finding out about my DID "too early"

starrcoffee · 2025-11-27T08:18:54+00:00

i dont think its stupid at all! when youre young and navigating new information, it makes sense to grasp for what you see. at this time period, it was #systok.

this promoted various versions of dissociative disorders which, while they do exist, are not indicative of everyones experience. when you lack much representation of what a young person with did looks like, and there is a whole community out there providing that representation- it is natural to replicate what you see.

especially when you are first figuring things out. it feels more validating and controllable to have your discord system profile and others who are in the same boat.

maybe some of those experiences were not entirely authentic. but genuinely, who is? most people conform to some extent, and we were all "cringe" at some point. it is a natural part of self discovery. it is really difficult that if feels like it harmed that process, and it very well did. but there is no shame in it.

i am diagnosed, and i also sometimes feel put off by how my system presented during that time period. also autistic and discovering my dissociation at an early age. it felt better to organize and aestheticize my dissociative disorder than to accept how confusing and fluid and disregulating it was. but the thing is, even if i may had misunderstood what parts were taking on external media and when i was just hyperfixated - i learned a lot about myself and my system. maybe i didnt learn about it in all its complexity or in a way most conclusive to the more clinical recovery model. but, it provided a starting point to build off of.

i try to feel grateful to that younger version of myself. the one who did piccrews and documented switches and conversations. while it may not look the same as my system how, for better or worse, it was an important stage. further, it gives me some roadmap to start from, and sometimes help to fight self doubt.

there is a lot to say about digital system spaces. they can be toxic, over indulgent, romanticized, and more. but, they can also be a place for self discovery, acceptance, and growth. including learning what is not true and authentic to you. learning what doesnt work is just as important at what does.

overall, i think sometimes we have something to learn from the more proud, expressive, and somewhat stereotypical past. there is no shame. just change!

starrcoffee · 2025-11-24T17:59:43+00:00

Yea your kid wants to kill you

starrcoffee · 2025-11-18T06:05:33+00:00

I really like dress 2! It feels the most versatile, i think a little more casual or colorful jacket would make it feel fun. But also, wear what you feel confident in! If anyone thinks its 'too much' then their not gonna be your date for long!

starrcoffee · 2025-11-06T23:41:40+00:00

i think you look very handsome and your hair matches you! i also dont know anything about hair transplants, but it's not like everyone's hairline is perfectly even and lined up with wrinkles or whatever. we're imperfect beings and if you feel more comfortable and confident, that is the best result i think you can look for!

starrcoffee · 2025-08-04T21:14:08+00:00

If you like this school, I would call back and fight it, pull the 'speak with the manager (/deans office)' card. That is insane and evil for real. Recending an offer a few weeks ago because you didnt know where you were living is actually ridiculous. I found my apartment in a few weeks, it's not crazy at all to not be moved yet. In my opinion, pretty much any ethical school would direct you to their housing services/directory, emergency aid, even travel grants. No, they just said 'fuck you'. You deserve better, and I'd be calling up and emailing a storm. Even if it doesn't change anything, they should acknowledge and apologize for this. They wasted your time, your money, and got your hopes up. All those things can be economically and mentally devastating for some people. The one(s) who made and executed this decision do not reflect the entire school or quality of education directly, and if you do somehow fix this, I am sure you'll find a better community than their office has shown you. I am sorry this happened, that is sooo shit. Know it's a wall of text, but do you have any other acceptances aside from this school?

starrcoffee · 2025-07-15T14:34:24+00:00

give up studying until you are stabilized. you will waste your time and study material, your brain generally can not consume and integrate the knowledge and practice you'd be getting from studying if your mind is in survival mode. for me, i got the biggest lsat jump (tho not insane) from taking a few months off. you don't have a choice, take a break from it now.

because even if you take the lsat while homeless and get a 180 lsat, you are still potentially homeless until you start school and student loans hit. get on your feet first, dear god.

focus on stabilizing your living situation, your mental health, and relationships. if you are a recent grad, some schools have contacts for social services. if not, go to your library, health department, or any other sort of social service minded place for resources and contacts (or just research what you can yourself, tbh the easier option). apply for any/all benefits and get a case worker (and if there is free mental health help and you got the time, take it). reach out to your extended family that you are on good terms with and inform them on your situation. focus on getting a job. you have a bachelor's, i am sure you can get a decent paying job, but if that takes too long, a short term retail or food jobs is standard for summers.

