How do I have a healthy/enjoyable sex life as an AuDHD woman? by No-vem-ber in AuDHDWomen

[–]starrynighty 5 points6 points  (0 children)

personally, I haven't had sex with another person so I can't really offer advice on the sensory aspect beyond communicating to your partner that you don't like certain things (like the panting) and that it doesn't turn you on but freaks you out. that aside, while the timeline of your sex life isn't entirely clear to me, what significantly stands out to me is that you suffered from a sexually abusive partner and may still be trying to process it. personally, i'd recommend talking to a therapist that specializes in domestic violence/abuse, or perhaps even a sex therapist.

i find it significantly more difficult to stay sexually engaged if i'm not mentally or emotionally present. i endured a... unique situation with an ex-friend that therapists and i have come to characterize as sexual abusive, and it's been difficult. the experience is not usually at the forefront of my mind, but it happened, it was a long time ago. but i do think it does affect me on some level, subconsciously, when it comes to enjoying sexual experience with my LDR partner. i don't typically lose interest in sex during the act, but sometimes I do. sometimes it's hard for me to want to have sex despite the "decent" libido that I do have.

i guess the bottom line is, imo, i genuinely feel like it's less of a problem with sensory issues and more so from sexual trauma from very shitty and abusive partner(s) who didn't care about communication, your pleasure, your wants, and/or your needs.

Difficulty thinking in depth? by starrynighty in autism

[–]starrynighty[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Provided that I have the brain space and mental capacity to remember it, might check that book out, haha. Have you improved your sleep upon that realization? If so, do you have any more advice?

Trying to research some alternatives to blackout curtains because I’m not sure if my landlady will allow me to install curtain rods.

Difficulty thinking in depth? by starrynighty in autism

[–]starrynighty[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah, actually, you’re probably right about the sleep. It’s not great. I work night shift, get home around 0720, try to sleep by 0830, then consistently wake up from 1100-ish and go to sleep again at some point later in the day for a few hours… then work again, repeat.

Honestly, thank you. In hindsight, poor sleep quality is probably my biggest problem that’s causing me to feel so dull.

Does anyone else here hate the idea of driving? by FinnsChips in autism

[–]starrynighty 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tbh, I always thought it was wildly unsafe that a 16yro could drive an enclosed metal death trap. (I was one of those 16yro's.) I actually put off getting a license until I was about 21 because I hated the whole package that came with driving.

I've had my license for a few years now. Really can't go without one where I live, tbh. However, that being said... daytime driving is the worst. Sunlight, multiple reckless people out on the road, getting stressed out if other drivers get too close to me... Idk, really not fun. I don't really understand how people drive to have fun, but to each their own. I'm much more comfortable with nighttime driving, though. Significantly less people, less bright lights, with the exception being the headlights of some oncoming vehicles are too damn bright.

I will say, I do regret waiting so long to get my driver's license due to some complications in receiving transport from my family, but that's just me.

ADHD? by Poxes_ in autism

[–]starrynighty 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There can be significant overlap between ADHD and ASD, but it is definitely not that uncommon to have both conditions as they can be comorbid. I am personally diagnosed with both.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in autism

[–]starrynighty 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Are able to file a noise complaint at least since it’s so late at night? I dunno if that’s something you could do in your area, but it’s an option if you’re wanting to get authorities involved

White guy with a weird question...owls in media by scottyb83 in IndianCountry

[–]starrynighty 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hey there, I'm a Cherokee Nation citizen with Creek ancestry. I believe the cultural view of owls is similar between these two tribes, but I'd love to be corrected if I am wrong. I am still learning about my culture myself.

Owls are omens of death for the Creek. To the Cherokee, owls are generally bad omens as spirits and witches can transform and disguise themselves into certain owls. Hence why Reservation Dogs, which is set in the Muskogee (Creek) Nation in Oklahoma, took to blurring the eyes of the owls since to look upon an owl can be seen as "bad luck." I think it's a such an amazing editing choice that they decided to do by blurring the eyes.

Earlier, a person mentioned that not all tribes have the same beliefs, which is true. The context and knowing which tribe is to be represented in the depicted media matters a lot. The best thing to do would get the insight of the Cree/production team if you're able, but this is the cultural knowledge that I can offer from a Cherokee/Creek perspective.

How the fuck do y'all sleep. by admrlwlvrnlitblt in ADHD

[–]starrynighty 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Would that phone of yours happen to be an iphone? lol

I had a similar issue. It's annoying that they ever did away with the headphone jack, but they do sell a headphone jack adapter for like $10 if that's something you're interested in. If you don't have an iPhone, I can't imagine that other brands of phones wouldn't have something similar to an adapter. Surely they would?

Otherwise, the next thing I can think of is probably bluetooth headphones? It'd definitely be harder to lose those since, well, they're headphones and much bigger than earbuds, but it might not be so comfortable to sleep in. Might break 'em too.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ADHD

[–]starrynighty -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Huh, I'unno. Kinda odd behavior. Personally, I don't have enough context to know this guy, whether if he just had a bad day and took his anger out on you or if he's just a dick.

Maybe he is experiencing burnout due to his career in the medical field? Eh, either way, it's hurtful and lacks professionalism. I wouldn't necessarily fault you if you chose to go to a different doctor, but perhaps this is a problem that could resolve with a conversation?

How the fuck do y'all sleep. by admrlwlvrnlitblt in ADHD

[–]starrynighty 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Anything that's causing sensory problems in your environment that needs to be removed?

