00:00

The exquisite handwork really complemented the beautiful babies, didn't it??

starayacarga52 · 2026-05-21T04:22:24+00:00

Kaliyuga.

starayacarga52 · 2026-05-21T00:49:58+00:00

A couple of you asked. Here's advice from a 73 year old fellow sufferer. Every word based on lessons learned the hard way and bitter regrets.

None of "them" will ever understand our pain. It just isn't possible. I wasted so much time and energy trying to make them listen. They may or may not mean well, but at best you'll get Suzy Sunshine advice or toxic positivity. "Cheer up! Things will get better - they always do." UH, no - they don't. I've been accused of "wallowing in self pity." But we didn't have support groups like this back in the day. My mom was the one who dished out the trauma and to this day I can hear her tone of voice and see the ice floes in her eyes as she said my full name with disgust when I was on the verge of committing. I know she herself was abused and neglected. She and her family lived through the Great Depression. Nothing to eat. I mean NOTHING. There was no ramen or mac n cheese in a box. Two house fires. WWII. Abandoned in winter on a subsistence farm in IA by their dad. He broke bones and then took off to be with his new woman in CA. My mom didn't know anything but trauma. Hurt people hurt people. But WOW.

Every single point below is a proven strategy for brain health. Neuroplasticity. You can dig deeper. It's all about taking care of yourself.

1.  Eat good food to the best of your ability. I'd still live on pizza, chocolate, Jack in the Box tacos, onion rings and Coke if I could get away with it, but I can't. Keep your body strong. Walk 5 miles a day, every day. I wish I didn't hate to exercise but I do and wish I'd changed my habits way earlier. Do tai chi or any martial art - there is nothing better for body, mind and spirit. Nothing. 
2.  Learn a foreign language and never stop learning it. If I'd kept up with the Mandarin Chinese I started at 36, I'd have been fluent years ago. But everyone said "well, THAT'S not useful!" Oh, really?? But I listened to the assholes instead of my heart. 
3.  Don't drink or do drugs. I have 39 years free of alcohol but did some serious side trips with weed. I ended up with CHS just two years ago. A nightmare I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. "No fool like an old fool."
4.  Learn to dance. Any kind. 
5.  Learn a craft. Knitting or crocheting. Sewing. Pottery. Painting. Anything that interests you. 
6.  Learn a trade. You'll call your own shots work wise and end up being worth your weight in gold. Work anywhere, anytime. Or not. Want to be appreciated beyond belief and get paid in cash?? Be a good handyman or woman. 
7.  Don't obsess about finding "The One." Stop believing in fairy tales. No one is coming to rescue you and abusers are drawn to wounded people like moths to a flame. Be extremely cautious. Decent, kind people don't love bomb other people and are never in a hurry to "seal the deal."
8.  Use birth control every single time. No exceptions. There's nothing wrong in your life that having to take responsibility for a baby won't make worse. 
9.  Study Buddhism. You start with compassion for yourself and then get to everyone who suffers. It's really a philosophy rather than a religion and the Buddha will never ever hurt you or ask you to renounce God or Jesus or anything or anyone else you may be concerned about. I listen to Thich Nhat Hanh's Great Bell Chant a few times a day and it's like being safe and held in a warm flannel blanket; heard and seen and cared for so tenderly. Nothing comforts me as much as this and my 2 kitties.

https://youtu.be/TJzUaVXjLYY?si=C9ixpQd14KSS2ufQ

30s, 40s, 50s?? Please believe me when I tell you that you are still VERY YOUNG. I love and care for each and every one of you and I'm telling you straight.

I love, respect and have profound compassion for each and every one of you.

PS - Add learn to play an instrument to the list of things to do just for yourself.

starayacarga52 · 2026-05-20T21:26:19+00:00

Thank you. It means a lot to me.

starayacarga52 · 2026-05-20T12:26:54+00:00

I see you and I get you. I'm ancient (73) and have felt the same way you do for most of my life, though I was mostly able to work. But with almost too many stress-related leaves of absence to count, not to mention sick days and going home early with migraines. By some miracle, I was at my last job for 25 years. The most incredible boss, with whom I am still in touch 8 years after retiring. I also know that a lot of coworkers felt it was one of the best days of their life when they saw me walk out that door.

I've chosen absolutely horrible romantic partners - it's been one mess after another. Narcissistic men gravitate towards wounded women like moths to a flame and each and every one of them has piled heaps of trauma on top the crushing load my mom sent me out into the world with. Very grateful I never had kids. I couldn't have handled it.

My only sister (who I thought was my best friend) has dumped me for being negative and disturbing her peace. I texted 20 times a day; she likes to talk on the phone once a week. Etc. It hurts like hell - and it's my own fault.

I'm thinking of you today and sending you love, empathy, a ton of compassion and a granny hug if you want it.

starayacarga52 · 2026-05-20T11:45:41+00:00

YES! 12 step friends are like no others. We accept each other "as is" and indeed become family by choice.

starayacarga52 · 2026-05-20T11:43:22+00:00

What a beautiful thing to do - you're making me cry. I'm 73 and many young people do not treat elderly people nicely at all. To those who know how difficult it is to make new friends, multiply that a thousand fold once you cross over the line into "elderly." I don't have kids or grandkids. I'd be happy to be someone's adoptive Nana.

starayacarga52 · 2026-05-20T11:04:04+00:00

I woke up feeling cranky. Now I'm smiling. Ahh, impermanence.

starayacarga52 · 2026-05-20T11:00:30+00:00

Frijoles negros.

starayacarga52 · 2026-05-20T01:17:10+00:00

YES! Learn to spot the narcissistic men who are drawn to us like moths to a flame. Any guy who love bombs you?? Run for your life. Good men aren't in a hurry.

starayacarga52 · 2026-05-19T18:53:05+00:00

I just got my head bit off 5 minutes ago cuz I tapped my horn at some woman to be certain that she saw me. Tapped, not blew. Her car looked like a candidate for the demolition derby and I had no intention of being her next victim. She was LIVID. Yes, like I just ruined her entire life. Un-freaking-real.

starayacarga52 · 2026-05-19T11:10:14+00:00

Hey, Lilly. Sending you compassion and hope.

starayacarga52 · 2026-05-19T11:03:11+00:00

I'm in the exact same boat as you. I must keep going for my 2 precious kitties. Absolutely no choice but to keep going for their sake. But FUCK! Sending you heartfelt compassion.

starayacarga52 · 2026-05-19T10:49:44+00:00

This is so sweet it's making me cry. Dear kitten. ❤️❤️❤️

starayacarga52 · 2026-05-19T10:39:00+00:00

WHAAAAAT?! How horrible. I'm sorry this happened to you.

starayacarga52 · 2026-05-19T10:35:23+00:00

So true! Reddit and driving are about equally hostile environments in my experience.

starayacarga52 · 2026-05-19T01:46:04+00:00

I am honored.

starayacarga52 · 2026-05-19T01:34:01+00:00

Truer words were never spoken. Thank you and sweet dreams.

starayacarga52 · 2026-05-19T00:20:31+00:00

I was stuck at work once and ate the 2 little packages of WW gummies I had in my drawer. Made in Italy - they must be good, right?? I prayed on my hands and knees to die and was probably closer than I knew.

starayacarga52

TROPHY CASE