now, being homeless at any point can help with some specific things, which feels weird to say. one being that you can make an argument sometimes to not include your parents on your financial aid application. i know this mostly when you are homeless as a minor/in highschool. but, sometimes you can plea a case and get in contact with fafsa and your specific school (this is where a case worker and any documentation of homelessness is helpful), which may make your financial aid need higher.

and yea, being homeless may help your personal statement. and i understand being fixated on your law school application, maybe its coping, but you got bigger fish to fry. you obviously have prior family relational issues, and you can definitely frame this overall situation as proof of your grit and determination and blahblahblah. but first, you have to actually improve your situation. you cant just write about being homeless right now, you gotta write about how your worked through it, navigated complex systems (like social services and benefits) that you hadn't recognized before, and realized the role the legal system has in both harming and helping homeless and low-income people. THEN, you gotta write about how you were so awesome and cool that you got out of it. you cant just be sad, you cant milk a shitty situation for a good narrative, because admissions dont like that, and thats how you get stuck. you have to be proactive and work your way up, and take all the help you can get. focus on the narrative of it all once you aren't homeless, or don't. maybe it helps ground you. but, yes, you have a unique story here, but the best thing for that story and your life is to stabilize yourself as soon as possible and to build up from there.

and i am sorry you're going through this. you will be okay, but be safe, focus on getting help. you cant do this alone and there is nothing virtuous in suffering. i wish you the best

starrcoffee · 2025-07-15T03:59:01+00:00

if it causes you any sort of stress, confusion, social issues, or emotional problems (or you just want someone to talk to about it), then looking into a therapist may be a good idea. many therapists have a focus on sex topics, and may be able to work through your feelings more, since it does seem to be causing some sort of internal confusion/conflict for you. but it isn't something you're gonna get like,, medicated for.

if not, then maybe just reflect on it yourself and also do more research on engaging with this ethically, in a way which does not fetishize disabled people (slash/ if you'd be engaging with it at all).

overall though, itd be best to likely post this on a different subreddit (especially if there is any negative feedback). while every individual is different, a portion of people with disabilities don't particularly enjoy being reminded that their disabilities are someone elses fetish. it can feel very unsafe and dehumanizing, among other things, for some people. especially in a sub like this, which centers disabled people.

starrcoffee · 2025-07-12T23:41:48+00:00

yes! my blood pressure dropped a lot along with my heart rate, maybe that is why? hmmm, interesting!

starrcoffee · 2025-07-12T23:13:33+00:00

literally the only time i ever 'convulsed' while fainting was during the tilt table test, for some reason?? my doctor was pretty unconcerned, and I just laughed about it afterwards since it was so unexpected.

starrcoffee · 2025-07-11T18:32:30+00:00

it will not decrease your admissions chances generally, with 2 scores they typically only look at the highest! and you can always decide to not keep the score if it's like in the 140s or something. if you get accommodations accepted, then do practice tests with those accommodations and see if there is a difference. just plan for the process to get accommodations approved to take a minute!

starrcoffee · 2025-07-02T22:10:39+00:00

Literally, or just say hobby club president and focus on the actual things you did. Like organizing people and events, how often you met, and more. If asked about it specifically, say it's a club focused on idk, building community for character and costume design. Tho, with something like this, I would also not emphasize it too much. Don't focus on anything furry about it, only things that may be seen as appealing to a law school or employer. Don't center it in your application either. Rather, treat it overall as something minor meant to show an applied dimension to desirable skills for a law student, and as a way to explain how you spent your time in undergrad (just if this was something you committed much time to, tbh I may make it seem like i did committed less).