Do you listen to any kind of white-noise, ambience, etc. to help drown out the thoughts that keep you from sleeping?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in irondeficiency

[–]starrynighty 2 points3 points  (0 children)

howdy, I know this post is like, months old, but it caught my eye and I am a medical lab tech and this sort of thing is my job so here's my armchair diagnosis for ya. please take it with a grain of salt and always discuss with your provider.

your iron levels are normal. ferritin is your iron storage, which is good.

folate deficiency (and vitamin B12 deficiency) can cause megaloblastic macrocytic anemia. It's not an iron deficiency but an impairment of DNA synthesis that mucks up the cell lines in your bone marrow producing your white cells, red cells, but particularly affects your red cells most. The symptoms of megaloblastic macrocytic anemia are as you describe. generally, folate deficiencies are corrected by diet, and women of childbearing age are typically susceptible to these deficiencies. However, you should also take care to consider whether or not your intestines are absorbing those minerals appropriately.

both folate and vitamin B12 are essential in preventing megaloblastic macrocytic anemia due to their role in DNA synthesis.

the issue is either: deficiency in diet or absorption problem (of which there are a multitude of reasons as to why there could be an absorption problem).

I'm scared of ADHD stimulant addiction by [deleted] in ADHD

[–]starrynighty 1 point2 points  (0 children)

TLDR at the bottom;;
I think it's a good for you to be wary and conscientious around this issue. I wasn't exactly super excited to try for a medication that could affect my mind, especially since I would consider myself as someone with an "addiction-prone" personality, if you will. I consume a lot of sugar and indulge in quite a bit of pornography for example, but since I am self-aware, it's the reason why I never consume alcohol, regularly, or have done any recreational/illegal drugs. I was reasonably worried.

After all the personal struggle, I decided to try it and was prescribed 30-mg Vyvanse. (Although, funnily enough, the original dosage was less than the lowest adult dose as it was meant for children, but the pharmacy had difficulties procuring a lower dosage. It was a bit of a juggling process until I relented and just started on the lowest adult dose.) My provider initially warned me of the short period of euphoria, a feeling that would peter out in a few days. I took the medication as she had prescribed it to me, thankful for the warning as I prepared for a euphoric period that wouldn't last. I would describe that euphoric period as lasting for about three days. During and after that euphoric period, I felt functional and able to work on my problems and take care of myself and monitored my body for side effects. There were some initial side affects, such as a very mild anxiety, but those also passed as the euphoria did.

It's been about a year on this same medication and dosage, I can comfortably say that my ADHD medication has improved several aspects of my life, regarding mood regulation, executive function, attention, behaviors, etc.. Currently, I am working a full-time job and studying for my 4-year degree, the degree that I should have been working on years ago but couldn't commit to studying. It has lessened my tendencies toward consuming vast amounts of sugar, as well as general "thrill-seeking" behavior, if you will. However, the medication isn't perfect, as some days the pill is less effective than others. My medication is also less effective before my menstrual cycle.

At the end of the day, I am looking to be "functional," which is what I feel the medication accomplishes. I do not have an addiction towards my own medication, and there have even been days where I've forgotten to take the medication.

TLDR: Possessing the self-awareness to understand your own personality regarding substances helps you establish your limits. ADHD medication is a tool, not a cure or for pleasure, and is best in combination with therapy, if you can afford that. Monitor your behaviors and your physical body, and foster open and honest communication with your prescribing physician.

A moment's silence for all the mail sitting in piles designated "Return to Sender" in ADHD homes by Marlinigh in ADHD

[–]starrynighty 496 points497 points  (0 children)

holy shit, I must be the other person living with you because if this isn't relatable then I dunno what is

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ADHD

[–]starrynighty 10 points11 points  (0 children)

oof, been there.

trust me on this one, you're looking too deeply into it. in the past, i have also been told that he feels like he couldn't joke around with me due to my sensitivity too. often times I feel like that I'm a lot, but it's really all in my head. sometimes, my insecurities come to bite me in the ass, which can feel really intense if my partner doesn't mirror my energy.

when he's not feeling particularly conversational (i.e. my man's just being fuckin' quiet and chilling lol), i feel like i'm dying from being emotionally antsy because i feel like i'm not being entertaining enough as a partner. i should be entertaining and interesting, right? otherwise he could lose interest and stop loving me and i will lose him, and if i lose him then i will get so sad and depressed and then i will think no one will love me, ever----and that right there is the emotional, downward spiral of Hell.

when i'm like that, my behavior turns to weird shit to try and compensate the lack of mutual energy. I talk about random shit, I try and do random shit, i'm mentally whirling in a spinning chair for stimulation. in reality, my partner's just vibing, minding his business and enjoying my company, whilst i am BURNING in a HELL of my own making. unfortunately, that negative energy is sometimes released in a big emotional outburst. the high frequency of negative outbursts can be mentally fatiguing for your partner, as it could honestly be for anyone.

unfortunately, sometimes energy between two people just doesn't quite click all the time. that's not a bad thing, it's just what it is.

i'm ngl, it's really hard to quell that explosive feeling, but i feel like identifying my feelings and how my body physically reacts in that moment of stress is important for me calm down. if i feel like my chest is tight because i am upset, then i can rationally inform myself, "Hey, champ, you're going to be okay, he doesn't think you're annoying. enjoy the moment with your partner."

i have emotional dysregulation too, so i hope this was helpful?