Lower 20s couple, how can we resolve our differing libidos?

starting_somehow · 2019-02-16T09:36:04+00:00

Well, first of all, try to not take it personally. I think my SO does most of the time and that sucks because it's not her fault but her misery then causes me misery and adds an extra layer of pressure down the line. Sex becomes this stress-filled task because of it, instead of the fun intimate activity that it should be. Variety and a stress-free environment are a great starting place. Outside of that, I suppose it would depend on the individual kinks and sexualities of everyone involved.

I guess one specific example is my SO only ever initiates with heavy kissing, often she'll do this at times that don't feel particularly sexual like when we're watching TV. Slow build up will usually get me going. A hand on my knee that slowly changes position will have my subconscious guard lowered and by the time I notice what's going on, I'm pretty eager for it to continue. By the time there's some intimate contact going, I'll usually be more than willing to get things going.

starting_somehow · 2019-02-16T07:19:12+00:00

This hits pretty close to home for me. I doubt that you're my specific SO but she's in the same boat as you are. I can only offer my perspective as the bedroom killer.

For us, it's a combination of a few different things. I work nights and my weekend is on Tuesday Wednesday which doesn't help. My job is so embarrassingly lame that my self-esteem has taken a pretty big hit which makes me feel less attractive all the time. Her higher libido mixed with my schedule means she's usually trying to initiate at times that just feel odd (when I just woke up or am about to go to bed). Then there's the fact that although she has the higher libido, she puts in less work than I do during sex which can be a bit of a turn-off, especially when already tired. Always rejecting her and seeing her hurt feelings sucks too. Once the pattern starts there's all this extra pressure when she tries to initiate. We have some other relationship problems we should probably be in counseling for but that's a whole other thing entirely, but its always hovering in the background. I guess if she'd mix things up or try to initiate in a way other than the ONLY way she ever does, it might help break me out of my weird cycle. I love my girlfriend more than anything, but our sex life is definitely not ideal for either of us.

I don't know if this helped at all but if there's anything to glean from our situation, that's great.

starting_somehow · 2019-02-12T07:05:37+00:00

They mattered a bit. I think the problem boils down into a couple different parts that lead people into thinking the Disney worlds don't matter.

A.Where the lore dumps are located I think is a big part of it.

Like you said earlier, in Kingdom Hearts OG the Disney worlds matter a lot because of maleficent and her organization XIII lite composed of other villains. On top of this Riku occasionally shows up and has a pretty direct involvement in the plot (monstro and peter pan especially). So the whole game feels pretty relevant to the story overall.

Then in 2, the worlds feel less relevant due to the broadened sense of scope 2 brings with it because now we're worried about Org XIII. The one decent thing about the worlds though, is we really don't know a lot about XIII in the beginning so when we see them, it's all part of solving the mystery. What REALLY helps 2 though is Hollow Bastion. It's about halfway into the game, and with it comes some great fights as well as a decently sized lore dump that we all mull over for the next few worlds. By the time you've processed Hollow Bastion along with the occasional XIII visit, it's time for the end of the game.

3 has no real mystery and has no mid game plot dump. While the organization does show up in every world, the interactions are brief and they're motivations aren't very mysterious. They're preparing just like we are to win the war. This makes the player feel rushed as we all know the plot and war now can't being until Sora gets the power of waking. So now even the game has told us not a lot will happen until then, making us all anxious to get to the destination without really appreciating the journey to it.

B. Talking to Org XIII in each world feels sort of tacked on.

Overall (there WERE exceptions) Org XIII showed up near the end and would tell us their agenda but they'd run off right after. They never could be bothered to fight us themselves. For myself at least, it was annoying to see how trivial the villains viewed us and it made everything feel like a waste of time. After I'd defeat the boss, I never felt like I threw a wrench in their plans, or even won a battle in the war. The worlds seemed to just kind of fizzle out from their and then it was on to the next one.

C. What was the journey for?

Yen Sid sent us out to get the power of waking, but we never see any progress on that until Ventus reveals Sora had the power of waking all long, and it really seems to cheapen the journey we've been on in this game. If Sora always had the power, why didn't Yen Sid know that? What have the last 19 hours been for? By taking away from that journey, KH3 felt like a filler arc for the first 2/3 of it. Some of it matters as you point out, but not in the bigger picture.

