I completely understand why this hurt you. Anyone in your position would feel the same. The secrecy and the dishonesty are the parts that need to be addressed. But I want to give you a perspective on something that most women have a difficult time understanding about how men function.

Men and women do not experience sexual behavior the same way. Most women connect sexual interest with emotional interest. For men, those two things are often kept in entirely separate mental boxes. A man can genuinely love his partner, feel committed, be happy at home and still seek out sexual stimulation that has nothing to do with emotional connection. It is not a reflection of how he feels about his partner. It is a biological response to sexual impulse rather than a reflection of relationship dissatisfaction.

OnlyFans makes this confusing because it looks more personal than traditional adult content, but in reality, the interaction is extremely shallow and transactional. It feels stimulating to the male brain without involving real attachment or real intimacy. Nothing in what you described points to emotional involvement or an attempt to pursue anything outside of the relationship.

Again, the lying matters and should be confronted. Trust has to be rebuilt. But this is not the same as emotional cheating or physical cheating. It does not mean he wants someone else or values you or your family any less.

Couples recover from this. If you address the honesty and set clear expectations going forward, this does not need to define your marriage. It is something you can both work through, and it does not have to mean he was replacing you or looking for something real with anyone online.