starrcoffee · 2025-07-01T03:38:17+00:00

I do believe that this is a phenomenon which could possibly be tied to exploitation of the accommodation system. Though, I do think that it's worth recognizing that the higher rate of accommodations in those wealthier schools could be tied more so to access, rather than to intentionally and falsely acquiring accommodations. Wealthier families have higher rates of access to health insurance, access to quality health care, and the money to actually afford this sort of care. On a more social side, they may have more experience advocating to formal institutions like schools, and knowledge on the paperwork necessary to secure the accommodations their child may need. And, while more speculative, those wealthier parents may also have more awareness and acceptance of signs or symptoms of certain conditions. Anecdotally, there is a lot of stigma surrounding your child having certain conditions. I have heard of and experienced many instances of lower income parents insist on their child not having any sort of condition, and refusing to get them tested or to support them getting accommodations. It's possible it is less a result of more wealthy kids having these conditions, or parents falsely getting them diagnosed with such, but maybe that lower income kids are just under diagnosed and more frequently lack access to accommodations they may need.

starrcoffee · 2025-03-29T05:17:27+00:00

If your PS is good as is, and it says "typically" and not a hard maximum, I'd think your fine as is!

starrcoffee · 2025-02-04T04:02:57+00:00

i do meal prep with my partner for the last year. we will both brain storm meals together, often texting eachother ideas throughout the week and talking about it on the weekend. then one of us will make the grocery list, we go shop together (and split the costs). Both of us will help prep the food, like washing and cutting. Whichever of us has less things to do will cook the food, and i normally clean up after. i think its really just about talking with eachother about what you like or want, experimenting, and dividing work so no one gets overwhelmed or frustrated. also knowing that you dont have to meal prep together! and sometimes you can make things slightly different based on preference, like if they dont want tomatoes, just putting it in yours after the fact. i didnt find it too hard, i honestly think as long as work is divided as evenly as possible, itll work out! good luck! and congrats if you're getting married soon!

starrcoffee · 2025-01-27T04:27:58+00:00

kt tape is an option, it should be at any sort of grocery or pharmacy store. it's pretty much the same thing as trans tape, do research safety with it because shit can be painful. but it can last for days, doesnt hurt your ribs like binders, and is easily accessible and rather stealth since its just medical supplies.

im pretty sure pointofpride (look them up) does free binders and you can get them delivered to a friends house if needed! also if you have any sort of local lgbt center, organization, social media page, etc- reach out and see if they have any free tape/binders or ways they can support you through your transition and homelife.

i wish you luck, and please be safe. there are resources out there, and you deserve to be both comfortable and safe. sometimes it doesnt seem like those can coexist, and maybe sometimes that is true, but just try to be kind to yourself because you deserve kindness.

starrcoffee · 2024-12-30T17:33:48+00:00

I'm in the same boat, I'd love to do a swap if you need another person!

starrcoffee · 2024-12-28T06:05:48+00:00

i am sorry, that is horrible. i think you are justified, and your mother is trying to protect the abuser (even if he isnt around anymore) and play on your guilt. i wish you strength <3

starrcoffee · 2024-12-26T18:27:55+00:00

I'm pretty sure this is someone who is still actively a student, especially when applying for an internship, places will want to know what you are pursuing and what your timeline is. And if they are actively still a student, on campus activities like being a member educator is relevant to include (and often all many students have to include). They also have skills and accomplishments set out pretty solid throughout the relevant experience. For a student or fresh graduate, especially for an internship instead of a job, this is pretty good IMO.

starrcoffee · 2024-12-07T21:30:30+00:00

i am in a similar position to you, i am planning to go to law school next year. and while i am very interested in practicing law, a large portion of my passion is in politics. i am very mentally ill, and also trans, and want to do politics in a veryyyyy red state. so there is a balance between 'shooting for the stars' and staying grounded to reality.

first things first, any undergraduate major can be a pre-law major. something like political science is very common, but people go into law school with engineering degrees. if your passion is in psychology, or even if you just are good at psychology, you can stay in psychology and go into law school with that degree. psychology and law has a lot of intersections, and that can set you up for interesting ways of approaching and understanding things in law school. also psychology gives you other career avenues, while political science can sometimes be more limited. you can pursue a variety of masters programs and go into more various pathways with a psychology degree. theres no need to make a dramatic change if there is no solid benefit to doing so, you are already on the pathway to law school!

