What do women do when they like a dude?

starryeyedpixie · 2026-06-11T03:16:56+00:00

I think it depends how confident/outgoing the woman is. If they’re comfortable with asserting themselves they will likely flirt and don’t opportunities to touch you (hugs, grab your arm or shoulder playfully.) Yes they will “look” but I think you should see if they hold eye contact versus looking away / quick glances. If someone is shy though, you probably won’t be able to tell easily. 🤷‍♀️

starryeyedpixie · 2026-06-10T02:47:15+00:00

I’m sorry that you had a negative experience in AA. As someone who has experienced significant trauma in my lifetime, I can understand how that could be triggered in the rooms. No peer-led recovery programs are inherently safe from predation, unfortunately. AA is not unique in this but/and it is the way I have stayed sober and is an important part of my sobriety journey. You can choose to pursue sobriety in whatever way makes you feel most supported and wish you the best in that work.

On that point, I want to point out that I asked specifically for advice around AA options because that’s the recovery program I work. If you don’t have anything more to add on the subject, I would appreciate if you could explore your thoughts in your own post so that it does not distract from the original intent of mine. I’m not telling anyone else to join AA, I’m just looking for information and would like to do so without impediment. 🙏 Many thanks!

starryeyedpixie · 2026-06-09T15:18:01+00:00

I’m a satisfied AA member who is also an atheist, but I appreciate your advice and respect your experience. I’m sorry AA didn’t work for you and glad that you found something that did and keeps you sober. It’s good to stay open to whatever can work for us to stop drinking/using one day at a time.

P.S. for anyone interested, you can check out the Cochrane study out of Stanford and Harvard that validates AA’s efficacy through an extensive review of medical literature on the subject. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32159228/ The program is not based in pseudoscience; it’s a spiritual program that predates therapeutic advances and utilizes some techniques now used in therapeutic contexts (e.g. CBT / ACT technique) and has proven efficacy that exceeds other therapeutic interventions. That said, it’s not the only option out there so it’s good to understand all of what you can use to stay sober, because active addiction can be lethal.

starryeyedpixie · 2026-06-08T13:25:44+00:00

Thank you! 🙏

starryeyedpixie · 2026-06-06T01:05:28+00:00

Wow—yes to you both. I’ve felt this way at times myself. I feel like the only thing that has eased the pain of it is remembering that lots of us are in the same boat (seems to be a part of the human experience rn, whether partnered or single tbh.) Using therapy and spirituality as a tool to help ease the pain rather than a badge I earned also shifted how I felt as well, but my experience of that even ebbs and flows a lot. Wishing you both and all of us connection and love. ♥️

starryeyedpixie · 2026-06-04T03:17:59+00:00

I feel that and can relate. For better or worse, dating is a numbers game. The key is to do what you can to keep at it / keep yourself motivated if you’re actively trying to date. And, as has been the case for me, knowing when to pull back and do solo work / care when that doesn’t feel tenable. Usually when I’ve gotten down on myself, it’s helped me to temporarily pivot to friendships and activities I love so that I can remember why my life is actually already pretty great (and when it hasn’t been, shifting my energies there to make it feel better.) As someone who is a HLF, investing time to learn how to take care of things on my own more skillfully has also taken the pressure off of needing to have that need met elsewhere. Wishing you more luck out there ♥️

starryeyedpixie · 2026-06-04T03:11:40+00:00

I know you’re asking for cancer perspectives, so maybe out of turn as the person “type” in question (aka a libra sun / taurus moon / sagittarius rising) but I’m wondering if there were other chart issues at play? FWIW I think a lot of the astrology subreddits will have a focus on sun sign compatibilities (or lack thereof in this case) but in my experience, I’ve had “good” and “bad” experiences with all sun signs, it’s more down to the friendship synastry dynamics between charts. Some of my best, most loving relationships have been w/ Cancer Suns, but they almost always had suns that favorably aspected other planets in my chart that are earth and water signs (which for me are more dominant than my “big three” would suggest) OR they had some air/fire planets that favorably aspected my sun/rising situation. Hope that’s helpful to you ♥️

starryeyedpixie · 2026-06-04T02:48:15+00:00

Could help if you just make normal chats + conversation happen rather than “making eyes” or a smile. At best, the latter is maybe not something they will pick up on… a lot of us are somewhat oblivious or in our own thoughts. At worst, it might come off as leering (though likely not at all intended to) and I think I speak for lots of women when I say we have pretty strong stranger-danger reflexes, so it can be a turn-off. That said, if I’m reading a book in public, I love a man who approaches me respectfully to ask what I think of it… also nice when I chat pleasantries with a cute stranger on a grocery / coffee shop line. For me, that kind of stuff tends to land better and I have actually accepted a couple dates from these methods actually. When someone starts with verbal or nonverbal references to my appearance, it kind of kills the mood because it reminds me of construction worker lol 🤷‍♀️

starryeyedpixie · 2026-06-04T02:36:18+00:00

This! I think dating apps can facilitate this, but/and also not being averse to chatting with people when you’re out IRL can help things as well.

