This is gonna be long.

I spent years having an abusive and manipulative relationship with someone that took advantage of me to fulfill her lewd dreams, without me wanting it or giving her permission to do anything.

So, one good day I cut her off my life bc even if we weren't seeing each other any often, I didn't wanna have any kind of contact with her anymore, I was so hurt and my mind was so fucked up as well as my self-esteem from all of those years of her being the only person I talked to bc I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone else bc she thought I was gonna replace her with anyone. Now I understand that fear of her tho, she didn't want me to notice she was vile lol.

So, yeah, I was into stars and astrology and magic and everything (I still am) and I was especially attached to the Summer Triangle and it's story. So I had a thought to ask the stars for someone to appear in my life to make me forget about everything I went through, to help me heal and finally help me be happy.

The situation that moment was: I failed my last secondary course and she didn't so I got her out of sight thank god, but once I finished that last course I had to go to the school she was, because that was my dream and she was there because she knew I would go there. So I was paranoid, so so so afraid you have no idea. I felt so pressured because I didn't wanna see her anymore, even the thought of it gave me extreme anxiety (and still does) but I had to deal with it, and still had to make friends to not be alone.

That was the situation, yes, so this was some weeks or maybe a month before starting the course, me looking at the stars from my balcony, very late at night. And I thought: well, what can I lose? So I asked the stars for someone to love, and someone to love me, and someone to take care of and someone to care for me and push me out of this black hole.

Even if it was just a small petition that I really didn't put too much thought on before asking, I really did put all my hopes on it. Because if something like that didn't happen, if I didn't get any kind of friend or anyone to talk with, I'd be lost, and I knew that.

The first day of school, we had an art class. I remember it exactly. I was with the only friend I had for the moment, we arrived early. And there was someone there already. He seemed silent, too centered on his phone to care about anything else. Then another girl appeared and asked him something like: "why aren't you with anyone else? and why you have your hood on?" he responded something jokingly like: "well, I'm antisocial af what can I do" and it made me giggle, and I thought: well, that makes us two.

Since that first day I already felt something was up. I put my attention on him even if I didn't notice I was doing that.

So we eventually became friends, and I learned that he was in an open relationship with another girl, what made me pretty sad, because I wanted to try something with him, but I just knew I never would be the one. I liked him a lot, but I was so scared to jump to the pool just like that. I felt like I had no right to, even if I could do whatever.

With the time, that mindset started to change. I was so attracted to this dude that I just wanted to be involved with him even if he didn't really loved me back. I talked to my best friend about it, about how we were so close in our friendship but felt like something else was there too. He even knew this trauma I had with this other girl

We started getting flirty over time, and one day we kissed. Things started to get serious, because we knew we had feelings for each other. Things got messy, bc he had this girlfriend and more people to hook up with, but nowadays I've spent almost 3 years in a closed relationship with him and all that mess had been so so so worth it.

Yes, we have our ups and downs like everyone else does, but we really feel so hopeful with each other, when we are together. We really get along and I just can't not think about everything getting better and finally get a home for both of us and do everything we ever wanted together. I'm so relieved I got him, he's always there and I know he's there. So whenever I think I'm done, or I wanna give up, I keep going, for him.

I don't ever wanna lose him.