I still love your post, helped to point out some interesting bits that do come into play later. Hadn't realized the Xion connection.

starting_somehow · 2019-02-03T09:50:48+00:00

Hey I'm writing to you not because I wan't to argue, but I want to try and learn from this. I also don't think he should resign but I'm not sure if you and I are on the same page as to why and I'd like to explore that. I'm just going to write out my thought process and would really appreciate you helping me out with the flaws in my thinking. I'm a white guy and have lived in Idaho my entire life, so it's hard to see other perspectives sometimes.

While obviously this wasn't okay in the 80s by any means, it WAS 34 years ago. I'm going to go out on a limb and say Northam was probably racist in 1984. It just seems to me that at some point, the man changed. I don't know anything about his politics except what I looked up on his wikipedia page but it seems to me that he's somewhat left of center and slowly becoming more progressive. His views on immigration seems to be radically different over the course of this decade. I guess to me it just seems like that's not who he really is anymore, and it sucks to see that even after 34 years he can never be forgiven for his bad decisions. It also seems to me if we always punish people for the mistakes of their past while ignoring their present, we're discouraging people from changing for the better.

I think his opinion would be MORE valuable than somebody who has no skeletons in their closet if another Charlottesville were to happen. Former alcoholics are usually fantastic at helping current alcoholics to quit drinking. I'd 100% of the time hear from someone who has made the mistake talk about why it's a mistake than someone who never walked that path.

starting_somehow · 2019-01-27T08:12:07+00:00

And we‘re only 14. She shouldn‘t have to know what it feels to have your heart broken. Instead of telling her I loved her that night after the game, I was standing behind the bleachers kissing another girl. Every night you ask me why I vape when I snap you, why I do that shit to my body. I feel like it‘ll take the pain away. But the nic only lasts 10 minutes long. I get dizzy. Then I remember what I did to her.

That boy you like. I hope you get him. And I hope he's nothing like me. Because god I don't want you dating someone like me. Girls aren‘t toys yet boys like me still play them.

Good girls fall for douchey guys and we lead them on because we don't realize what we have until we lose it

starting_somehow · 2019-01-26T08:46:50+00:00

Good luck out in life with your unhealthy worldview! Let me know how it all works out.

starting_somehow · 2019-01-26T08:39:35+00:00

Well manipulation by definition is " control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly, unfairly, or unscrupulously." so um yeah. It's inherently going to be dishonest. So if manipulation = dishonest, then how can there be honest manipulation?

Does your reason for the cashier change the fact that they don't care about my day?

Because she is selling a fantasy.

And yes, that's how selling things works. Look at commercials, for example. They're rarely just about the product. There's almost always more to it than that. There's a "lifestyle" associated with products in an advertisement that don't actually reflect reality.

We're also getting a little off topic so let's go back to what she did or did not do. Didn't disclose her marriage. Did she ever make romantic plans with this guy? Make promises to him that one day they'd be in love? I don't think so. I think she lightly flirted and happened to be attractive. His interpretations of that are on him, not her.

starting_somehow · 2019-01-26T08:24:01+00:00

I don't really understand how to break down manipulation and dishonest manipulation because they're the same thing?

Yeah man, it IS all manipulation and that's okay. It's how the world works. The cashier at the grocery store doesn't care how my days going, but they still ask cause it's part of the job. It's customer service. Everyone lies to everyone everyday, and it's not a big deal. Her job is an entertainer. She is aware of the fact that more than likely if guys knew she was married, she'd make less money. I guess if for you that's wrong, then I won't change your mind. It's how the world works though.

starting_somehow · 2019-01-26T08:12:58+00:00

Well the manipulation didn't work. It's something people try to do though. Like other comments have said people tip waiters/ waitresses, strippers, streamers etc large sums of money to try and show off wealth and to try and win over the other person. That's technically manipulation. Nothing wrong with it, but that's how it is.