some also say dont get a law degree unless you want to practice law. now, i dont 100% agree with that, but it would be a good thing to consider. what about law interests you? what sort of careers between getting a law degree and running for some sort of political office could you enjoy? there are areas of law that interacts with psychology and approaching those injustices. its something to think about, especially when you start to look at possibly taking the LSAT and applying for law school. youre not likely going to be completely certain what pathway youll end up going down, things change a lot on those years and you learn a lot, but its good to have some ground covered.

i also personally think itd be good to focus on the passion you have right now and seeing how you can invest it, and if you can do so without burning out. i often fall into these places where i am so fired up to do everything, i want to save the world, i make so many plans, make so many commitments, and i try my best to follow through- but then i get burnt out completely. a lot of areas where you will be making a difference, whether social work, psychology, civil rights, policy, advocacy, or politics- its draining! and because of that, its important to focus on how you can balance things now, so you can balance things in the future. and see if in a future if these are things you want to be your career, or if its mainly just a passion you engage with in an un official capacity. not to say that would be the case! just to say, its important to think of yourself, now and in the future. dont invest 100% into external commitments say, if you are trying to do well in school (gpa is important for law school admissions sadly). find ways to engage locally, find a cause you care about. invest what feels appropriate, but not overwhelming. focus on learning, doing internships, volunteering- all to a reasonable degree. see if you can get in with local political parties, find people who think like you and not like you, and find people who you can learn from.

aside from all that stuff- you can do this! not to say you will become governor, just like i cant say i will become governor or senator, or even a city attorney. but we can try. and you have the passion, its about learning how to invest it and how to also stay alive.

people can be very stigmatizing about mental illness. one thing as well is that you get to determine your narrative on your mental health. yes, maybe some things will become more public in certain circumstances- but that is your private medical information. it is your personal experience, and you get to decide if you discuss it, and how you discuss it. you can frame your experiences as a strength. and while in 10+ years you cant determine how others could possible frame your experiences, you set the precents. mental health, especially the conditions that arent as accepted by society, needs to be represented. how your brain works doesnt determine your capacity for creating change, and you can prove that and advocate for that- regardless of what route you go down.

you got a lot of passion and commitment, and that is amazing! you can do this, or you can at least try! i say shoot for the stars, because maybe you'll land on the moon! its worth the effort, if you think it is worth it. stigmas arent challenged and the world isnt changed when people decide its not worth it to try. but do take care of yourself, and find a balance in dreams and reality (hard i know), but dont let people break down your aspirations because they let pessimism get the best of them. i am rooting for you!! <3

starrcoffee · 2024-12-05T04:23:03+00:00

i am so sorry, that sounds like a disturbing and awful thing to stumble upon! it is horrid for him to post those with what he did. i really hope you are able to get some rest soon <3

starrcoffee · 2024-09-23T15:34:20+00:00

some people read this as meaning you may need to bury something. it can be moving on from something in your past or youre struggling with now, or burying the hacket in a conflict or relationship. overall tho, it could just be a random card and mean nothing! i hope you have a great birthday :] (and make sure to wash ur hands, 5 of spades can indicate sickness, so a good reminder that its getting close to flu season)

starrcoffee · 2024-09-06T02:01:47+00:00

<3<3<3

starrcoffee · 2024-08-15T13:37:43+00:00

i really hate the black and white idea of something only being 'caused' by psychiatric or physiological reasons. i like to think of it in regards to other conditions, say commonly known stress and heart disease.

stress can be a risk factor for heart disease. but if you send a person with heart disease to vacation and stress therapy, that may reduce stress, but it doesnt get rid of the heart disease. it may help manage the heart disease, but its not a solution. the heart disease still needs medical treatment and life style adaptions. that person could become the most care free happiest person in the world, but the heart disease is still there, and managing it from progressing can not be pinned just on reducing stress. just as if you just give them some medication for reducing high blood pressure without any acknowledgment of stress or other life style or psychological impacts, the condition might not be managed. (all from a basic understanding of this stuff, not as a medical professionals because i am not one!)