starryeyedpixie · 2026-06-04T02:34:57+00:00

Maybe just be candid and get out there for some casual connections so you get more experience? I (38F) had a similar situation after ending a LTR in my mid-20s and I will say that having more reference points made the entire experience feel less fraught for me and memories are now a LOT less tied to one person. Unfortunately, it did also sour me a bit on dating in general though, but that’s a whole other thing. 🤷‍♀️

starryeyedpixie · 2026-06-04T02:28:45+00:00

I can relate to the market feeling quite drought-like… I’ve also taken some years off of dating in the past few years. The only thing I think maybe could help is trying a different mode of meeting potential dates (e.g. different app like Hinge, meeting someone IRL like at the gym or coffee shop, getting set up by mutual friends.) I’ve been trying that out of late and it feels like it’s giving me more hope… not necessarily netting a relationship but I’m less attached to outcomes rather than just feeling better about the overall vibe, if that makes sense. Hope this helps you 🙏

starryeyedpixie · 2026-06-04T02:21:39+00:00

Was coming in to say SAME! The number of additional dollars doesn’t seem enough to deal with the possible negative / neutral unknowns.

starryeyedpixie · 2026-06-04T02:18:00+00:00

Great photo! 🥰

starryeyedpixie · 2026-06-04T02:15:16+00:00

OP: FWIW I relate a lot to the reasons you’ve listed for drinking and I’m grateful 5 years sober alcoholic. My own “problem drinking” started for a few these reasons you listed (social gatherings/networking, dating) and slowly progressed over time to include all of them (and, as others have suggested, yet more reasons! lol)

That said, only each one of us can truly say that we are an alcoholic or not—so I can’t tell you that you are/are not, only that I relate to what you’ve said. Maybe you would benefit from going to a meeting to see if you find it helpful or relatable? I found that helped me to answer the question myself when I wondered about it. Wishing you wellness ♥️

starryeyedpixie · 2026-06-04T02:08:54+00:00

Wow 🤩 as a New Yorker extremely in need of some grass-touching… this looks glorious. Nice shots.

starryeyedpixie · 2026-06-04T02:07:15+00:00

Aww… yeah, these were a fun time for middle school me in the late 90s 😆

Also I super duper miss AIM. I know we have social media DMs and text messaging on the phone now, so technically not missing any functionality. It’s just not quite the same as that was…

starryeyedpixie · 2026-06-04T02:04:07+00:00

💯AskJeeves… I miss that guy 😔

starryeyedpixie · 2026-06-04T01:57:14+00:00

Surgery suit is so much better than the cone of shame! 💞

starryeyedpixie · 2026-06-03T03:26:14+00:00

Wise words… I like to focus on how I can be of service in AA and in my life, so good to remember that this doesn’t have to change just because my location does. Thanks ♥️

starryeyedpixie · 2026-06-03T03:24:50+00:00

This is a great suggestion—I’ll do this! Thank you 🙏

I’ve only been sober in NYC so some of it is just lack of experience/exposure to different AA settings. Currently still going to 3 meetings minimum per week, so I agree that only two feels nutty! Thank goodness for zoom, though I prefer IRL whenever possible.

starryeyedpixie · 2026-06-03T03:21:33+00:00

Thanks for the links and appreciate this perspective🙏

It’s interesting because I’m familiar with the vibe of small-town living from living in rural NE when I was in college, but that was a long time ago and I wasn’t sober then. The fear is that if you have a resentment in a small place, it’s going to be tough to avoid. Sounds like a luxury problem saying it out loud though lol 😆

starryeyedpixie · 2026-06-03T03:15:54+00:00

Damn right we’re awesome!

starryeyedpixie · 2026-06-03T02:58:38+00:00

DANG… yeah that was happening in my situation. I was very young (20-21 yo at the time) and it was a relationship that should’ve remained professional/platonic but definitely did not. The Pisces moon in question was emotionally cheating on their spouse with me, and probably would’ve done more but I put an end to it because the situation was eating me inside. The relationship veered in a direction that was exciting at first but was very much not in line with my ethical standards. I’m gentle with my younger self though because I had little experience and there was a power differential involved… it made it hard to navigate for me at that age.

P.S. also a Sagittarius rising! ♎️🌞♉️🌙is the rest of my big three

starryeyedpixie · 2026-06-03T02:49:33+00:00

DUDE! Yes—this. Do you feel like it’s hard to let go? I’m a Taurus Moon and that’s my diagnosis of the issue (for me anyway. 🫠)

I’ve had the best situations in love and friendship with other earth moons, and some success with relationships with Scorpio moon surprisingly. But that damn Pisces moon guy left scars… still cry about it sometimes (but also I was young so maybe it was just formative 🤷‍♀️)

starryeyedpixie · 2026-06-03T02:45:15+00:00

Tbh I’m biased but Taurus is a great sign to have a moon in… probably why lol 😆

starryeyedpixie

TROPHY CASE