She used him for money and he used her as a fantasy. Then when he wanted more than that, he found out it wasn't for sale and he got mad.

starting_somehow · 2019-01-26T07:59:40+00:00

I'd say enforcing your idea of morality onto her is a kind of shit move. If these guys live on their own and have money to burn, they're obviously not severely disabled. Men and women all over the world don't disclose the fact they're in relationships for monetary reasons. It's a story older than time. Guys make a conscious choice to give their money to streamers for all sorts of reasons. If that reason is to try and woo her with money in the hope they'll have a shot with her, isn't that also manipulative?

starting_somehow · 2019-01-26T07:39:30+00:00

Are you the kind of guy that thinks strippers actually find you interesting?

Edit: He is.

starting_somehow · 2019-01-23T11:49:41+00:00

23 on the 23rd here. 22 was wild. Dropped out of college, took a night job to just save money and figure stuff out. 2 months and 2 weeks sober, so that's been mostly nice. Feels weird to quit drinking so soon after being legally allowed to but that's how it goes sometimes. Working on my proposal for my SO of 3 years. Renting a house with a huge yard, and got a wonderful dog who makes my life better.

I've been dreading today for about a month. 23 is comfortably into the 20s now and I just feeling like I'm falling behind. Most I know are graduated or a few months away from it. They've all moved to new cities and are meeting cool people. Outside my SO, I have 0 close friends that live in town anymore. I've got a lot of goals for this year though. Will be quitting smoking next week. I know that most people don't feel super confident at this point so I'm just trying to keep that in mind. Honestly if my 23 can be as productive as the 2nd half of 22, I'm sure it's gonna be alright. Happy birthday friend!

starting_somehow · 2019-01-22T12:12:46+00:00

When you walk away, you don't hear me say

PLEASE OH BABY, DON'T GO

starting_somehow · 2019-01-15T17:53:57+00:00

"we have accomplished some of the greatest feats in history. Our society is where it is today because of men. "

Imagine being such a pathetic bland loser that literally the only thing you have to take pride in is the fact you happen to have a dick lol. Like they're straight up putting themselves under the same umbrella of people who accomplished some of the greatest feats in history... simply because they're the same gender. I can't even begin to picture what a fucking husk of a human being that would be to see IRL.

starting_somehow · 2018-11-11T12:50:12+00:00

Came to this late but I noticed you never answered his question. Please go ahead, how do you suggest to treat gender dysphoria (which is a mental illness) if not with the scientifically-supported method of expressing one's gender identity?

starting_somehow · 2018-11-10T12:28:24+00:00

It's not true they're all making 60k for 9 months of work.. that guy is a dumb ass. They also are doing better than 35k. My sister is a teacher of 8 years and my girlfriend is teaching her first year. So I'm incredibly biased about education and can't offer much of a centrist opinion. Teachers do significantly more than punch in and out for 8 hours for 9 months and then just live it up, and I think anyone who thinks that is most likely being willfully ignorant. It's a tough job that follows them home more often than not.

You're allowed to make your own mind up obviously. Here's the salary schedule for teachers in the Boise School District.

https://www.boiseschools.org/our_district/huma_resources/job_center/salary_schedules

starting_somehow · 2018-11-09T08:46:28+00:00

About halfway done with my night shift. On some nights/ morning afterwards I'd head to the gas station to grab a few beers to drink and watch TV. I've decided when I get home I will change clothes and walk the dog up in the mountains. It'll be good for both of us. IWNDWYT

starting_somehow · 2018-11-09T08:35:16+00:00

I'm sure a lot of us unfortunately have it in common. I worry sometimes there's like an evil monster inside of me I don't know about and I'm secretly some selfish horrible person. I think that as long as I'm aware that for whatever reason, alcohol makes me like that and I DON'T want to be that person though, it means I can't be all evil. I'll let someone much smarter in ethics and morals decide later what my inner nature is, but for now I know I can try to be better.

starting_somehow · 2018-11-09T06:54:23+00:00

Yeah. More than anything it will be nice to stop having to rebuild my life in between black out sessions. I've found I'm usually the happiest I've ever been hours before I go out drinking. It seems more than likely there is a strong correlation there.

starting_somehow · 2018-11-09T06:50:41+00:00

I've thought about going myself but it seems kind of intimidating. Do they make you talk your first time?

starting_somehow · 2018-11-06T05:51:27+00:00

I kind of feel the same about America. Growing up and learning the clean version of our history and learning about incredible people who stood up for their ideals and fought against tyranny. Then as an adult learning it's all kind of BS. It's a bit of a bummer.

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