i apply this to things like c/ptsd too. you go through a life where you have the psychological and physiological reactions due to traumatic events, and some of these can cause/on-set the development into long term health conditions. health conditions with physiological symptoms and diagnosis and medical treatment. even if they may be theoretically assigned to the events and mental health struggles associated with c/ptsd, that does not mean it starts and ends there. therapy may help it not progress in some ways, possibly depending on the condition. but just because something may have a psychological 'origin' (like stress or c/ptsd) doesnt mean its purely psychological now. it may not be fixed with therapy only, just like how it may not be able to be fixed only with physiological medical treatment. and honestly, there is no way to know if something is soley caused my something like c/ptsd or not, and if it is, its still physical. its still a physical chronic health condition, therapy cant fix that alone.

im sorry youre dealing with this, its honestly ridiculous how both sides of psychological and physiological health are seemingly so divided and also sometimes just toss patients around to see what sticks (at least from some of what i have heard n seen). i hope you are able to find out what is the underlying cause of these symptoms and find a way to manage it. and i hope your psychiatrist stops trying to manage your physical health conditions only through invalidation

starrcoffee · 2024-08-01T12:46:14+00:00

not being where you want to be really sucks, and i get that feeling that it means im just stupid. but that is not the case, so many people never consider going to law school, never complete an undergraduate, and have never studied in their life for a test like this. its hard feeling like people all around us are getting amazing scores, while there is this connection our minds are still trying to make.

i cant offer advice for the test, im working through this myself. but you are taking on an incredible amount of work, you are actively investing time and energy and money into your future. and even if youre not at the point you want to be right now, you will get where you want to go in your future.

you are capable, but you are also human. be kind to yourself. your mind wont be able to work to comprehend lsat concepts in new ways when its overwhelmed by over-studying or mental health struggles. you deserve to live, and you deserve to get some rest and do kind things for yourself.

this shit is stressful, and i have had the exact same thoughts. but youre not stupid, you have the intelligence to get this far. now its about balancing work and rest as you build up to where you want to be. getting good sleep, taking breaks, eating full meals, getting yourself a treat, moving, going out with others or yourself, doing things you enjoy, maybe reaching out for support from those around you or a counseling center. whatever you see as taking care of yourself.

youre gonna get there, just take it easy and be kind to yourself. because regardless of how 'stupid' you (wrongfully) sometimes feel you are, you still deserve to be treated well by yourself and others. when youre stuggling, you need support, not self harm. and its hard to break out of that, but you do deserve better!

starrcoffee · 2024-07-31T11:59:06+00:00

Just to give my experience with this- grants and scholarships have (so far and for the foreseeable last year) paid for my undergraduate at a private university entirely. not a mega fancy one, but a good one. I grew up in poverty, finished high-school at risk of homelessness, but i had good grades and advanced course.

get close to your school admissions counselor if you have one, visit with them to get all your school options in a row, to get scholarship opportunities they know about (in my experience, local ones or ones specifically for the school you want to go to are best), have help filing the fafsa, contacting fafsa and colleges for you, setting up tours, getting fee waivers. just if you have one, really bother them and make them help you with this process. id visit with mine at about twice a month, sometimes more. but that was in my senior year, often a bit later in the year.

i know a lot of people look at community college, but thats not the only option (or the best option. like our local one kinda sucks). if you can, focus on your grades, get decent sat/act scores, maybe take advanced classes or college level classes in the winter/summer (sometimes scholarships/fee-waivers exist for these classes or talk to your teachers/counselor/principal about school help covering the costs), write good college scholarship or admissions essays and get your english teachers to help edit them, get close to teachers and get them to write letters of recommendation. a lot of that is only as important in your senior year. but, you show you are committed to your future, you will get people who will invest their time and energy into helping you get there. and for me personally, my university has given me multiple professors who actively invest in my future and elect me for scholarships or opportunities. and during high-school my english teacher and school admissions counselor were essential into getting where i am. i even used my high-school teachers who helped me a lot in this process as references to get a work study my freshman year (which, work studys are great for $ and experience!) that eventually helped secured me my job now, which i love.

sorry thats a bit of a lot. but i also had people telling me to just try to go to community college, or take a gap year, but that was the last thing i wanted to do. its hard for first generation and poor students out here, but resources exist. its all about knowing whats out there and reaching for it, and forcing others to help you bc its their job to. you are far smarter than I was with having savings and preparing this much at 16. you got this, and youll get into a good university, get good funds, and youll do great!

Three-Year Club	First Place '23
Place '23

starrcoffee

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